Page 28 of Pieces of Us

Bikinis and lingerie are my signature attire, so it’s no surprise that I’m wearing one today.

I decided to dress casually sexy in high-waisted black denim cut-offs and an open, white linen boyfriend shirt that exposes—or more like shows off—the exquisite La Perla luxury black beaded bikini I am wearing underneath. I’ve paired the outfit with Dior slides to show off my white pedicure. And to finish off my look, I’m wearing limited edition gold Ray-Bans. My wrists are adorned with three gold Cartier love bracelets—presents to myself when I made my first million.

‘I really missed your cooking.’ I pull Uncle Jacob in for a hug. When he pulls back, he smiles at me sadly, acknowledging the gulf between us.

An influx of happier memories push their way to the front of my mind. Water balloon fights with Lincoln, Uncle Jacob sneaking me a cooked corn cob before anyone else, watching the NRL grand final on the big screen, wrapping my legs around Lincoln in the pool, using the water as a blanket to disguise me giving him a sneaky handy, and blowing him off behind the pool shed when our dads were within twenty metres of us.

All these memories are the definition of a lifelong, soulmate love. If only that was the end of our story.

It wasn’t in plain sight before, but off to the left, a bit further away from the pool, is the very spa that ruined our future. As the disdainful memory assaults me, I stiffen. Blinking just as quick to erase the slideshow of foul memories, I breathe in deeply to centre myself. That was the past. I am in the present.

‘Let’s go sit with Rome and Lily, yeah? Dad, I think the guys are wrecking your barbie,’ Jas says, knowing I need an escape. It’s comical, how alarmed Uncle Jacob looks at the very thought of his precious food being ruined. I don’t chance a second glance at Yvonne, instead letting Jas lead me to the gated pool. I’m partially comforted that my glasses are already shading my eyes with the stares that are following my every move.

I paste on an extra toothy grin, like the one I use in my interviews or when I’m promoting my various products, so that people can see how totally normal it is for me to be here.

‘Hey, bitches,’ I call out. Bitches? I’ve never called anyone a bitch in my life. Lily pops her head up and frantically waves us over.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Lincoln and Joel have extricated themselves from the group of men and are making a beeline straight towards me. I pick up the pace, really not wanting to engage with them. That would be an epic collision, in my books.

Jas seems to get the hint, and we practically glide into the pool area and plop ourselves down on the remaining space near Lily and Rome.

‘Drink,’ Lily orders, handing me her half-empty cup of vodka, lime and soda. I chug the remaining contents, half to cool down and half to get drunk faster. Staring up at the clouds for a second, I scowl, remembering how Lincoln and I used to stare up at the sky for hours, finding shapes among the clouds. It started off innocently enough as kids, and then transformed into hand holding and making out for hours on end as the years went by.

‘Thanks.’ I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, the icy drops doing fuck all to cool me down. It’s stifling, but I don’t think that’s why I’m feeling feverish. Impossibly, the glimpse I saw of Lincoln confirms that he’s reached GQ-level sexy, which is ludicrously unfair.

‘Bastard looks good,’ It’s like Lily can read my mind.

Glaring at her, I respond. ‘Didn’t notice.’

‘Liar, liar, pants on fire,’ she snickers before going back to whomever she’s texting on her phone.

‘Why are you even here? I thought you and Rome avoided these parties now.’

‘For you, bitch. Tell us how the call went?’

‘Wouldn’t have made a difference if I made it or not. It was stilted, like I was talking to a stranger,’ I tell them honestly. ‘I was prepared to come in, smile or nod, maybe say hello, but now I have all this nervous energy just bubbling inside of me. It’s hard being here,’ I confess.

‘He was a massive part of your life, babe. Heck, he used to speak about you non-stop, even when we were like, twelve. Being here must feel like you’re walking down memory lane,’ Rome says, squeezing my thigh.

‘It is, but part of this place still feels like home because of Uncle Jacob and Jas, you know?’ I bump shoulders with Jas, who’s listening on sympathetically. My tinted sunglasses help disguise my perusal as I sneak a look back over to where Linc is talking to Yvonne.

He’s taller, broader, and his hair is in that perfect Ryan-Gosling-side-part-fuck-me style. The baby face that could charm the hell out of anyone and had dazzled me beyond comprehension is gone. In its place, a gruff stubble that alludes that he is all man. He still keeps himself in shape, lean and muscular, with defined biceps, but not too over the top. His megawatt grin is captivating as he tips his head back and laughs at whatever his aunt is babbling about. I can slightly hear it from here, and it’s his fake, polite laugh.

As if he feels my eyes on him, he turns to where I’m sitting and looks at me behind his dark shades. I can feel the sear of his gaze penetrate my core. Immediately, I look away, plucking a nonexistent piece of lint off my shorts. I don’t need to look up to see that he’s still watching me. The pull between us has always been magnetic; no matter where we were, we can always find each other among a sea of people.

‘I’m going to grab a drink. Do you want anything?’ Jas asks me.

‘Just water with lemon.’

With her leaving, a very precarious vacated seat is left beside me for anyone to fill. I’m not oblivious that my ex classmates are ogling this way, but I just wish they’d get over the staring and come and say hi. It’s starting to make me feel uncomfortable, like I’m an animal in a zoo.

‘Fuck. Incoming,’ Rome mutters, causing Lily to drop her phone and both of us to freeze. I am not ready to face Lincoln just yet. I don’t need to worry about that, though, since the second worst person approaches us. Joel.

‘So this is where the mega superstar is?’ He stands right in front of me, eclipsing the sun, forcing me to tip my head back. At the end of the day, Joel didn’t force Lincoln to break up with me or stop talking to me. He was just a cunt who fat-shamed me my entire life.

Reminding myself that I need to keep my cool, I politely smile. ‘Hi, Joel.’

His eyes sleazily roam over my features. I’m not immune to the fact that people do this day in and day out online and even on the street. At first, when I was battling my addiction and demons, I used to worry myself sick over every comment. But as I healed, I developed a thicker skin about my insecurities. Of course, they’re still there, but my self-worth is no longer attached to anyone else’s opinion.

---