Page 178 of The Darkest Chase

Burn it all away, but it can’t.

All it does is make me feel like I really could become the monster my father was, hiding from my failures in booze.

Snarling, I slam the empty glass on the counter, practically breathing fire.

A furious roar rips out of me before my arm jerks.

I hurl the glass at the fireplace.

It hits the stonework and shatters with a loud ringing.

Rolf, who was sleeping on the leather recliner, snaps up with a confused bark.

I slump forward, breathing hard, leaning my entire weight on the bar—then I drag myself over and wedge myself into the chair with the German Shepherd.

He lays his head on my chest, draping his body over me like he’s trying to protect me from invisible bullets. I lay an arm over his warm, furry body and bury my face between his ears.

“Sorry. I know I fucked up, boy,” I whisper. “That happy-go-lucky woman, she even made you love her. And I just went and shit the bed so bad she’ll never trust me again.”

Hindsight is twenty-fucking-twenty.

If I’d just told her from the start that I was DEA, here undercover, what’s the worst that could’ve happened?

Maybe we could have come at this differently then.

Maybe I could’ve thought about taking her back to New York with me one day.

Too bad I’ve been so focused on finally getting my way that I only thought about myself.

I’ve wondered so long who I’ll be when this is over, after I have my revenge.

A hollow shell?

Shit, if I walk away empty, it’s because I made myself that way.

Sighing, I close my eyes, holding Rolf tight.

At least I can’t ruin his love.

A dog’s love is unconditional.

Unfortunately, I don’t even know if I can protect Talia from the DEA snapping up every penny Xavier gave her.

They’ll want to talk to her, and if they interrogate her enough, she’ll slip.

She’ll slip, and then they’ll know she knew what he was and what I was doing when she took his money, and that will make it forfeit.

I can protect her from prosecution, yes, even if I have to pull a few strings, but it doesn’t change the loss.

Her future, obliterated.

I can’t let that happen.

Maybe I can’t convince her to love me again.

But I can do right by her so she won’t just be collateral damage as I take down Xavier Arrendell and the Jacobins.

There’s a large reward for taking down large drug networks like this one. Even bigger if key information leads to the arrest of a high-profile kingpin. I can’t think of a more high-profile figure than Xavier and his merry band of assholes.

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