Page 97 of Kneeling to Candy

“Not bad,” I admit. “There have been a few incidents where I had to check myself before answering. But overall, I think I’m handling the training like a champ.”

Prior to my counseling appointment, Atlas and Gauge agreed it was best to debrief Brandon on exactly what the investigation was about, for him to have a better idea of what I’m going to face and how to better assist me in my sessions.

Typically, club business remains in the club. However, Brandon is sort of an honorary member as the MC’s psychologist. After working with many in the crew, it’s not like he’s not accustomed to the security business and cases we take on.

“That’s great, Candy. It’s normal for topics to trigger an old memory or an emotion when it’s presented out of nowhere or even planned. The roleplay seems to help you prepare for any potential scenarios that may arise during the undercover operation.”

“I think so, too.” Comfortable for once with our discussion, I sit back in my chair. “It’s not like I have a lot of speaking roles to fill. Piero is handling most of the discussions. I’m there to give them insight based on my experience.”

Brandon cocks his head at me, crossing one leg over the other. “You seem to downplay your involvement in this case.”

“Not downplaying,” I disagree in an indifferent voice. “I’m there to look pretty and ease Duffy’s concerns working with a new partner. Piero is doing the heavy lifting.”

“You know your role is more valuable than being an appealing face, right? Your job may look small to others you encounter at the auction. But the team is relying on you for anything you see, hear, or remember as being valuable to completing a successful investigation. I want you to understand the gravity of your part in case you’re not aware. You’re a key player in this—not a side piece for show.”

“I understand what I’ve brought to the team is helpful,” I say before giving a little shrug. “I wish I could help more.”

My therapist raises one of his dark eyebrows, giving me a pointed look. “I’m not sure what more you could do than what you’re already providing.”

“Me neither,” I admit, with a small chuckle. “It’s just how I feel.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“How to explain it?” I tap my finger against my mouth, considering. “I guess I feel like I’m still a secondary character when my role isn’t as interactive as the rest of the team.”

“Explain?”

“Piero is going to do all the talking. His bodyguards are going to be protecting him. Butch, Tank, and Ziggy are going to be monitoring the others in the room, looking for weak links and connections to other trafficking operations, and covering my butt if I get in trouble. The rest of the team is going to be busy, setting up roadblocks and disabling vehicles and restraining drivers—making it impossible for anyone to get away. And then there’s me, standing there saying nothing, with my arm laced through Piero’s. It’s hard to see myself as anything but a side player in all of this.”

Brandon sighs, setting down his pen and paper in his lap.

“You’re setting down your tools again. It’s never good when you do that, Mister Therapist. It means I’m in for a lecturing.”

“A lecturing is what you need,” Brandon says in a more serious tone. “You still aren’t grasping your role is as important as all the rest.”

I’m silent because I don’t disagree with his assessment.

“Candy,” Brandon says my name in a pleading tone. “Promise me you won’t go out of your way to prove your worth to the rest of the team during the auction? They value you. They appreciate your insight. You have nothing to prove to them.”

“Maybe I need to prove it to myself,” I say in a small voice, dropping my eyes to the ground.

“Proving yourself worthy of being part of a team and family for your own benefit is fine, but not something to do while on the case,” Brandon says more firmly.

My head snaps up as I prepare to argue with Brandon, only to find him staring me down with all the authority in the world. I do a double-take, caught off guard by his intensity.

“You need to accept that you’re valued and appreciated, and it doesn’t require you putting yourself or your mental well-being in harm’s way.

He leans forward, demanding my attention. “Promise me you won’t give more of yourself than is necessary for this investigation.”

The guy is clearly worried I’m going to go Rambo on the case. His primary concern is my mental health, and he’s dissecting everything I say with surgical precision.

My goal is to follow through with this case. I have no intention of sabotaging the investigation to prove my worth. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I had more to give to the mission.

To keep Brandon from going to Atlas with his concerns, and getting me yanked from the case for good, I say the one thing I can to set his mind at ease.

With my fingers crossed in my lap, I lie. “I promise.”

My act is convincing enough for Brandon to drop the subject. Little does he or anyone know, I will give all of myself to this mission to help those women escape the hell they’re currently in. It’s what anyone on the crew would do while serving on a mission.

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