Page 49 of Impossible Love

I’m going over.

I hear the sound of Cal’s horse pounding the ground and gaining on me. I say a silent prayer that he reaches me before I hit the ground. If not, it’ll be his horse that kills me.

I shut my eyes tight, resigned to what’s about to happen, when I feel two strong hands grab me under the arms and lift me up. I’m thrown belly down across his lap, one arm holding me in place as he brings his horse to a stop.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Cal dismounts and drags me off his horse, then pulls me into his arms. My feet are off the ground. He’s got me clutched tight to his body. His heart slams in his chest, and I hear myself whimper against his shirt. My mouth opens wide, and I freeze like that. I can’t breathe. I can’t get any air in my lungs.

“You’re in shock.” Cal sets me on my feet. He drops to the ground, pulling me onto his lap. He rubs my back. “Breathe, Victoria. Come on. Take a breath.”

I can’t respond.

“It’ll pass. But you have to breathe.”

My eyes are bulging. My face feels lava hot. My lungs burn.

“Breathe,” he whispers in my ear.

I do it—I take a huge gulp of air and breathe it out. My entire body starts to shake.

“You’re going to be all right.” His arms hold me. He pulls me even closer. I bring my arms around his neck and bury my face into the crook of his shoulder. He shelters me in his arms.

His strength and his warmth are the only things keeping me from shattering. He rocks softly, rubs my back, and reassures me. I soon become alert enough to hear heavy breathing, snorting, and munching. I look up, squinting into the sun to see a white horse tail flicking near our heads. It’s her. Trixie, the demon horse. Having a snack.

On our other side is Leroy, who looks like the coolest kid in school, just chewing and enjoying the breeze ruffling his mane.

That’s it. I hate horses.

I go back to hiding my face in Cal’s neck. I grip him tightly, never wanting to let go. Eventually, my body believes that the danger has passed. My breathing returns to normal.

Cal senses my improvement and loosens his embrace. His hand still caresses my back with long, languid movements.

“That’s all my fault,” he says. His velvety, deep voice is barely audible, and I wonder if he’s speaking to me or to himself. “I apologize, Victoria. I let my desires get the better of me and I didn’t protect you. My actions are unforgivable.”

I don’t understand what he means by his desires. His desire to take me out on a ride? His desire to spend time with me? Something else?

“No, Cal.” I straighten, placing my hand on the side of his face. His expression is heartbreaking to see—guilt, remorse, and fear. And I did that to him. I stroke his cheek. “It’s my fault for not telling you I couldn’t ride. It was stupid. I was stupid. I take responsibility for not protecting myself. You are not at fault.”

“Victoria, when you’re with me, your safety is my responsibility. More than just your safety. I need… I want…”

His voice drifts off. I don’t dare push him to tell me what he wants. I understand that we’ve just shared a moment of intimacy, and worse, of weakness, something that neither of us is comfortable with in our day-to-day lives.

He doesn’t want to be honest about what he wants, and I don’t either. Because what we want is impossible.

At least we’re in agreement about that.

“I should’ve learned to ride when I was a kid, when I had the chance. I let fear get in the way.”

“Some fear is essential. If we don’t listen to that little voice—our intuition or sixth sense or whatever you want to call it—we’re doomed.”

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” I say.

He cocks his head to the side and gives me the boyish half-smile that melts my heart. “I guess Willie the Shake was more articulate than me. Go figure.”

“Shakespeare or not, I doubt you’re afraid of much, Callum MacLaine.”

“I’m afraid of too much.” His voice is so soft I can barely hear it. He pulls me tight again, presses his cheek to mine. “Can you feel my heartbeat? If you can, then you know about my fear—that I almost lost you.”

Chapter 26

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