Page 86 of Pieces of Us

‘I had a G-string on. None of his body parts were inserted in mine.’ It isn’t a test, but if he doesn’t believe me, there will be no way forward for us.

‘I hate him.’ His head falls back on the headrest, making a loud thump.

‘No, you don’t.’

He huffs. ‘No. I don’t. How can I hate someone who is so selfless? Who looked after my girl? Who gave her back to me? He never took anything from you. Plus, if I was gay, I’d bang him.’

I almost piss myself laughing at how adorable he is. It feels like we’re teens again. If only that were true. I’d do so many things differently.

When my fit dies down, I turn to him. ‘Linc?’

‘Hmm?’

‘I need to ask you something.’

He sits up and faces his body towards mine. His honey-coloured orbs are intently focused on mine.

‘Do you think we can get past this? Or are you willing to try? A lot of trust has been broken on both ends, and I really don’t know how to get it back…’ I air my deepest fears.

‘The question is, do you want to?’ he quizzes.

I squirm on the spot. I haven’t made this decision lightly.

‘I don’t know. I think we just need to keep the pressure off.’

He licks his bottom lip in anxiousness.

‘I can’t break you again.’ My lips turn down in sorrow at the start of his rejection. ‘But I can’t let you go, either. You’re mine. You have been since we were four, and you will be in every reincarnated version of us.’ Suddenly, my heart soars.

My heart is leaping in my chest, threatening to go into cardiac arrest, but I need to reel it in. As much as I wish we could jump back to being together, we need to take microscopic steps.

‘I feel like we have so much more to unpack.’ I sigh.

‘I know.’ He drops his head, bothered by something. ‘I think I need to go and see someone about…your issues. Maybe joint counselling?’ he hedges. He’s in pain as he pauses. ‘I don’t know how to cope with half of the things you’ve gone through or understand them, but I will try, and I will learn.’

My eyes twinkle with tears, dim at potential future implications.

‘It’s going to be gritty to hear some things. It’s going to be draining. But most of all, it’s going to be frustrating to learn who we are now as opposed to who we were in the past. I’m afraid we won’t be able to handle it.’

‘I’m willing to try if you are.’

Biting my lip in nervousness, I nod, at least willing to try.

There is one lingering doubt in my mind: what my job means for us. ‘I need you to understand that who you dated all those years ago is not who I am anymore. I live a life in the public eye. My job involves flirting and nudity. I travel and have this whole glamorous life that I know can be difficult to accept.’

I’m not saying I won’t compromise, but I love what I’ve built, and I’m proud. ‘I don’t want to lose myself in you, like I let happen before,’ I emphasise.

‘We will work it out.’

We each take a breath, marinating on everything that’s just been said. He’s the first one to cut the silence.

‘Since you’ve been back, all I’ve done is really talk and tell you how much I’ve changed, to give me a chance, but I haven’t shown you. I want to prove to you that you are my world.’

I frown, not knowing where he’s going with this.

‘I’ve requested Billie be transferred to another department. I don’t want you to have to be near her. Billie and I will always share a complicated past, filled with good and bad memories, but that’s just what it is—my past. Any residual feelings of fondness or memories will be just that.’

It’s the best-case scenario, I guess. I can’t tell him to hate her or to forget the times they shared. It was part of the tapestry that made the man sitting in front of me today.

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