Page 76 of Moros

My ego wouldn’t let me.

As Todd to my hand to lead me to the passenger side of his car, I looked up at the house to see if Khadri was watching. For some reason, I wanted him to see me doing this—to see me being a woman with someone other than him.

I knew the thought was wrong, but I wanted him to be jealous of Todd, to snap out of trying to spare me and made me behave.

But even as I turned in my seat and the car drew farther and farther away, Khadri never once looked out.

He never once became jealous.

The party was loud and not my thing.

Maybe if I had been there with the Khadri I would feel differently.

While Todd offered to buy me a drink, I declined and purchased my own. Though I hit the dance floor with him, his closeness made me uncomfortable.

His touch didn’t feel like real or like Khadri’s.

His hands on my hips irritated me.

His want to grind against my ass pissed me off.

The crowd made me uneasy as I wasn’t used to this kind of gathering.

I’d spent years I should be doing all this kind of rebelling passed me by as I tried making money to keep myself from being homeless or starving to death.

But I couldn’t stop thinking of Khadri and the strange immaturity that rushed through me, that pushed me into coming out with this man.

One thing I learned from all of this was I didn’t want some other man holding me.

I didn’t want some other man touching me in that way only lovers did, and I hated Todd trying to push up against me.

Strange, the first time Khadri approached me from behind all I felt was excitement. And when he’d wrapped his arms around me, I knew I was safe.

Excusing myself, I found the bathroom that wasn’t much of a one. It was a room attached to the party venue made of zinc nailed together.

I kept watching the slits, looking for someone who might be peeking in on me.

In the end, I decided not to pee—instead I washed my hands and wandered outside to exhale.

I was cut off from the world and it wasn’t until then that I noticed it.

My cell phone wouldn’t have worked here.

And I’d given Khadri back his.

Sitting on the sidewalk, I rubbed my eyes.

Somehow, I survived the night out and I couldn’t get out of Todd’s car fast enough. I didn’t stop to wish him goodnight—instead I motored it into the house to find Morgana in the living room, watching one of her taped soap operas.

“Did he stay?” I wanted to know.

“Did who stay?” She shoved a piece of potato pudding into her mouth but didn’t tear her eyes away from Victor Newman.

“Khadri.”

I was frustrated.

“No.”

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