Page 71 of Trapped: Between Sky And Wind

“Well—you stole his heart. I have no idea what’s worse,” Bren says somberly.

“He nourished you when you were sick and put aside his own needs.”

“Oh, yes, he’s a good man. Everything I’m not!” Bren kicks a dirt clod in front of his boot. “I saw you laughing down by the quarry. You were happy, exuberant at that moment. I understand that you prefer him over me, Lou. After all, he never kidnapped you. He’s basically a bit like me—only without the trauma. You’ll get your adventure with him, too, so you have no more need for me.” He looks at me as if I cheated on him with Amarok.

I can only shake my head. I would have done anything for him, still would. “I don’t prefer him over you!” It hurts me when he talks like he doesn’t believe in my love. “But I’ll still go now, Bren, I have to take these raspberries to Thea. She wants to bake a cake.”

Bren swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bulging. “Then go…to Thea or Amarok,” he says in a voice that disperses like ash in the wind.

The roughness and softness of it touches a spot in my soul that is completely unprotected. My heart beats faster with longing and the pain of not being allowed to give in now even if he hasn’t grabbed me and held me this time.

“Lou!” he stops me as I am about to leave. “I didn’t deliberately spy on you. I was worried about what was keeping you so long, that’s all. So, I went looking for you.” I look into his eyes and he looks back seriously. “You weren’t at your usual gathering spot, so I went up to the top of the ravine and saw you hurrying and holding hands.” He holds out his hand to me, but I stop. “What am I supposed to think, Lou? Please tell me if you know.”

If that is his reasoning, I have to agree with him. He must think I’m attracted to Amarok. What if I saw him holding hands with Thea?

“Amarok is so much more perfect than I am. He would be the right one. If you seriously think about it, you have to agree with me. There’s no future for us anyway.”

His last words come as a shock. I thought we had buried this topic along the lonely train tracks in the middle of nowhere. “Why do you say that?” I whisper abjectly. This time, I reach out to him and he takes my hand in his, holding it tightly yet so tenderly, I could cry. It’s merely a tiny touch between us and yet it penetrates deep into my body, my soul, and my heart. I feel the bond between us fluttering as if in a storm, billowing, arching, and stretching, but not breaking—never breaking.

“Come here, Lou,” Bren whispers, so I set the bowl down and wrap my arms around him, allowing myself to be pulled against his chest. But despite the warmth, I’m still afraid that one day, he might leave me. Despite his unconditional love. Or just because of it.

Feeling miserable, I go to Thea and bring her the bowl of raspberries. She gives me a strange look but doesn’t say anything about my condition. This seems to be a Navapaki trait. They don’t ask, instead, they wait until you’re willing to share. Of course, for Bren and me, that’s a blessing because no one asks intrusive questions.

I silently help Thea with the cake, which she finally places in a fireproof bowl on the embers of the fireplace, and play another game of backgammon with Yoomee. The board is homemade as are the game pieces made of bone.

When I return to our teepee with two pieces of raspberry cake, it is already dark and the sky is full of twinkling stars. Night falls fast in Manitoba and the Indian tents glow like yellow lanterns from the oil lamps inside.

Only ours is dark. For a terrified second, I fear Bren is gone, but then I come to my senses.

Of course he didn’t leave. Why should he? We argued, that’s normal. That’s part of relationships, I reassure myself. After all, it’s what we both wanted, a relationship with normal problems. He’s probably hanging out with Coven.

Still, a voice inside me questions if these are indeed common problems. Ordinary couples aren’t wanted by the police unless their names are Bonnie and Clyde. Bren and I have different issues to contend with. How will we fill the time before we return to civilization, if we ever can? Shall we grow potatoes and herbs like the Navapaki? They might even give us some seeds to take with us. But wouldn’t that make them suspicious? To them, we are adventurers who got lost and they provide something to help us along the way. So far, no one has said anything because Bren was injured and I’m not able to walk long distances because of my ankle. But that’s likely to change soon. Besides, Darrow’s father will eventually return from town and who knows if he has heard about us in the media. I have no idea if our case is still the number one topic in the press.

In the darkness, I enter the teepee and put the cake down to light the kerosene lamp when I hear Bren’s voice.

“Don’t, leave it unlit.”

I turn with a start. I didn’t see him in the blackness. He sits in the far corner, which is reserved for the most experienced warriors by the Indians, but he gets up and comes to me. He’s only wearing shorts and his freshly washed hoodie.

“Are you still angry?”

Earlier, after the hug, I left without another word and he didn’t follow me.

I shake my head. “No, there’s no reason.”

“There are a thousand reasons.”

“Why do you keep saying we have no future? It makes me sick,” I reply honestly. We’ve shared one mind and dreamed the same dream. “We’ve been through so much and yet you keep repeating it.”

“Maybe it’s how I protect myself.”

“How can you protect yourself with a comment like that?”

“I don’t know.” He sighs heavily. Moonlight falls on the right side of his face through the tent’s smoke vent, transforming his features into light and dark.

With hanging arms, I stand near the entrance. “Remember what Jay said? That you have to understand things to make them less frightening?” For a moment, I think of my brothers, of the memories I’ve pushed aside during the excitement of the past few days. Like Grey and the rest of my life. Everything is so far away, but during these seconds, there is a flicker of sadness inside me. I laugh unexpectedly, remembering the first time Jay said that about understanding.

“What is it?” Bren asks promptly, but he seems to enjoy my laughter.

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