When I finish my confessional, I pause mid-pace and wait for a response.
“How… How do you feel?” he stammers. “I mean, are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” I assure him with a faint smile. “I won’t lie and say it hasn’t taken me a while to get here. I fell apart when they told me in the hospital. I never had any intention of becoming a mother at twenty-two.”
Julian swallowed hard. “Phoebe, is it…?”
Ice rushes through my veins. The fact he’d ask such a question infuriates me.
“I shouldn’t dignify that with a response, but I’ll humor you.” I walk away, my arms folding protectively over my belly. “There hasn’t been anyone else since the day I met you.” I glance over my shoulder. “It’s only ever been you, Julian.”
He presses his palms to his face. “You didn’t let me finish. I meant, is it okay? Is the baby all right?”
“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m nine weeks.”
The breath whooshes out of his chest. “A baby.”
“Your baby.”
“My baby.”
“Our baby.” I pause to let him absorb the bomb I just dropped.
Still unsure of myself and craving his touch, I close the distance between us. Leaning down, I place my hand over his. The lines on his face soften, and his head slumps.
“Fuck, this is all my fault. If I hadn’t pushed you away that night, she wouldn’t have gotten to you.” He punches my pillow so hard, I expect to see cotton flying everywhere. “I could’ve stopped all this.”
“Julian, who is she? What the hell are you talking about?”
“My stalker,” he says, enraged. “The text I got was a threat against you. That noise was a gunshot meant for you. The bitch defiled my car with a warning for you. I didn’t say anything because I thought I was protecting you.”
“You can’t take the blame for this.”
But he doesn’t stop.
“All that shit with Vinyl happened, and I wanted to call you, I swear, I did,” he says, pulling me onto the bed and placing a hand on either side of my face. “But I was too stubborn. Then Vivian acted all psycho, and I swore it was her.”
“Vivian’s your stalker? Wait, did you say she’s dead?” The impact of his words finally hits me. “Julian, what’s going on?”
“I thought so. She’s been making cryptic threats toward you, so I took her to the MetroGroup party so I could watch her. I knew she couldn’t hurt you if she was with me.”
“But it wasn’t her.”
“No, and now…” His voice trails off as he squeezes my face. “I’ve been fucking miserable without you, Phoebe. Ty convinced me to tell you. But I didn’t want to tell you things were going to change. I wanted to show you.”
“Then let’s go.” Sobered and terrified, I start to move when he grabs my wrist. “Julian, come on… I’m sure I’m going to be questioned soon, and if this bitch killed Vivian, we both know who’s next. Let’s stop her once and for all. I’m not sitting around waiting for her to make the next move.”
“We will, but… Fuck, Phoebe, I just need a minute to..” He exhales a heavy breath. “I just need to touch you. After everything that’s happened, I need to feel for myself that you’re okay.”
My heart stutters.
Leaning back against the headboard, he closes his eyes. “Vivian may have had some not-so-great qualities, but I can’t stop thinking about her dying alone like that. She didn’t deserve it. No matter what she did.”
My breath catches. He looks so broken—so lost—and I don’t know how to fix him. I have no idea where I’d even begin…
So instead, I crawl up his chest and lay my head against his heart. As I listened to its soothing cadence, he tells me how a detective came to his house earlier, informing him that Vivian was found murdered in my neighborhood.
The revelation carves a brand new set of gashes across my stomach.