Page 75 of A Little More Hope

“You really think so? Because I don’t. Yes, we’ll need to work at turning our current arrangement into a proper relationship, but I want to try, and I think you do too.”

I wanted to believe him. I really did, but faced with the possibility of us becoming a reality, I remained nervous and unsure. What if we didn’t work out? It’s hard enough getting a new relationship off the ground when you’re both in the same town. What were the chances of us doing that if far too many miles separated us for days, maybe weeks at a time?

“I’ve never wanted to be with someone as much as I want to be with you, Ash. I’m not saying it will all be plain sailing, as I’m sure with my ongoing issues, it won’t. And there’ll be times when my work will keep us apart, but we can cross those bridges when we come to them and decide on a solution that works for both of us.”

It’s as if he had direct access to every one of the thoughts spinning wildly in my head. “You seem to have everything all figured out.”

He laughed. “I’ve no clue what on earth I’m doing, but I’m willing to take a chance. What I need to know is if you are willing to take a chance with me.”

Was I? This was crazy, wasn’t it? I studied his face, trying to discern as much as I could from his open expression. There was a hint of fear in his eyes that I was sure mirrored my own. There was also love, nervous and shy, but clearly displayed just for me. Finally, I saw hope shining clearly too. Hope I would agree to us being together. Hope for where a future for us both might lead.

I agreed with Mason, it would be a whole lot of work. I’d be extremely naïve not to, especially with the trauma Mason still suffered and would continue to suffer with for a long time to come. It would affect both of us because how could it not? Then there were my abandonment issues. For far too long I’ve ignored them, brushed them aside rather than facing them head-on. In the back of my mind, would I always be worried Mason would eventually get bored with me and leave, the way my previous boyfriends had? Would my own damaged mind be what would push him away, fed up with having to battle my insecurities?

“I carry a lot of baggage,” I replied hesitantly, needing him to be absolutely clear about what he was getting into.

“Don’t we all?”

Yeah. Yeah, I supposed we did.

I took a couple of moments, needing time to absorb all we’d discussed. The more I let our words settle, the more hope I had that, if we really tried, were truly honest with each other, we could work together to make a strong and loving partnership. We were taking a huge leap of faith, but there was no one I’d be more willing to take a chance on than Mason. “Okay,” I said, my voice shaky and uneven. “Let’s do this and see where we go.” My heart began to beat so hard in my chest, I expected it might explode with happiness any second. Now the decision had been made, I wanted us to work on the reconciliation as soon as possible. Nervously standing, I extended my arm, my hand trembling slightly. “Come on.” I waited until Mason was standing beside me. “Let’s go home.”

He took hold of my hand, and with our fingers loosely entwined, we headed for the boardwalk toward town. “So,” I said drawing the word out, as I recalled a part of our conversation in the bar. I turned my head to look at him. “You love me, huh?”

He gave a wry smile. “Oh, you remember hearing that part then, do you?”

Squeezing his hand, I laid my head on his shoulder. “I’ll always hear you.”

His strong arm slid up to my shoulders and hugged me to his side. “Guess I’ll have to watch what I say around you in the future.”

My nudge to the ribs made him laugh.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Mason

We couldn’t get back to Gabe’s place fast enough for my liking. I had a desperate need to get Ash out of his clothes and show him exactly how much he meant to me. To prove our new relationship would be the start of something special and last the rest of our lives.

As we made our way through the center of town, people passing on either side of us along the sidewalk, I had to pinch myself to believe how much calmer I’d become. It still amazed me I’d managed to get up enough nerve to walk inside the bar in the first place. I’d pretty much had Gabe on speakerphone the whole drive back to Melrsoe Bay, going over my plan again and again. His constant reassurances I’d be okay, and of course, that my plan would work, and the fact that he’d always be there if I needed him helped bolster my waning confidence until I’d stood outside the place, trying to dredge up the last of my courage to walk over to the entrance. It had taken every ounce of determination I had to take hold of the door and pull it open. The deafening noise crashing over me from the music and all the people inside almost caused me to turn tail and run, but I purposely tuned them out, instead focusing on the sole reason why I was there.

I needed to prove my worthiness, my determination to overcome my issues, for my own peace of mind, yes, but primarily for Ash.

Walking into the bar wasn’t only about overcoming my fear of people and the unpredictability of their nature. I also wanted to prove to Ash I’d always be there for him. To make him see I’d do anything, absolutely anything for him, even conquer my worst fear and show him loud and clear what he meant to me.

“You okay?” he asked as we made the final turn down the lane to his house. “You’re awfully quiet.”

“I’m thinking.”

“About?”

“How the hell I managed to walk inside the Bayside Bar and Grill.”

He stopped us in the street and turned me to face him, his gaze earnest. “I’ll never forget the courage and determination it took for you to come into the bar, Mason. Never.”

“I know you won’t,” I said, grateful he understood the sheer amount of effort taken had been immense. He got me in a way no one else ever had, friends included. “Though I hope you have a long memory since it’s highly unlikely to be happening again anytime in the near future.”

His carefree laughter penetrated the last of my walls, allowing the love I had for him to break free. He completed me, simple as that. I’m sure a lot of my old friends from when Lindsay and I were engaged wouldn’t be happy. In truth, they’d probably be disgusted I was in a relationship with a man after being with her for so long. Ultimately, I couldn’t bring myself to care. This was about our happiness, mine and Ash’s, and if people didn’t like us being together? Well, they could go take a hike.

My only concern was if my family rejected me because of my choice. I hoped they didn’t, but being accepting of my business partners and friends and not minding in the least if they’re gay is a whole different ball game to having one’s own son admit he’s also attracted to a man and about to embark on a relationship with one. Time would tell, so I’d have to wait and see how the scenario played out when I introduced them all to Ash.

---