Page 15 of Loss

“Don’t play with him, Annabell. I heard Vault gave him permission to date you. I’ve also heard rumblin’ of him sayin’ he’d leave the club because I won’t let anyone be with you. I don’t want to lose him,” Slim tells me, not as my dad right now but as Hunter’s President.

“I’m not playin’ games with him. I see Hunter as a friend and I’ll make sure he knows it. My heart left this morning and you know that as much as everyone else. I tried to move on with someone else. Which is something you also know. However, right now I can’t. I already told the guy from here that I’m not going out with him after the game. And I’ll make sure Hunter knows that I truly love hanging out with him and I’ll go to dinner with him, but as friends and only friends. If he doesn’t want to go because of that, I’ll respect his decision. Hunter is a good guy and I’m not going to hurt him. Vault owns my heart and soul and I won’t get it back again,” I tell him, not looking away from my dad so he sees the truth of my words.

“Make sure Hunter knows that,” Slim says as my coach calls us back to formation.

I nod my head at Slim, set the water down with my warm-ups, and get back in line. I’ve known Hunter had a thing for me, I can see it in his eyes. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to accept the invitation from him. I won’t do anything to come between the club and him. And I don’t want him to leave because of the way he feels about me. It’s the same way I feel about Vault. I’m in a hard spot, but I have to be honest and hope that Hunter understands where I’m coming from. If not, then he won’t have to see me for much longer. I’m already counting down the days before I leave here and it won’t affect him being in the club. I’ll make sure it doesn't, no matter what I have to do.

I’m glad I have all the cheers and movements memorized because my head isn’t in the game. It’s torn between thoughts of Hunter and Vault and what I’m going to do. I need to be careful with my next decisions. Because Hunter won’t know the pain I’m in now because of Vault and the decisions he’s made in his life recently. He knows how I feel about Vault, but not that he completely destroyed me earlier when he left with that girl. It’s killing me and Hunter will know as soon as I get a chance to talk to him.

We win the game and I cheer along with the rest of the girls though my heart isn’t in it. I have to pretend I’m excited and here in the moment. It’s something I’m going to have to get used to doing, I fear, but I’ll get through this and make it out the other side. Vault has made it extremely clear how he feels about me now for some reason. All of our dreams and future mean nothing to him. I honestly wonder if they ever did mean a damn thing to him. Yeah, I know he said he loves me and to never doubt that he does, but it doesn’t seem that way right now. If he loved me, he’d fight for me. Hell, if I loved him, I’d fight for him harder than I have. Maybe this was something else and we just called it love for some reason. It’s something I’ll have to think about.

I don’t think Vault’s selfish anymore. I feel like he’s lost his way and doesn’t know how to get it back. He won’t let anyone in enough to help him find it again. Including his twin brother. The thought of them being separated hurts my heart because they used to be closer than anyone else I’ve ever known to be blood related. And not just because they’re twins either. Vault and Valor had one of the greatest relationships and bonds I was ever lucky enough to witness. They were always what the other one needed in that exact moment. If Valor was upset, Vault knew exactly what to do to pull him back and get him out of his head. When Vault first got back to the club the day they lost Hound, he relied on Valor to carry him and hold him up. I don’t know when that changed, but something snapped deep inside him and he’s the only one who can fix it now.

Slim and Shy drive us back home and I head to my room. After taking off my make-up and brushing my hair out, I pull Vault's shirt on with my shorts. Sliding between the sheets, the tears once again start to fall as I think of the man riding out of my life and away from the club he’s been a part of his entire life. I hate that it’s come to this for Vault, but there’s nothing anyone can do about it now. It’s just too bad he chose to cut me out instead of talking about this with me. Again, that’s his decision to make and one I’ll have to learn to live with.

Chapter Nine

Vault

I’VE BEEN ON the road for a week now. After dropping the house bunny off at her mom’s house, I kept going. She tried so hard to get me to stay with her, just like she tried to get me to fuck her the two days she was with me. I told her to fuck off and if she didn’t stop, I was going to leave her behind to find her own way to her mom’s. I’m not playing games with the bitch. She’s lucky I even decided to give her a ride out of Benton Falls considering I never thought I’d have anyone but Bell on the back of my bike. I saw her face fall when she saw the house bunny standing with me. It was plain as day what she thought was happening and I said nothing to take that thought from her. Just one more reason I’m a fucking asshole and hurting her.

When she heard I was leaving, the house bunny asked me for a ride. I told her I’d let her go with me, but not to expect anything from me. Not anymore. This whole trip away is about me finding myself and figuring out what I have to do to get past the loss of my dad. It’s not about losing myself more in loose pussy or random women I find along the way. My plan is to get away from Benton Falls and see if there’s anything else out in the world for me away from the town filled with so many memories and the ghosts of my past.

So, I dropped the bitch off without so much as a goodbye and kept heading for the coast. I let my mind drift as I ride while still managing to pay attention to my surroundings so I don’t get caught off guard with a car who doesn’t see me. After what feels like years, I see a sign for a gas station. Getting off the highway I’ve been coasting along, I come to a small town called Cedar Bay. Everything along my way to the gas station looks so rundown. I see a few girls standing on the corners, looking for some fun for a few hours or so. Something about this place sets me on edge and I know this wasn’t how it used to be. I’ve never been here before, but the feeling in my gut tells me something horrible is sucking the life from this small town.

Pulling into the gas station, litter fills the parking lot and it almost looks abandoned. If it weren’t for the lights on inside illuminating the worker behind the counter, I’d keep riding until I find a different one. Or get back on the highway and head to the next town over. Instead, I pull up to a pump and use my card to fill my tank. Once I’m done, I walk my bike the short distance to the building and put the kickstand down so I’m next to the curb and can get to it in a hurry if someone tries to fuck with my things.

Walking in the building, I nod at the cashier and grab some drinks and snacks before heading to the counter. I set my purchases down and look around as the young teen rings me up and places my things in a bag. A decision is made before I can even fully think it through.

“Is there a hotel here?” I ask him, continuing to look around the small store that’s definitely seen better days.

“Yeah. About a mile down the road. You might be able to find a room available,” he answers, his voice telling me I’d be better off finding a room somewhere else.

“There somethin’ goin’ on in town?” I ask, trying to find out information about what’s going on around here.

“Nope. Just the drug dealers and pimps book it up on a daily basis. They don’t take kindly to strangers poking their noses in their business either,” the kid answers, giving me more information than I’m sure he intended to as he looks around like someone’s going to come after him for what he’s just said.

“I see. And how long has this been goin’ on?” I question him, handing over the money for my purchase.

“A few months now. We used to be a great little tourist town, but the dealers and pimps have ruined that for us. Now, you see what the town looks like—a ghost town,” he tells me, handing me my change and sliding the bag closer to me.

“So, what if someone could come in and help clean it up for you?” I ask, an idea forming in my mind.

“We’d all appreciate it,” he tells me, hope filling his eyes before he quickly blinks it away.

“Okay. Well, you just hang tight and I’ll see what I can do,” I tell him, thanking him for my stuff and leaving the little store behind.

I shove the bag into my saddle bag and straddle my bike again. After looking around for a minute, I start the engine and make my way down the road for the motel the kid told me about. If I’m going to bring this plan to Slim, I’m gonna have to have more information about what’s going on here. The only way to do that is to ensure I’m right in the middle of the shitstorm. Slim and the club will need to know everything before they make a decision to help this small town or leave them to fend for themselves. I just hope they agree to let me help remove the trash and let them move on as they used to be. For the first time in so long, I have a purpose and peace fills me. I’m doing something good and there’s a sense of calm filling me as if my dad is telling me to follow through with this.

It doesn’t take me long to find the motel. I can see at one point in time, it was a grand place with a valet stand still sitting on the front of the large overhang in case it’s raining out. The outside of the motel is a tan color with faded red and green flags hanging from in front of the door. Now, it just looks rundown like the rest of Cedar Bay. I don’t like it one bit. Especially knowing the people of this small coastal town want to have it cleaned back up and restored to its former glory. And that’s without talking to anyone other than a teenager. If he says the town’s residents want it cleaned up, then I know everyone feels the same.

Parking my bike, I head in the door and ask for a room. I manage to snag the last one and let the woman at the counter know I’ll be staying for at least a week. That should give me more than enough time to find out what I need to know and compile it all to take back to Slim.

My hope is Slim lets me come back here and start a new chapter of the Phantom Bastards. If not right in Cedar Bay then in one of the surrounding towns where I can still keep an eye on the small town to make sure this shit doesn’t happen again. I can accomplish a few goals if he grants my wish. The first one is getting Cedar Bay cleaned up and making it a tourist location again. And, I’ll be away from Annabell so I can’t hurt her anymore. I’ll also be away from Benton Falls where all of my memories are waiting to creep back up and haunt me until I completely lose my mind.

After getting my key and paying for the week, I head out and move my bike so it’s right outside of my door. I grab my bag of snacks, the bag of clothes, and make sure my keys are in my pocket before heading into the room and leaving my bike outside. I’ll be able to keep an eye on it from my room and not let anyone fuck with it. Someone touches my bike, they’ll find out really fucking quick that you don’t mess with me. No one touches what belongs to me or they feel my wrath and right now, no one wants that shit. I held back the day I got into a fight with Valor and would never hit him as hard as I can because that’s my brother. I’ve hurt him more than enough and refuse to do more damage to our already strenuous relationship.

I throw my stuff down on the bed and take in the room before me. It’s dingy with paint peeling from the walls. There’s an old box TV on the dresser and both have seen better days. Walking into the bathroom, I see residue on the countertop and the window has been smashed out and patched up with a piece of plywood. This is not what I was expecting at all, but if I have my way, it will go back to the way it was once before. At least I hope it will. Regardless of if every business and building can be fixed to its original glory, I’ll make sure the dealers and pimps are removed from the town so the residents can figure out how to move forward with their freedom once again.

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