Page 101 of Pieces of Us

‘Hey, I can’t help that your job is to look as sexy as possible. It’s definitely making it harder,’ he pauses, ‘To be away from you,’ he quickly tacks on. ‘Where are you off to next?’

‘England to interview Manchester, and then back to New York for a behind the scenes of the new Victoria’s Secret docuseries, and then home to do GQ Man of the Year,’ I rattle off my glamorous life.

‘I’ll gladly accompany you to England and New York, but I’ll skip the sausage fest in LA.’ I jokingly scowl at him for wanting to come to New York. ‘I only want to come to New York to see you in your sexy as fuck lingerie,’ he makes amends, bringing a flirty smile back to my face.

We appreciate a couple of moments of silence, taking in each other’s features. I hadn’t seen him for years, and now his face is the only one I want to see.

‘You’re so breathtakingly beautiful, do you know that?’ he whispers. I blush at his words.

‘Anyone would look good in what I’m wearing,’ I chuckle.

‘Hart, I’m not even looking at your body. Your face is angelic. I wish I was there, tangling my hands in those raven soft waves, or staring into your gorgeous jade eyes. Those lips are sinful, but it’s when you speak that entrances me. I live to see you smile, and I long to just hold you again. We didn’t get enough time together, baby.’ His words are so sweet, I might just die from sugar overload.

‘I know. I’ve missed us so much. So much time wasted apart. I missed seeing you go from aboy to a man. Missed seeing all your significant milestones. I feel like time was stolen from us, and it is so unfair.’

This is the last conversation I thought I’d be having while sailing on a yacht in Italy, but the moment is organic and real, making it that much more significant.

‘But look where you are now, Hart. You’re living a dream beyond anything you could have imagined.’

It’s true.

‘I am. I never set out to be rich and famous, but this has been the best experience of my life. I am so grateful for the life I’ve lived and the world I’ve seen. But things worked out for you too, right?’

‘Absolutely. Unlike you, this is exactly my dream. You know that. I’d always planned on being an architect. It is unbelievable, seeing people’s dreams come to life. It is a surreal feeling to drive past something that started on a piece of paper.’

‘Plus, you get to work for our dads, and will probably take over one day.’ It makes me happy that our parents’ legacy will live on, and when that time comes, Lincoln won’t have just have it handed to him, he’ll have earned it.

‘Makes me sad that I missed seeing how incredible you are.’

‘You haven’t missed anything, Hart. I’ll be doing this for the rest of my life. Besides, I have my first major unveiling coming up, so you can be a part of that. I consider it the biggest milestone in my career yet.’ I see the boyish grin on his face and it makes me want to root for him harder.

I want him to have all the success in the world, which is huge, coming from me, considering barely a month ago, I wished he’d drop dead. It solidifies how far I’ve come in forgiving him and moving on from the past.

For the next half hour, we chat about his job, our dads, Mum’s return and a little bit about how long I’ll be in LA for once GQ Man of the Year is over.

‘I’d love to come and visit you for real, though. I want to see your world,’ Lincoln murmurs.

‘Maybe one day,’ I sigh wistfully, wondering what that would look like. Would he belong here with me, or would I belong with him in the Gold Coast if we ever make our way back to each other?

‘That is, if you want me to?’ he questions.

‘I do. I think we need to just carve out some time. We still have some things to work through, and I guess that’s on me to prioritise them.’

‘Amity!’ I’m being called by one of my team.

‘Shit. Linc, I’m being called. I’m so sorry. I have to go. I’ll try and call you again soon, but it could be a few days, or a week.’ I hope he can hear the disappointment in my voice. I did really want to speak to him.

Waving me off with complete understanding, he lets me go. ‘Go. Go. I’ll check in with you soon. I miss you,’ he adds.

I couldn’t tell you where the last couple of weeks went. The days all bleed into one. While I love every part of my job, I’ve felt a piece of me missing ever since I had left the Gold Coast. It’s a gnawing feeling I try to tamp down, but it always manages to worm its way up. Everyone I love is there, living life without me. I am missing so much.

The only time I managed to breathe a little easier was when Jagger came to stay with me for a few days. When he left again, that hole reopened.

It is rare that I have a day off here, but today is one of those days. Unfortunately, Lincoln has gone radio silent. Of course, it could be because it’s about three A.M. at Gold Coast, and it’s ten A.M. the day after here. I’m still unsettled that it has been a good day or so that I haven’t heard from him.

Still, creeping thoughts invaded my mind. Is he with Billie? Did he have a change of heart about me? Are my lifelong battles and addictions too much to take on? It’s frightening, the thoughts I am having over him, and the inadvertent power he has over my body.

To tame these thoughts, I remind myself of all the thoughtful gestures he’s done for me since I left, which never fail to strike up butterflies in my stomach. He always manages to tell me how gorgeous I am and how talented when he sees a new interview pop up, and he even gently reminds me to take care of myself. I lean on his messages like fuel to keep me running. I am aware that our relationship is turning into something more than casual, and that our bond is strengthening again, but I still want to go through counselling with him, so nothing from our past could destroy us again.