Page 15 of Mob Star

“You’re responsible for people’s lives and those of the people who love them most. You’re calm in stressful situations. You’re calm when talking to people in crisis. You’re calm and make immediate decisions based on knowledge and observation. You have an inquisitive mind that likes to solve puzzles, even if they’re not crosswords or jigsaws. You can find solutions to things most people would think are unsolvable. You care about others and will sacrifice for other people’s wellbeing. You’re used to being part of a team and will take advice from others as knowledgeable or more than you.” He smiles at me. “I can go on.”

“You can tell all that from meeting me twice?”

“I can deduce it from knowing what you do. Everything about your bearing tells me you’re confident in public because you have to be. As a doctor, even when you have doubts, you must project that air of confidence in your decisions. I don’t know what you’re thinking right now or what you thought the last time you were here, but you’re listening to me. That tells me you’re curious, but fair.”

Wow. I am those things. Like, if I had to get specific describing myself, then those are the things I’d say. But I haven’t given much thought to it before. He said all of it so practically. As though how he described me is a given. He’s not blowing smoke up my ass.

I’ve already told myself the answer to what I’m about to ask. But I need to hear it from him.

“Finn, am I safe with you?”

He watches me for a long moment, and I don’t know why he isn’t answering. He’s looking at me as though he’s evaluating what to say. I don’t like it.

I’m unprepared for him to scoop me off the sofa and settle me on his lap. His left hand takes both of mine, and they rest on my lap. I should try to get up. I should push him away. Instead, I want to lean against him and shut my eyes. I want to melt against him. I feel safe with him like this. Like— I don’t know— like he’ll take care of me —protect me. His right hand glides up and down my right arm. It’s so soothing that I give up trying to keep my body away from his. I lean against his chest and exhale as I let my eyes drift closed.

“Thea, you are safe from me. I will never intentionally hurt you. You know that. That’s why you haven’t jumped off my lap, screamed, or hit me. I told you. I don’t want to lie to you. I can’t promise you’d always be safe with me. I’ll do everything I can to protect you no matter what. But I am a dangerous man.”

Chapter Five

Finn

I have lost my goddamn mind.

It’s not like what my family does is some well-guarded national secret. We’ve run the mob for generations, and the mob is the oldest syndicate in the U.S. Ironically, Mair is the one who made sure most parts of the world know who my family is. It wasn’t her fault her articles leaked before she could delete them from her cloud. It also means denying my connection is futile. But I have never in my life admitted to someone I’m in the mob. People have insinuated. People have guessed.

What I just confessed could not only wind me up in prison, but it could take my entire family with me, including my mom and aunts. It’s not like I’ve never been on a date. Heidi pointed out in her text that I do sometimes. But I don’t have relationships. Her family and the woman’s she’s involved with have been in the mob for at least five generations. I don’t have to hide that from them. I can— could— past tense —cancel on short notice, and they would think nothing of it.

Telling Thea is an entirely different story. She’s a virtual stranger to me and knows nothing about this life. Yet, here I am, bringing her into it. There’s only one reason I would: I want her. I want her for more than a few dates and a few good fucks. That makes her sound like a toy. A possession. Something for me to play with until I don’t want to anymore. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

The way I described her is exactly how I see her. Those qualities are ones she’ll need if we have a future. And a future is exactly what I want because she’s all those things. She’s the first woman I’ve met who I can imagine coming home to, imagine having the strength to endure what life with a man like me means.

I won’t suggest we elope tonight. I’m not in love. Yet. But I could easily fall in love with her. I don’t know that because I’ve been in love before. Just the opposite. I know because I’ve never felt this way about any woman. I noticed all the qualities I described the first time I met her. I’ve thought about her more than I should have, and I secretly wanted dipshit to return. Not because I wanted another confrontation. I only wanted it because I prayed she’d come with him. I prayed she’d come alone. My mind has been working overtime since numb nuts left, and she stayed.

She’s not the only one who makes split-second decisions. I make them way more often than I can count. I wouldn’t even want to try. Too depressing if I did. But I have to. It’s my life. It’s my brothers’ lives. My cousins’ lives. My men’s. If I can’t assess and decide in an instant, then we all wind up dead. It’s been like that since I was sixteen and went on my first mission. I wasn’t supposed to be there.

I was in the wrong place at the right time. My dad and uncles were headed out with their men for a rendezvous with Enrique, but we weren’t invited guests to his negotiations with a Brazilian cartel. I was impetuous and naïve. I jumped into one of the SUVs at the last minute. I didn’t realize it was the one my dad was in. Holeee shit. He exploded. He was switching between English and Irish so fast there were entire sentences I didn’t catch. Curses came out in a jumble. I thought he might have an aneurism. But it was too late. I was there, and I had to do my part. I did.

And my mom wouldn’t speak to either of us for a week. She couldn’t. My dad and I infuriated her too much. And she couldn’t get past her fear for me. Every time she saw me, she burst into tears. She knew what life held ahead for me. But she also knew what everyone else— including me —knew. I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t had enough training for that kind of situation. I’d been doing small time hustles. I’d been extorting people twice my age. But I’d never been in a gunfight. If my dad and uncles hadn’t been there to watch out for me— to pull me back into shelter —I would have died.

I learned a shite ton that day. Taking more than two seconds to decide means death. One second means getting shot at or stabbed. Having hours to consider Thea is a luxury. Even the minutes we’ve had talking today is a lifetime in my world. Even these thoughts are buzzing through my head at warp speed.

Thea’s looking at me with a mix of curiosity and fear. I told her the truth. I am a dangerous man. I live surrounded by it, and I’m violent when I have to be. Very violent. Ruthless. Conniving. Intolerant. These aren’t my natural inclinations. They’re what this world made me. I can wish I were someone else, but I don’t regret who I am. I have no remorse for the things I do to our enemies. But I’m sorry I’ll bring any of it around Thea. But I guess I’m also a selfish arse to want her with me, anyway.

When she opens her mouth to say something, I can’t begin to imagine what it will be. I don’t think it’ll be a refusal.

“Finn, I’ve sensed you’re dangerous from the moment I spotted you. You’re not arrogant or cocky. Those— those imply an attitude that can’t be backed up. Bravado. An over-inflated sense of importance. Misplaced ideas of grandeur. Those aren’t you. You radiate well-earned confidence in yourself. Strength, and not just physical. You command a situation with ease, and I’m positive that comes from experience. This is your bar, and I’m certain the police leave you alone most of the time. You could have pulverized Tony out back either time. You don’t strike me as someone who lives this life for shits and giggles. You strike me as a man who can be ruthless and cunning, but that’s because you have to. You strike me as a man who is usually even-tempered, thoughtful, insightful, and kind. And I’m not saying this about how you are with me. I saw the way you were with Mair. You could have lost your shit with your waitress, but you didn’t. You saw things in Tony I should have but didn’t. You could have repeated what he said, but you didn’t because you knew it would do more harm than good. You are an enigma. You are two men in one body.”

“You’re the insightful one. I am two men. I’m the one I have to be, and I don’t want him anywhere near you. I’m the one I choose to be. That’s the one I hope you want to be with. But you have to accept both, Thea. There’s no way around it.”

“Why? I mean, not the part about there being no way around it. I mean the accepting it part.”

I tighten my hold on her, and she relaxes even more. I’m looking down at her, but I can’t see most of her face. I can tell her eyes are closed. She’s responding the exact opposite of how she should. How most women would. It’s not chasing the thrill of being with a man like me. It’s like the more I tell her the truth, the safer she feels with me. The more she’s letting down her guard. She knows I’ll protect her, even if I haven’t said it.

“You know why, cailín. It’s why you haven’t run from here and straight to the police.”

She leans back so her head rests against my shoulder rather than my chest. Her mesmerizing eyes lock with mine. It’s slow, but she nods. She cups my cheek, and her thumb runs over my cheekbone. I might be a ginger, but I can grow a full beard. She brushes my five o’clock shadow.

“What does that mean?”

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