Page 132 of Impossible Love

She nods. “And I’m going to get sooo fat,” she says, giggling.

“C’mere.” I pull her back into bed and roll with her until she’s stretched out on top of me. I pull her close and breathe her in. “I’m so happy, Amy. You make me so happy. This is incredible news.”

“I can’t wait to meet our son,” she whispers in my ear. “Because we both know it’s going to be another MacLaine boy.”

“Dad!”

My head swims.

“Dad-deee! I need help with my basket. Is this how I’m supposed to hold it?”

I snap out of my daydream. Or was it a dream? Did I fall asleep?

I sit up on the patio chair on our back deck. That was too real, too detailed. It was like I was transported back in time. Amy was alive. She was pregnant. Our future was bright and perfect.

I felt her warmth. I heard her giggle. I could smell her.

I rub my face with my hands. That was torture.

“Is this the way I’m supposed to hold the flower basket for Cal and Victoria’s wedding tomorrow?” Jasmine stands over me, peering down into my face with concern. I don’t want her to see the pain I just brought back with me.

I smile and pat her back. The touch seems to reassure her that her dad hasn’t lost his marbles. And it sets my mind at ease that I’ve returned to reality. That my eight-year-old daughter is real. That she’s right here with me.

Even if her mother isn’t.

Chapter 2

Finn

The sun is beginning to set, just as planned. The vows are timed to occur just when sunset is at its peak, spilling its colors on the surface of the lake behind Cal and Victoria’s place. I’m standing on the dock with Jasmine, waiting for our cue. I’m Cal’s best man. Summer—our favorite ranch hand—is Victoria’s maid of honor. Our family’s reverend is the officiant.

Jasmine is the flower girl. It’s a job she takes very seriously, and one she’s approached with a great deal of enthusiasm. It’s the way she does everything. I glance down at her. She looks so much like Amy today, with that sparkling smile, her pretty face, and the way her hair is swept back and held in place with flowers.

Amy should be here for this moment in Jasmine’s life.

Amy should be alive.

I pull myself together. This is Cal and Victoria’s special day, a joyous occasion. The last thing anyone needs is a grieving, guilt-ridden, sorry-assed widower ruining the vibe.

“You look very beautiful today, Jasmine.”

She looks up at me and rolls her eyes. “Yes, I know, Dad. But thank you.”

Victoria calls this stage of Jasmine’s life her “pre-tween years.” All I know is that I can’t tell what end’s up with my kid these days, what will annoy her, what will make her feel as if I’m babying her, or what will indicate that I haven’t been paying attention to the changes she’s going through.

It’s worse than hell week of SEALs training. I think I’ll ask the good reverend for an extra prayer on my behalf.

We’re waiting for the service to start, and I have to admit, they sure picked a perfect day. It’s a warm seventy-five degrees but with no humidity. A flawless blue gemstone of a sky shelters us from above. The lake is a crystal sheen, disturbed only when the ducks and geese take off or land.

I’ve spent much of the day trying to get the groom to cool his jets. It’s been a thankless task, and an impossible one because my oldest brother refuses to admit he’s feeling nervous.

There’s nothing to be nervous about, he said. Victoria is the love of his life. He never thought he could be this happy. He’s the luckiest man on Earth.

He said all this while his hands shook so badly I had to tie his tie for him. We almost came to blows when I tried to help him with his cufflinks. But it worked out. His Armani suit matches the one I’m wearing today and is also similar to what Evander, Declan, and Special K are wearing. Cal’s tie is a cream satin to match Victoria’s dress, while the rest of ours are black. Except for Evander, who chose a dusky blue tie that he says accents his eyes.

I haven’t seen Victoria’s dress, but Jasmine tells me it looks a lot like her own flower girl dress, except without sleeves or a pink bow tied in the back. My little girl is so proud of that dress that I took several photos of her before we walked to the lake. Then I took a few selfies of the two of us.

A girl and her dad.

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