Page 71 of Love Lies Bleeding

My breath freezes in my lungs as dread weighs me down. I hate the direction this is taking for him, but I need to hear it and he needs me to listen.

“Mom was out scoring drugs and I was meant to be watching Tiff. I thought she was watching cartoons. I went to play soccer in the alley with my friends. She found some matches and before I knew it, the apartment was on fire. I rushed back inside and she was unconscious by the window. I got her out and the fire department cleared the building but it was too late. Tiff died of smoke inhalation.”

“Oh, Jake.”

Tears run down my cheeks as I think of the little boy who blamed himself for an accident that wasn’t his fault. He was just a kid being given responsibility by a lazy, neglectful mother.

“Hey, no. Don’t cry for me, Blossom.”

Jake wraps me in his arms and holds me tight as the tears fall. I rarely cry and, after my father died, I thought I was broken because I couldn’t cry. Jake’s betrayal had fixed that problem. Although, even now, I’m not a weepy person. My therapist says it’s because I was forced to grow up and not crying had been my way of shielding my mom. I’m not sure if that’s right, but it doesn’t matter.

“I can’t help it. You were a child, Jake. That must have been so awful for you.”

“I was numb. My mom blamed me. Fuck, I blamed me. She wouldn’t even look at me and said it should’ve been me, not Tiff, and I agreed.”

I can feel the coiled tension in his body as he continues. “She was so beautiful, so full of life, and I killed her.”

“No.” I pull back to look him in the eyes. “You did not kill her. It was an awful accident and you were not responsible.”

“You sound like Hunter.”

I snort. “I knew I liked that man.”

A small, sad twitch of his lips makes me want to erase his pain, but guilt and grief don’t work that way.

“Indirectly, I was to blame for their deaths. My mom took an overdose six months later and died.”

My heart breaks for that young boy, who’d had to grow up too young, who was led to believe he was bad and ugly inside by the person who should have protected him.

“Jake, No. However hard it is to hear it, your mother was responsible for both you and your sister, and ultimately herself, too.”

“I was the man of the house. I should have done better but I got worse.”

“What does that mean? You got worse?”

“After mom died, I went into the system. I was a little asshole, Blossom. I stole, I got into fights. I hated everyone and everything, but I was smart and I landed in a program that got me a scholarship to the same school as Mac. If it wasn’t for him and his family, I’d be dead or in jail, because I was headed down that road. I was running with some absolute bastards and I liked it.”

His arms loosen around me and I look up to see disgust and self-loathing on his handsome face. Pain gathers in my heart for that boy and this man who still blames himself and thinks himself so undeserving.

“Why didn’t you tell me this when we were together?”

Jake blows out a breath and shakes his head. “I was young, confident, playing the part I wanted to land. I loved you so much. I thought if you knew the old me, the vile kid with a record, you would’ve run a mile.”

“I would’ve loved you regardless.”

“Maybe, but I couldn’t take the risk.”

“Is this why you did what you did?”

He shakes his head, frustration etched into every pore on his face. “Yes and no. My past came back to haunt me, but it’s no excuse. I should never have done it.”

“No, you shouldn’t have but we all make mistakes.”

“Yeah, except mine cost me the girl I loved.”

I can’t argue or absolve him of those sins because he’d had a choice and made the wrong one. Maybe one day he’ll divulge the details but I can already feel him pulling away and I let him go. Today has been a lot, but I have hope that the festering wounds of the past, once out in the open, will be able to heal and maybe this is the start for both of us.

“We should go. I have plans later.”

---