Page 36 of The Wayward Sons & the Seattle Sirens

Forever My Always.

That was something I could see myself giving Ryder.

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” I smiled slightly. “I’ll take it.”

CHAPTER 30

Itried to sleep. I really fucking did. Maybe I dozed in and out of it over the hours that I lay there in bed. Every part of me hurt and damn near begged for sleep, but my mind was a fucking hamster stuck on a wheel.

Gray and I may have had our disagreements, but when he stormed out, it meant he was trying to avoid a fight. Yet we never avoided fights. One way or another they always happened. And one of us always left after a blowout—days, weeks, or however long it took for us to get our shit situated. But I didn’t want him to leave. Not this time.

Hours passed and a part of me began to wonder if he bailed before we ever got to the fighting part. I couldn’t blame him if he did. I’d pulled one hell of a fucking stunt this time—one that could’ve had fatal consequences. I would’ve been equally pissed if the roles were reversed.

Somewhere around midnight, the motel door opened. I peeked out from under my arm. He was carefully composed on the surface, but I could feel the conflict of emotion underneath. That was my fault.

“You’re supposed to be sleepin’,” Gray said gruffly when I sat up.

“We need to talk—”

“You need to stop talkin’ and fuckin’ rest,” he interrupted. “You sound like shit.”

He wasn’t wrong. My throat was raw and hoarse after being choked out.

“I don’t care. You’re angry,” I told him. He made a frustrated sound but didn’t dismiss me. I took that as a sign to keep going. Since he wouldn’t move from his spot by the door, I stood. If he left, I planned to go after him. “You have every right to be angry—”

“You’re damn right I have every fuckin’ right to be,” he snapped over me. His anger flared. Every instinct in me wanted to run, but I swallowed it. “What the fuck were you thinkin’?”

“I—”

“Were you even fuckin’ thinking?” he demanded, continuing as if I hadn’t said a word. “Because I sure as fuck don’t think you were. There was no fuckin’ way you could do what you did and not trip that goddamn spell. I know that, you know that, and I know you know I fuckin’ know that!”

“I couldn’t sit around and do nothing,” I told him. Fuck, it was hard trying to be the calm one. Especially with his anger bleeding everywhere. “They had you. What the hell was I supposed to do? Let them kill you?”

“Yes!” Gray exclaimed. “No! I don’t fuckin’ know! Call in the fuckin’ cavalry. Call the fuckin’ kid from Chicago for help. Somethin’! Anythin’! Anythin’ that don’t mean you end up fuckin’ dead!”

“There wasn’t time!” I replied, my voice rising a notch and cracking as it did. “And I didn’t know! I didn’t know it was a whole fucking group of them led by a fucking sire-witch hybrid thing!”

“A fuckin’ what?”

“That’s not the fucking point. The point is I didn’t know until I was already inside trying to find you,” I said. “And then I didn’t have a fucking choice.”

“You walk the fuck out!” he practically shouted. “I don’t want you dyin’ for me! Or ever! You ain’t allowed to fuckin’ leave me!”

I deflated. I didn’t know how to keep fighting him on this.

“I’m sorry.” Sighing, I scrubbed a hand over my face. “But what the hell was I supposed to do, Gray? You don’t want me to die, but I sure as fuck don’t want you to either. This is what we do! Dying is the fucking risk we take! I can’t change that. So, what are we supposed to do?”

“You don’t take the risk!”

“We take the risk! That’s our job—”

“No, you don’t take the risk,” Gray corrected.

“I don’t?” I balked. “What the fuck does that mean? Just because you’re the fucking powerhouse doesn’t mean I’m fucking useless! I’m not going to stand by and let shit happen because there are risks involved.”

“Sometimes you have to,” he replied.

“No, I don’t,” I said. “I don’t know how. And if that’s what you want, I can’t give you that. If it is, maybe this… maybe this has run its course. Maybe I need to leave.”

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