Page 47 of Loss

“It shouldn’t take me that long. If I get Shy and Savannah here, it will take even less time. The guys can help load the truck for us because you’re not able to. How many guys are here with you?” I ask him, knowing it wasn’t just Valor and him that came to Benton Falls.

“I’ve got my brother, Chrome, Court, Buzz, and Crab with me. Buzz is workin’ with Fox and Kingston right now. I can’t believe all the shit Kingston already knows about computers and what his dad does for the club. He’s smart as fuck and will be an asset for the club when it’s his time to patch in. Get the girls here to help you pack everythin’ up. The sooner we can get back on the road and headin’ home, the better I’ll feel,” he tells me and I know he’s thinking about his dad and all the memories they made over the years here in Benton Falls.

“Okay. Get some rest, Alex. You need to sleep and let the medicine do the job it’s meant to,” I tell him, snuggling up to him the best I can without hurting him.

While Alex is still awake, I start to talk to him about what we went through when we were held and how I feel after killing those three assholes. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. That’s the part I’m having a hard time with. If I were a better person, I’d be upset and scared that I took three lives in the blink of an eye for any reason. It shouldn’t matter that they were men who were trying to hurt me and did hurt Alex. I still shot and killed three people. Alex understands where I’m coming from and tells me that I’m not a bad person or a monster because I protected myself. It would be the same if I were with someone else and protecting my home from someone trying to break in. He finally manages to fall asleep and it’s not long before I follow him into the blissful escape where I dream of Alex, our child, and myself in our new home in Pine View surrounded by the guys we call family.

Epilogue

Savannah

FIVE YEARS HAS passed since the last time I saw Valor. For the longest time, he was my whole world besides my sisters and I miss him with every beat of my heart. I’m the reason for the separation between us because I told him I wouldn’t go to Pine View with them. Not after what I discovered and what I saw in the clubhouse just before they left. Valor doesn’t care who’s riding his dick and that was made very clear in a matter of a few minutes. I thought he was so much different than the rest of the guys who used women and fucked them for his own pleasure. He was never like that with me. Every single time he was with me, Valor always made sure I found my release more than a few times before he would let himself go. It’s just how things were between the two of us until it all shattered and made me realize I was a fool to believe in love. Yeah, I was falling in love with him and nothing will ever take that love from me now because I’ve loved him for five years and it doesn’t get any easier with each passing day.

The first thing I found out was that Valor is in love with Kasey. She’s the daughter of a member of the Wild Kings MC, Rage. Kasey is with Anthony and they have been together for a little while now. Still, Valor wants her and I’ve seen it with my own eyes. When they come to the clubhouse for various events or things, he’s constantly watching over her and following her with his eyes. Something he’s never done with me before. I’ve even found letters he’s written to her but never had the balls to give her because of whatever reason. I didn’t mean to find them, but they were sitting out in his room at the house he shared with my sisters and me. I’d gone in there to get his dirty laundry and they were spread out across his bed. Now, I know the truth that he’ll never love me and I’m no better than the house bunnies all the club members use in the clubhouse. Maybe I should talk to Slim about becoming one since that’s how he made me feel.

After finding those letters, I walked in the clubhouse one day to find him not wearing his cut or shirt following behind a house bunny who was soaking wet. They were leaning really close together, whispering to one another as they disappeared from view. Valor had his arm wrapped around the girl and it looked very intimate from my point of view. I stood there with tears in my eyes and couldn’t move from the spot. It wasn’t until Shy walked in the clubhouse that I finally gathered myself enough to move and hid until she made her way to Slim’s office. Then, I ran back home and pretended as if nothing happened and I was okay. I had no choice but to do that when my sisters were going to be home from school soon and I have to be there for them. Valor ended up not coming home that night and I never brought it up. Instead, I became distant and didn’t let him touch me again. He never even asked why I stopped sleeping with him. I guess he doesn’t have to when he’s fucking the house bunnies and it doesn’t matter if we’re having sex or not. I was just another in the long line of girls he’s been with over the years.

Watching Valor leave was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I remained at the house the club gave my sisters and me to live in. It’s just outside the compound, but close enough that they can be to us in seconds if something happens. Standing on the porch, I watched Vault and Valor tell everyone goodbye. Vault came over to talk to me for a few minutes before they left, but Valor stayed at the compound. I said everything I needed to the night before when we talked for the last time as he moved the last of his stuff out of the house and stayed at the clubhouse because they were having a party for the brothers who were leaving and moving to a small city to start their lives over again. Somewhere they didn’t have the constant reminders of their dad and growing up with him at the clubhouse.

Since then, I’ve still helped the club any way I can and work with the ol’ ladies for their cookouts and any parties they have. It’s not the same without Vault and Valor there and everyone feels their loss. None of us can blame them for leaving though. I wouldn’t want to stay somewhere the memories were so overwhelming that I couldn’t look in a single direction and not think of a memory involving someone I loved the way they loved their dad. Plus, I’ve started dating and distanced myself from the guys in the club. I’ll always be there for them, but I need to live a separate life from the one they live daily. They’re not my family and I have to stop pretending they are. I’m just the girl they saved with her sisters from being trafficked to assholes who wanted to buy another person instead of getting one the old fashioned way. Stupid fucks!

The first thing I did after Valor left was get a job to continue taking care of my sisters. I adopted them a while ago and Valor demanded that he take care of us so I could focus on them and didn’t have to worry about working outside the house. He wanted me to be there for the girls as we adjusted to our new way of life. I was grateful for him and appreciated the gift he gave me. Without him helping me, I wasn’t about to rely on the club to take care of us when there’s no reason I can’t work. So, I went out and got a job at one of the local stores. They gave me forty hours a week and all the overtime I could take. Plus, they let me work around the hours my sisters had their various sporting events and other things they were involved in.

I met one guy when I had gone out for coffee after taking my sisters to a summer program they were in. It’s not something I do very often, but that morning I needed a pick me up because I didn’t sleep the night before. He was in line behind me and struck up a conversation. His name is Conrad and I got a weird vibe from him, but didn’t honestly think too much of it because I didn’t think I’d ever see him again. So, I made small talk with him and ordered my coffee before leaving. Our interactions didn’t stop there though. Conrad found out where I worked somehow and started showing up every single shift I had. It was creepy as hell, but I kept it to myself. I didn’t need a bunch of overprotective assholes stepping into my business and trying to control my life more than they already do.

Shy is the only one who knew I was seeing someone outside of the club. Well, that I was thinking about seeing someone. She was honestly happy for me and thought it would be a good move to make because it would help me forget about Valor and everything he was making me feel. So, after the fifth or sixth time Conrad asked me out, I agreed to go on a date with him. We exchanged numbers and planned to go out on the next Friday night so I could get Shy to watch the girls for me. I wasn’t looking forward to the date, but didn’t want to back out either. It was the first step to getting over Valor and I was gonna take it no matter what.

There were four days between me agreeing to go out with Conrad and when our date was. He messaged me every single day and tried to get me to send him sexual messages. I refused and he would get so angry. It was almost enough for me to cancel the date with him, but I stupidly refused to do that. I thought I could handle the date and spending an hour or so with Conrad. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I’d give anything to change it. But, I can’t change the past and there’s no way in fuck I can get back what he’s said and done to me now. I have to deal with it and move on with my life again. Maybe it’s time for the girls and I to leave Benton Falls behind and start our lives over somewhere no one knows us.

Conrad took me to Bottoms Up, a bar the club owns. Stryker and Killer were there that night and to say they were shocked when they saw me walk in with a guy that isn’t a club member would be an understatement. I could tell from the money on the bar in front of them that they were getting ready to leave and I wanted to release the breath I was holding. That feeling didn’t last long when I watched as they each ordered bottles of water and food, getting comfortable in their seats as they watched Conrad lead me through the bar and to a booth near the back.

“Can I order us something to drink?” Conrad asked me as I sat down in the booth and he remained standing next to me.

“Yeah. I’ll have a soda please. I’m not a drinker and don’t want anything with alcohol in it,” I tell him as Conrad glares down at me and I want to go stand next to Killer and Stryker.

“Are you fucking kidding me? We’re here to have fun and a good time. Have a fucking drink, Savannah,” he yells, making more than a few heads turn our way as I cower down in the booth while he stands over me and continues to glare.

“I’m not having a drink no matter what you have to say or think about it. I. Don’t. Drink,” I state, anger filling my voice as Killer stands from his chair and Stryker stops him from making his way over to me.

“Fine,” he yells before heading to the bar and ordering drinks while flirting with the bartender.

I don’t bother looking at the Stryker and Killer because I don’t want to see the disappointment and rage filling their eyes. So, I look down at the table in front of me and don’t pay attention to Conrad at all. He’s a fucking asshole and I should’ve never agreed to go on this date with him. My gut has never been wrong in the past and I need to learn to rely on it now. I’m done ignoring my gut as I get out of the booth and toss a few dollars on the table in front of me as Conrad makes his way back over.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Conrad growls out, his voice hard and cold as he grabs my arm and hurts me in the process.

“I’m leaving. This was a horrible idea and I never should’ve let you pressure me into saying yes,” I state, raising my voice so the guys can hear me and know I don’t want to be here with this fucker.

“You’re not leaving me here alone. You’re nothing more than a fucking slut. Just because I’m not a biker doesn’t mean my cock isn’t good enough for you. It’s probably better than the biker cock you’ve been riding,” Conrad states as Killer steps up behind him and grabs his neck in a tight hold. The asshole finally shuts up and looks ready to piss his pants as Stryker steps behind me.

“Got a problem here?” Killer asks as Stryker looks down at my arm to see the bruise already forming on my skin.

“Nope. My girl is difficult and likes to treat me like a piece of shit when I don’t spoil her the way she wants to be spoiled,” Conrad says, turning this shit around on me.

“Really? I know Savannah quite well and have for a few years now. She’s the least difficult woman I’ve ever met in my life,” Killer says, his voice hard and cold as he tosses Conrad into the booth I was just sitting in. “My wife is one of her good friends and she’s practically a virgin. You ever fuckin’ insult her again, I’ll cut your fuckin’ tongue out. I see you hurt her and I’ll rip the arms from your body. Savannah, sweetheart, why don’t you get out of here. I’ll have the Prospect take you home to be with the girls. Lock your door and don’t come out the rest of the night. I’ll make sure the Prospect doesn’t leave the house. Stryker and I are gonna have a little chat with this asshole and make sure he leaves you alone.”

“Thank you, guys. I’ll see ya later. Tell Gwen and Sally that I’ll get with them in the next day or two,” I tell them as I turn and leave them with Conrad.

I’ve been around these guys enough to know there’s no talking them out of doing something when they put their minds to it. They’re gonna protect me and make sure Conrad leaves me alone from now on. I’m grateful for them being here tonight so I didn’t have to suffer through a horrible date and all that bullshit. I can go home and spend my time with the girls and forget all about Conrad and his asshole tendencies.

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