Page 32 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

Ethan’s face softens a tad and, suddenly, for a few seconds, he looks like the Ethan I know and love. Like the one who taught me how to read and write and sang lullabies for hours when I wouldn’t fall asleep. “There’s a lot we didn’t tell you, Lou. A lot. We didn’t want to burden you with it or make you feel even worse. We believed you had run away.”

We’re silent for a while, the sweet smoke from Liam’s cigarette filling the room, weighing heavily on my lungs. It reminds me of Bren, who also always smokes. I hope he’s okay, he just has to be okay. Eventually, Liam stubs out the cigarette.

“Which one of you went to Crescent City and put up the missing person notice?”

“That was me.” Liam looks at me and I look back. Something warm connects us, a touch familiarity and loving. I remember the days when pink rhinos still roamed our world, when he ate the A cookie from my name, and I was allowed to ride on his shoulders every night, hands raised to the sky like I was holding a net for the moon and stars.

Liam clears his throat and suddenly his eyes are wet. “It had been a bad day, Lou. One of the worst.”

I bite my lip and the tears that have been sitting so loosely since Ethan slapped my face fall from my eyes. Seeing him so sad feels awful.

“I’m sorry!” I choke out.

“It’s not your fault you were kidnapped,” Avery states matter-of-factly, but his eyes now show sympathy.

“How did you endure it, Lou?” Liam shakes his head, gets up, and hugs me. I allow it and lean against him. “You should have talked to us. You could have explained it to us. Don’t you think we would have helped you?”

“You would have said I was sick, like a moment ago! You would have wanted to report him. That’s why I made up all the lies. Bren is not the monster you think he is. But…no one can understand that.” I sound bitter.

Liam releases me and sits on the edge of the table in front of me. “That may be true,” he says, looking at me intently from above. “None of us doubts that he has experienced terrible things. Surely, at the time, he couldn’t act otherwise, but what if the kidnapping made you sick as well, Lou?”

“No.” My heart beats faster. His words suddenly unsettle me, mainly because they come from him and he seems to have more understanding than Avery or Ethan.

“I educated myself. Also about Stockholm syndrome. There are reports that victims often stay in contact with the perpetrators for years. A woman who survived a kidnapping and fell in love with the perpetrator during that time visited him in prison for many years afterward. She still liked him.”

“But she didn’t love him anymore, did she?” I pull out of Liam’s embrace. “I, on the other hand, will love Brendan forever.”

“You’re seventeen,” Ethan scoffs, turning the corners of his mouth down. “Do you really think you can already talk about great love?”

“At least I know what love is like. Maybe you just don’t have a say in that!”

“Lou,” Avery admonishes me sternly across the table.

“Leave it be! She’s completely blind.” Ethan shakes his head. “We won’t make progress using logic. A few months in her room, however, will certainly cure her.”

“I’m not going home with you,” I say firmly.

“You will have no choice. I still have custody.”

“You can lock me up for two months, but then I’ll be eighteen…”

“In Nevada, you’re not an adult until you’re nineteen if you’re still in high school.” The mockery drains from his face, instead, he looks at me as if I’m terminally ill. “Don’t worry, Lou, we’ll fix this. Me, Avery, and Liam.”

Something clicks in my brain. “Oh, hell no,” I yell, jumping up so abruptly the chair topples over. He does not understand anything! I glare at Ethan. “You don’t have to fix anything! Okay, now you have the facts! I didn’t run away last year, and if you really knew me, you’d never have believed it.” Even though I lied so perfectly at the time, out of the blue, it pains me that they bought my story. At the time, I was happy about it. I brush the feeling aside and look into Ethan’s eyes. “Yes, it’s true, I was lying in a box, terrified. I thought Bren was going to kill me. I was silently pleading for my life, I was homesick, and I stopped eating because I missed you all so much!” I look from one to the other and they suddenly seem apprehensive. Liam has tears in his eyes again. “I thought I’d never see you again. You weren’t the only ones who suffered. I suffered too! I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it all. And yet I fell in love with Brendan. But not immediately, that happened later because I realized what a good person he is. Releasing me was his decision. Something inside him has been healed. Maybe even through love!” I swallow a few times before I can continue. “You continue to believe you must protect me. How do you think I got through it all so well? How do you think I survived? Why I didn’t have nightmares?”

All three just stare at me.

“I am much stronger than you imagine. So, stop your constant worrying about my well-being or my state of mind. I’m doing well.”

Breathless, I stop and realize it’s true. I am strong. I can take more than I give myself credit for. Unfortunately, I can’t make them understand. I’ve outgrown myself in the last year and it certainly wasn’t right to hide the truth from them. It made everything even harder, makes it harder now; still, I don’t regret it. I did it for Bren, too, so they wouldn’t press charges.

“You need to see a psychologist.” Ethan walks towards me and I reflexively back away. With his arms hanging, he stands there, his breathing labored. “I’m sorry, Louisa. I should never have hit you.”

Tell that to the wind. Bren’s words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t say anything or even nod. Part of me will never forgive him for that.

“Lou, no one can deal with a nightmare like this alone. I’m sure you repressed a lot about the kidnapping. Maybe things happened that you don’t want to remember!”

“I didn’t repress anything.”

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