Page 34 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

Raise cattle! Birth calves! I’m about to scream! “I have to go to the bathroom,” I say reluctantly.

My brothers look at each other like I said I have to go to Mars. “What? Doesn’t this place have any?”

Ethan sighs. “Down the hall on the left. But I’ll go with you…to the door.”

Yes, of course! Guard me! Just like Bren did last summer.

I put a hand to my forehead. A farm in Tennessee—they’ve gone completely mad!

Chapter

Seven

It seems to be a very old motel that was perhaps once a youth hostel, as the bathrooms are in the corridor. The bathroom itself only has one stall and the smell of a cesspit rises from the toilet. A lone mosquito buzzes around. My heart sinks when I see the white-tiled walls. There isn't a single window in this dump. No wonder it smells so bad, the ventilation system is probably broken.

In the cramped room, I slip into a pair of Liam’s underpants, which he picked out for me from his hastily packed luggage. Luckily, they’re not boxer shorts, but briefs that fit reasonably well when I fold the waistband three times.

I examine my reddened cheek in front of the tiny mirror. The skin at the site feels tight and burns, but that’s not the worst. Something inside me burns much stronger. I wet some wadded-up toilet paper and cool my cheek.

When I come out, Ethan looks at me guiltily, but I maintain my expression—I won’t expose myself.

The more I think about it, the more incomprehensible his reaction seems. He only found out about the kidnapping a week ago—and he’s blaming me. Instead of hugging me, he picks on me. Instead of trying to understand me, he ignores me.

I understand his arguments too. Still, I am the only one who has had the opportunity to reflect on the events. After all, I am the person affected and have the necessary distance from it. Ethan just found out everything and now believes he has to act just as quickly. Nobody, however, will ever be able to keep me away from Bren. Especially not him!

It turns out to be a long night, telling my brothers last summer’s story, but it doesn’t change their attitude even though I tone down most things.

I realize how difficult it is for me to talk about it. It was easy with Jay back then, perhaps because he writes about extreme things, and for him, the human psyche is one big voyage of discovery. He lives in another world, one that only he understands. But that’s what made it so easy for me to confide in him because what I experienced happened far from reality and yet it was more real than anything I had known before. At least more real than Ash Springs.

As Ethan pleads with me, I think about the stars rising on the wrong side in the big city and Brendan’s dream. I see it as clearly and distinctly as my own: our simple house in the vast fields of wheat and corn, the stillness of the clear night, and the stars shining on the proper side.

My own dream pales next to it. It seems like a little girl’s reverie and I wonder if I’ve really grown up in the last year.

I watch Ethan as he scoops up the Chinese food he ordered for us, always throwing concerned glances my way. He’s an adult, no question, but does that make him right? I think he actually believes I’m crazy. Maybe he struck me because he thought it would knock the sense back into me, but no matter what excuses I make, the dark, tenacious feeling in my gut remains.

I absentmindedly eat my chicken and rice. Liam doesn’t say much anymore and Avy supports Ethan but without the moral finger-wagging.

We go to bed around four thirty in the morning. Ethan wants to go with me to the second rented room on the second floor, but I refuse.

“I’ll share the same room with anyone else, but not with you!” I say a tad harsher than I mean to.

He looks at me and his eyes grow cloudy. “Lou, I already apologized. I’m sorry. I was just so angry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’ll never…”

“Never happen again?” I scoff bitterly. “Bren said that a lot too, last summer.”

He flinches like I slapped him this time and it feels good. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it.

Eventually, Liam goes upstairs with me, and since this room has a bathroom, Ethan locks us in from the outside.

“Hello? Am I a criminal?” I call through the door, but he doesn’t reply.

Doesn’t he trust Liam anymore? How long has Ethan been this way?

“Left or right?” Liam appears calm as if being locked in by one’s brother is nothing out of the ordinary.

“What?” I ask, still confused.

“Which side do you want to sleep on?” He points to the double bed.

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