Page 117 of Felix

Shit.

My lip wobbles, and I nod a little weakly, my fingernail adding a new scratch into the wood.

“We shouldn’t have assumed,” Mom says. “Hon, would you please look at me?”

I do, raising my head slowly. I’m unsuccessful in stopping the tear that slips down my cheek, and my mother’s face falls. She scoots closer, squeezing my arm.

“Emil, I’m so proud of the man you are. And if I haven’t said it enough, that’s on me. I think, as parents, it’s hard to know where the line is. Julian and Eloise…they hated when I hovered, and I learned to back off. All I’ve wanted for my children is for them to be happy. To be able to spread their wings and follow their own dreams. But it seems I’ve made mistakes, and for that, I am sorry. I love you, and I’m proud of you, and nothing could ever change that.”

I nod tightly, not knowing what to say.

“Oh, hon,” my mom says, standing. She steps forward, wrapping me in her arms, and I hug her back, my cheek on her stomach and my eyes stinging. The next moment, my dad is there, too, his hand on my shoulder, his other smoothing over my hair.

“Emil,” my dad says, voice uncharacteristically gruff. “We’re not perfect, but we love you unconditionally, and it’s been a true honor to see the man you’ve grown into. One who’s inquisitive and kind. One who possesses a great deal of strength to come to us like this. I’m sorry we’ve ever made you doubt how much we care. If you give us the chance, we’ll do better. I swear it.”

I nod again, not sure I can manage anything more than that, and for long minutes, that’s how we stay. My parents, holding me in the kitchen, carefully bandaging old wounds I thought long since scabbed over.

When I lean back, they let me go. I swipe at my eyes as my mom retakes her seat next to me.

“Would you help me with dinner before Julian and Eloise arrive?” she asks. “We can catch up, and you can tell me about how your research project is going.”

“Yeah,” I croak out. “I’d like that.”

“Christian, too,” she says softly. “I’d love to know more about that man of yours and how you two met.”

I nearly choke on my spit, but it turns into a short laugh instead. “Yeah. Sounds great.”

When I finally leave the kitchen, my eyes are puffy but my chest feels light. Lighter than it’s been in some time. I stop at the edge of the living room, spotting Christian sitting on the couch next to Henry. Rebecca is across from them in a chair, her legs folded up as she gestures animatedly.

I catch Christian’s eye. He shifts in his seat like he’s about to stand, but I shake my head and point toward the stairs. He nods, and I head that way, needing a moment to breathe.

After washing my face in the upstairs bathroom, I meander down the hall, stopping outside my old room. It’s a guest room now, the decor more sophisticated than it was during my teenage years. I step inside, sitting on the bench seat in the window that overlooks the backyard.

“Hey,” Christian says softly, appearing in the doorway.

“Hi.”

He meets me at the window, taking a seat beside me. “All right?”

“Yeah,” I say, even though I feel wrung out, numb almost. “It was… It was actually really good. They were really great about it. I wish… I wish I’d said something sooner, you know?”

He squeezes my knee, letting his hand rest there. “You said something now. That’s what’s important.”

“Yeah. Fuck, my therapist would be so proud,” I say, huffing a laugh and removing my glasses so I can rub my eyes.

“I’m proud of you, too, Specs. Is that weird to say? I never had siblings or a boyfriend to be proud of before. But it’s like… Sometimes I look at you, and I get this pressure in my chest and this feeling of that one’s mine, just look at him. Is that weird?”

“No,” I rasp, replacing my glasses. “I feel that way about you, too. You’re beautiful, Christian. Inside and out.”

His expression softens, dark brown eyes so very warm. “I guess love is turning us into saps, huh? Who knew?”

I huff a laugh. “Literally everyone. Everyone knows that.”

Christian snorts. “Well, I like being a sap for you.”

“Jesus, that was terrible,” I grumble, lips twitching. “So cheesy. I’m not sure I can be seen with you anymore.”

He makes a sound of protest before grabbing me around the middle and tugging me onto his lap. I scramble, arms wrapping around his shoulders as Christian buries his face in my neck and nips my skin.

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