Page 106 of Fame and Obsession

Twenty-Nine

Julian

“What the hell am I supposed to do with beer and ketchup?” I slam the refrigerator door and curse. “Does anyone buy shit around here but me?”

I want to make a sandwich. Fucking cheese, meat, and bread, and those idiots can’t even keep basic food in the house without me.

Fuck my life.

“Cool your heels. You’ve carted Ernesta Hemingway around in the car for weeks. We didn’t have wheels,” Ty yawns, stumbling into the kitchen with his arms stretched above his head.

“Buy your own,” I snap, swiping a bag of chips from the pantry. “These are mine now. Fuck whoever bought them.” Grabbing a handful, I shove them all in my mouth at one time.

“Dude, who pissed in your cereal bowl?” He moves in front of me, pulling a carton of orange juice out of the refrigerator. Shaking his head, he turns it up and drinks right from the spout.

“Man, that’s fucking nasty. Use a glass like a normal person.”

Licking his lips, Ty narrows his gaze and sighs. “The carton is almost empty, Jag. I’m not going to kick your ass because obviously, something is bugging you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have been acting like such an asshole for weeks.” He tosses the carton in the garbage and crosses his arms. “Spill it, before I change my mind and bust your nose.”

The words feel like a serrated knife plunging right in the middle of my chest. “Phoebe’s dating someone else.”

“What’d you expect, man?” He drags a hand through his long hair. “You dumped her. Did you expect her to join a convent?”

I throw the chip bag across the counter. “I know, all right? You don’t understand, Ty. She fucked me over in a way I can’t forgive.” I pull the Vinyl article out of my jacket and show him, then wait for his shocked reaction. When he just shrugs, I get pissed. “That’s it?”

“Jag, we’re a band. You think we haven’t all read the article?”

“She sold me and Lam out.”

“No, she didn’t,” he says calmly.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“You have to get over this obsession with Lam’s accident, man. The world won’t condemn you if they find out you were too drunk to pick up your brother. Billy made a choice to get behind that wheel. Why do you think it’s your fault?”

“Because it is!” I yell, ready to lose my shit.

Spinning around, Ty flings his arms out wide. “Fucking hell, Jag! What’s with you? We’ve told you, over and over, it wasn’t your fault. It could’ve been any of us behind that wheel. The point is, man, none of us were driving the car that hit him.”

“But it was my responsibility to pick up my brother,” I whisper. The familiar pain closes in, crushing me with its ugly truth. “Ryker was my responsibility. Lam would still be alive if I’d been a man instead of a selfish shit.”

Gritting my teeth, I fist a handful of my T-shirt. My fucking chest hurts, and the one thing that can make it stop, I’ve thrown away.

“Okay, fine. You win, yes, you were a selfish shit and partied when you should’ve been an adult. But, dude—you pushed the keys away. You didn’t hand them over to Lam.” He emphasizes the last phrase as he rounds the kitchen island. “Did you know Z took the keys first?”

“No.” Now I feel nauseous. It could’ve been Zane?

“Lam said he needed to pick up something for his mom anyway, so he took the keys from Z. Billy Lamee was an adult, Jag. When I said we all made a choice that night, I meant it. You made a choice not to drive drunk. The guy who hit Billy didn’t. You’re the only one who sees where guilt fits into the equation, man.” His voice lowers. “We’ve tried to tell you this for months. You just refused to listen.”

Something needs to absorb the vortex of emotion building inside me, so I turn and put my fist through the drywall. “Fuck! What am I supposed to do with this, Ty?” Shaking my hand, I slump against the wall. “I feel broken.”

He lets out a humorless chuckle. “You’re not Humpty Dumpty, dude. You may be cracked, but you’re not broken. You’ll find a way to put yourself back together again.”

Out of nowhere, Phoebe’s words come back to me. Painful words spoken on the terrace of the Jameson Hotel the night I first touched her.

“I can’t fall off the wall and put myself back together again, Julian.”

In that moment, I need her more than ever.

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