Page 10 of When I Fall In Love

I don’t miss him anymore. With pure brutal force I made sure of that. I stand and clear my throat. “I think we’re done here.”

“No, we haven’t even started.”

“Well, I think we’ve spoken about everything there is to speak about.”

“We’ve spoken about nothing.” Hunter stands and takes a business card from his jacket’s inner pocket, places it on the table and pushes it in my direction with a perfectly manicured male finger. A finger that has been places.

I swallow as I follow the card’s trajectory over the table, the digit that connects to a strong male hand with veins running shallow beneath his skin and away under his cuff. I burn to see where they go… Over his forearm, circling over the white inner skin to his biceps. Having known the teenager, my eyes yearn to see what this man looks like now without his shirt.

Hunter lifts his finger off the card and reaches for his laptop bag. “I’m here for a few more days. Let me know when I can take you for lunch.”

I stare blindly at his business card, too many emotions fighting to surface as he unhurriedly packs his things away.

“I’ll see myself out.” Hunter comes to stand next to me. “It’s been good seeing you, Beth. I wish it was under different circumstances.”

I nod, not trusting my voice, avoiding his gaze. Now that the shock of seeing him here has ebbed, everything else comes up in stark relief. We’ve never had different circumstances. They’ve always been difficult. I take a deep breath, palm my phone and his card, and walk out of the meeting room.

“The elevator is that way.” I point toward reception and then rush off, not waiting to see if he follows me or where he goes.

Like a coward, I slip into the nearest ladies’ instead and burst into tears.

4

BETH

“Oh. My. God.” Jana’s voice in my ear is the last thing I need. We might be friends, but since our respective divorces Jana has moved on swiftly whereas I’m still struggling to get out of bed most days. To have my boss seeing me having a breakdown in the bathroom as if I’d just been bullied on the playground wasn’t on my to-do list today. I can’t appear to be out of control. Ever.

Jana has me by the hand and leads me to the disability stall, her high heels clicking urgently on the tiled floor. She promptly shoves us both into the stall and makes me sit down on the closed toilet lid. “Who died?” she asks, her voice strained with concern.

I shake my head, but between the tears and the giant bellowing sobs that tear from my chest, I can’t speak. She’s piling toilet paper in my hand now and I try to deal but I can hardly breathe, it hurts so much.

“Breathe, Beth, breathe.” She’s on her haunches in front of me, the stall door closed, and I let go of my phone and plant my face into the crunched-up wad of toilet paper. “That’s it. Have a good cry, God knows you never do.”

My phone drops to the floor, but I don’t care; the pain doesn’t stop tearing through my chest. I don’t know how long it takes, but eventually I can look her in the eye.

“You see what I’m saying?” Jana says softly, her green eyes searching mine intently. “This is what I mean by your body telling you to stop. What triggered this? Or should I ask who?” She holds Hunter’s business card in her hand with my phone. “Hunter Logan, CEO of Ashleigh Lake Organic Ice Cream and Dairy? All the way from Vermont?”

I shake my head, but it is a nod too and the tears well up again in time for the sob.

“Right.” Jana sweeps a hand through her thick black bob, a gesture that I’ve come to learn means business. “This has to do with the farm you’ve inherited from your mom? The place where you grew up and got evicted from when you were fifteen?”

“Evicted isn’t a strong enough word,” I whisper on a hiccup. That day felt like so much more than an eviction and it still haunts me. We didn’t even get a notice, and none of the usual eviction protocols were followed. Worst of all: our rent wasn’t overdue.

“But that’s what it was, wasn’t it?” Jana stands to roll me a fresh wad of toilet paper from the dispenser. “And I assume this Hunter Logan, CEO, didn’t bring any ice cream along to make you feel better?” She hands me the tissue and takes the mascara-stained bundle from me.

“Nope.” I chuckle through a sob. “And he used to make such delicious ice cream too.”

“Seems to me someone has some work to do in the closure department.” Jana heaves an exasperated sigh. “Can’t say I didn’t see this coming. First your divorce, then your mom, and now this. What does Hunter Logan, CEO, want?”

“He doesn’t want me to sell the farm. Well, not to developers, but we know we’ll get the most money from an investor who buys for development.”

Jana studies me from where she’s leaning against the wall. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you need to go see this farm one last time before you make a decision to sell at all.”

“Jana… it’s on the other side of the country.”

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