Page 36 of One Hellish Desire

“Vanraj called me this evening. He told me you aren’t even answering his calls. Why is that?”

I can’t tell her I am ignoring my father’s calls because I am busy thinking of someone else other than his work. I shut my eyes and decide to put an end to this. I have a solution to my problems, but the only hindrance is my own agreement to it. I open my eyes and make her sit on the single couch next to us. Then, I kneel at her feet. She watches me with amused expressions.

“Do you trust me, Daadi?” I ask with a no-nonsense tone. She smiles at me and nods. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Answer my question, Daadi. Do you trust me to take the right decisions for our family?” Now her smile turns into worry. “Vikram? What is it?”

“Yes, or no?” I repeat.

I think I am forcing her to say yes. She might not trust me or my father completely as we were never there for her. But I don't want her to judge me by that. I know I am not going to be the same irresponsible grandson hereon. I am going to look after her no matter what.

“Yes,” she replies with tears brimming in her eyes. I am happy. She trusts me. I grip her palm tight. “Then promise me you will give me what I want.”

She is in a fix now. “What do you want?” she manages to ask in a stuttering voice. I don't tell her yet, because that's exactly when Maahi comes out looking for Daadi, and we both turn to see her. Daadi instantly glances at me again, and I know she has got her reply. She can read it on my face... in my eyes... from my expressions that I want Maahi... I want her!

CHAPTER 11

MAAHI

I was searching for Daadi when I find her and Vikram in the garden. The moment I approach, Vikram's gaze falls upon me. It's different this time - intense, troubled, vulnerable. The way Daadi stares back at him makes me wonder if I've interrupted a heavy conversation. What were they discussing? Vikram gets up abruptly and walks away, leaving me perplexed. Were they talking about me? I don't care. I make my way to Daadi, who looks utterly shaken.

“Daadi,” I sit next to her, concerned. “It's freezing out here; you shouldn't be without a shawl.”

I drape my own shawl around her shoulders. She looks at me, bewildered. I can sense something weighing heavily on her mind. Vikram must have told her something shocking. She grips my arms tightly and pulls me into an embrace. I hug her back, offering silent comfort. Whatever this is, I won't pry. If it's important, she'll share it herself. But if she needs my support, I'll stand by her unconditionally, no matter what she asks of me. We sit there for a long time, but she doesn't utter a word. I pray that whatever is troubling her resolves soon.

VIKRAM

I couldn't bring myself to ask Daadi for the one thing I desired most. And even if I had, I knew she would never give it - sacrifice the feelings of one of us for the other. Never. I pummel the punching bag relentlessly, the force causing it to swing wildly until I land another crushing blow. My body reeks of sweat, but I don't relent. I need this agonizing feeling to dissipate - the feeling of losing my mind, my body, my soul. I've never been on the losing side before, and this time, I'm losing everything - my focus, Devki Estate, and Maahi. I punch the bag again with such force that my knuckles split open and bleed.

“Vikram?” Daadi grabs my arm, pulling me away from the bag. “You're hurting yourself.”

She's distraught, seeing me in pain. I withdraw my arm from her grasp.

“I'm fine, Daadi,” I lie.

“Let me judge that,” she snaps. “You didn't complete our earlier conversation.” She reminds me, and I know she wants to hear it from me. But I won't tell her. It was a moment of weakness when I even considered going to such lengths and sharing my desires with Daadi. I won't make that mistake again.

“That was...nothing.”

I make my way to the bedroom, but she follows me persistently.

“Nothing? You wanted something from me. You made me promise I would give you what you ask for, and now you say it was nothing? I cannot believe you.”

“Then don't believe me,” I shout, my temper flaring.

She recoils, horrified by my outburst, and I quickly apologize.

“I'm sorry,” I say, reining in my emotions. “I just need some time alone, Daadi. Please.”

She doesn't push me further and leaves me be. I'm grateful, for if she had asked me one more time, I would have begged her to cancel Maahi's engagement. But to what end? Merely canceling the engagement or proving Shyam's conspiracy for Devki Estate wouldn't be enough. It still wouldn't benefit me. Today, there's Shyam; tomorrow, there might be another suitor in Cub's life. How many times will I keep her away from other men? Not forever, unless I decide to be one myself. Unless I decide to marry Cub and make her my wife, fulfilling the dream I had envisioned with startling clarity the other day.

Since then, my subconscious mind has conjured up similar visions, where I'm with Maahi, doing things to her she could never have imagined. I've had these crazed fantasies with my wife in mind, and only she fits into all of them. But I know this is next to impossible. Marriage wasn't in my plans anytime soon. Even if I manage to prove Shyam wrong and stop this engagement, Daadi might happily give Maahi's hand to me in marriage, but Mom? She'll freak out knowing I married a woman of Daadi's choosing. And she'll freak out even more when she learns that Maahi has no intention of leaving this place to settle down in the US with me. Dad might remain neutral until I give him what he wants...Devki Estate. But will I do that? Maahi has plans for that place, as do I. One of us will win, and one of us will lose. If I let her win, I'll lose Dad and part of our business commitments. If I let myself win, I'll lose Maahi badly...even if she becomes my wife. I'm in such a terrible situation where I see only a dark pit ahead. I'm utterly screwed!

MAAHI

The next day when I return from the boutique, Daadi informs me that Shyam is invited for dinner.

“Dinner? But tomorrow is the engagement, Daadi. He might be busy,” I protest.

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