Page 30 of How Much For a Life of Lies?

“Hazard… job.” I tried to joke, and groaned in pain.

“Take it easy. You’re safe here.”

He picked up the envelope containing my meds and pulled out a note, frowning as he read it, then helped me to take the pills I needed. Somewhere in this place, in the house with the soft bed and my twin, was my son.

“Charlie.”

“I have him; he’s okay,” he told me again.

“No… see him…”

“I’ll get him.” He left, and after a short pause, he was back, a sleepy Charlie in his arms. I reached out to touch one of my son’s tiny hands, tears in my eyes. I hadn’t seen him since the day I’d left him in Jax’s care, and the pain of loss gnawed at me.

I wanted to know everything—how he was growing, what he liked to do, if he was happy—but the words stuck in my throat, caught up in a mess of emotions I couldn’t untangle. How could I thank Jax for taking him in and giving him a home and a family when I couldn’t? How could I ask him if Charlie was happy without my heart shattering into a million pieces?

The weight of it all pressed down on me, a heavy burden I carried daily. I wanted to reach out, to ask about Charlie, to hear his voice and know he was safe, but fear held me back. What if he didn’t know me?

“Tell me.”

“About Charlie?” Jax smiled, completely in love with his nephew—his son now. “He’s putting on weight. He’s always so happy, although we’ve had a few sleepless nights. He loves mashed-up zucchini now and, of course, bananas, and he’s funny and sweet. Last week, he did this thing where he was clapping his hands at Arlo, and Arlo leaned too far forward, and Charlie caught Arlo’s nose. "I guess I should explain that Arlo is my boyfriend.”

I tried to smile, a warmth flooding me that was half medication and all love for my brother. “Tell me about him?”

Jax didn’t even take a breath. “Uhm, Arlo is a big guy. You’ll love him, a good brother, and he loves Charlie, and more importantly, for some weird reason, he loves me. He walks with Charlie around the yard, and they talk nonsense about flowers and…”

I remember nothing else; the meds dragging me under to the sound of my twin’s voice.

I barely registered Jax and his boyfriend checking in on me, sometimes I would half wake and see one of them there. Arlo was a good-looking man, and when I saw them together, Charlie in Jax’s arms, they were beautiful as a family. There was a lot of whispering, but nothing I could make out and there were snacks left next to the bed, which I ate as best I could, along with water and orange juice. When I next woke it was dark, and I tried to focus on my watch, three a.m. I needed to leave.

I tried sitting up. I couldn’t, so I dozed on and off, and let my body try to heal.

When dawn lightened the room, I felt strong enough to shuffle myself upright. I held out a hand when I saw Jax checking on me with Charlie in his arms.

“Hey, you,” I cooed to Charlie and held him with my good arm. Now what? I owed Jax some of the story. “I didn’t even know his mom was pregnant,” I said, breathing in Charlie’s scent as I kissed his red hair, which was so like mine and Jax’s. I pulled myself back to the lie I’d told, needed to embellish it without telling Jax it was my fault she was dead, something I never wanted Charlie to find out when he was older. “I found out when they called me to the hospital.” My voice cracked at the weight of the lie, but I forged ahead. “She never even got to meet him.”

He tensed. “She passed away?”

“An hour after he was born. She’d been…” Jesus, I was crying again at seeing Kerry so still, at holding Charlie in the hospital, when everything had gone so horribly wrong. They’d rushed DNA tests, but I didn’t need them, I knew he was mine. But how did I explain that to Jax? “I thought I could protect them both. I gave it all up to be a dad, and it followed me.”

He sat at the end of the bed and had this serious but puzzled expression. “What followed you, Zach?” God, that was a leading question.

“My job.”

“You’re one of the good guys, right?” he asked and I could see that was a really important question. Did he think I could be a bad guy? Did he think I was here to take Charlie? I could never do that to my precious son.

I took one long inhale of Charlie’s baby scent and measured my words with caution. Was I one of the good guys? Could a blunt instrument, wielding death and destruction to rid society of those deemed bad, be seen as good? I groaned at myself going in circles; Team philosophical-on-meds for the win. “Depends on who’s in power at the time, but yes, I promise you, I’m one of the good guys.”

“Kai as well?”

“And Kai.”

“What’s next?”

I snuggled Charlie, who batted at me and tugged at my hair. “It’s not done yet. But the person who ki—hurt Charlie’s mom? Gone.” An expression passed over his mirror features, surprise maybe, or shock, or maybe he was happy I’d taken out the one who’d hurt Kerry? There was no way I was dissecting this. “I have to go back.”

Jax stiffened, his expression concerned. “You’re not well enough to go anywhere.”

“Will you care for Charlie for me?”

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