Page 90 of Pieces of Us

I hand her my phone and tell her to flick to the folder, ‘The Amity’. She looks at me as if I’m deranged. ‘It wasn’t the first home I designed, but when I finished, I really fell in love with it and thought of you.’

She swipes through the images, zooming in on certain rooms and accents. ‘Why? Is it like the one we dreamed up?’

‘Not really, but it’s timeless, like you. Not understated but not flash. Just effortlessly stunning.’ She blows me a kiss, giddy at my description. Handing me back my phone, she waits for the next question. ‘Best experience so far?’

‘Hot air ballooning in Cappadocia.’ Her answer is as if she’s landed in a fairytale. ‘It’s enchanting. Otherworldly. The vibrant colours and mosaics of the balloons stand out against the muted tones of the rugged landscape, and when you’re up in the air, it’s just so serene. It’s just a blur of dreams, reality and fantasy woven in a kaleidoscope of colours and shapes. It’s mesmerising,’ she gushes, flicking through a folder of images from her time spent in Turkey. I’m glad she got that experience. I just wish it was with me. ‘What about you?’

‘I definitely haven’t travelled as much as you, but after everything that happened with the miscarriage, I went to Thailand by myself and did the lighting of a lantern at the Yi Peng Festival.’ She cocks her head, unfamiliar with it. ‘Thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands gather in open fields or along riverbanks, clutching intricately carved lanterns. You make a wish or a prayer for the future and then light them. I can’t explain it, but being a part of it ignited this profound sense of wonder and connection, like everyone was there for the same thing. I can’t even explain the moment when the lanterns fill with hot air and they all inflate and rise into the night sky. It’s luminous, and there’s just this sense of wonder and awe. I’ve never seen something so pretty or ethereal in my entire life. Truly magical.’

‘What did you wish for?’ It comes out as a gentle and reverent whisper.

‘To find my way back home.’

‘And where’s home?’

‘It’s always been with you.’ She casts her eyes down, taking my hand in hers again and leaving it there.

‘Tell me a place you want to go but haven’t yet?’

‘I want to swim in the Sea of Stars in the Maldives.’

Her hand descends on my thigh, the resounding slap echoing through the car.

‘Shut up! Me too! It would literally be like swimming in the cosmos. When I’ve seen videos and pictures, it actually looks like the sea is shimmering with an otherworldly glow or swirling constellations or something, even though it’s only bioluminescent plankton. Argh, can you imagine floating on your back and then looking up at the canopy of stars? It would be such an indelible reminder that the universe is so much bigger than we can ever imagine.’

It’s intoxicating, listening to her. She’s always had an unbelievable depth to her but I can tell studying journalism has opened her up to new ways of thinking about things. I saw more than just glimpses of this girl when we were together, but now it’s like her whole personality radiates it.

‘We’ll get there one day. You probably could make it happen with a snap of your fingers. Just schedule an interview there.’ I flick the blinker on, signalling our last turn, which takes us up a winding, dusty road to our destination.

‘I definitely could,’ she agrees. ‘But I want to go with my soulmate, you know. Or my other half, I guess.’ I don’t dare ask her if she pictures that person to be me.

Parking my car on a patch of dirt, we decide it will be safer if we get an Uber home, so we can both immerse ourselves in tonight’s festivities. It’s a nonplus issue, but I feel like an idiot for not thinking about it sooner.

I take her hand in mine, leading her through the front to check us in. The softness of her small hand in mine makes me feel fiercely protective, like she’s mine. She doesn’t notice but I pay immediate attention to the raucous she causes when people start noticing her. It’s disconcerting to see how little privacy she has, but she takes it all in her stride, offering polite smiles and posing for photos. What should have taken less than a minute to get from the car to the distillery takes ten.

It’s only when the owner comes out that we’re ushered inside. We learn some amazing facts about the place, like the fact that their first product was actually hand sanitiser in the midst of Covid and that the gin is infused with honey from their beehive. We take a tour of the distillery before using their state-of-the-art Alembic Pot stills to make our own. Hand-selecting botanicals, we concoct our own creations, curating it to each of our tastes. Of course, I go more tart while she goes more sweet. Next, we move onto the cocktail masterclass, which, to our surprise, incorporates Amity’s tea collection. It’s a brilliant opportunity for her to get a couple of reels and photos with the mixologists, but I think they’re more thrilled at the free publicity to millions of her followers.

By the time the cheese and cracker board comes out, we are well past tipsy. The gourmet experience is offered either indoors or by giving us a blanket to find a place to picnic outside.

‘This has been incredible,’ she muses as she rests her head in my lap. I thread my fingers through her soft strands, savouring how silky it feels.

We’ve ventured off the beaten track, opting for a little privacy.

‘It’s been pretty amazing, hey?’

‘I’ve had so much fun. I can’t believe that in a few days, I’ll be back to reality.’ When she groans this time, it’s pained.

‘What can I do to make it easier?’

‘Just don’t forget about me. I know my job isn’t easy to accept, but text me or call. I don’t want another seven years to go by and for us to still be strangers.’ Even though my back doesn’t bend this way, I lean over and give her a kiss on the lips.

‘We won’t.’

She reaches up to cup my face, which is when I spot a tattoo that I haven’t even noticed until now. Capturing her wrist in my hand, I thumb over the semicolon.

‘What’s this?’ I keep stroking, fascinated by the delicacy of it. Despite it being so dainty, I can tell it’s significant.

‘It’s my tattoo. My one and only. I got it after rehab. We all did. Everyone who helped me. It represents overcoming some sort of hardship and is a symbol of hope for those who have battled depression, anxiety, addiction and other mental health issues.’

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