Page 23 of On Thin Ice

I lift my face from her shoulder, a wet patch left on her t-shirt from my tears. “This guy…he’s literally perfect in every way except one thing that my head just won’t seem to let me get over.”

“Sean Taylor?” She says casually and I swallow hard, wondering whether to lie.

I stutter, “What? No—”

She holds her hand up to me, stopping me. “You’re a shitty liar. I saw the way your face changed when your dad mentioned him earlier.” Tears spring from my eyes again and the flood gates well and truly open, pouring down my face and soaking both my mum and my clothes as they splatter. She reaches for my other hand, covering them both with her own warm ones.

“I think I'm falling in love with him and I don’t know how to stop it.” I cry, slapping the tears away from my skin.

My mum swipes a few drops off my cheeks with her thumbs. “Why do you need to stop it?” I shrug, finding it harder with each day that goes by to answer that question myself. “Look, I know a bit about heartbreak sweetheart, let me give you a piece of advice.” She leans closer, “If it’s right, it will all come together and if not, you’ll heal from it.” “That simple?” I say, my voice still stumbling through the remaining tears. She nods once. “That simple baby.” She kisses my temple and stands up from the sofa. “Now, I better go before your dad throws a temper tantrum because I'm two minutes late.” She rolls her eyes playfully and heads for the door, my hand in her’s as she pulls me behind her.

I put my other hand on her shoulder when she yanks open the front door. “You’re ok…aren’t you Mum? Chemo is still going ok and everything?” My mum flaps her hands through the air and turns away from me, one foot already in the hallway, making her escape. “Yeah, yeah I'm fine. You know me, grab life by the balls and all that.” She floats down the hallway, waving a hand behind her. “See you at Christmas honey, love you!” “Love you too!” I yell after her, before closing myself away in my igloo again, away from the world.

Chapter 19

Sean

Callie is avoiding me, like really fucking avoiding me. She’s even been planning when she’s in the gym around our weight training schedule so she doesn’t have to run into me. When she ran out on me four days ago I sat in my bedroom coming up with a plan to make her see that this can work. I know her fears are warranted, I've given her no reason to believe that I've changed for her when it was me who created the fuck boy narrative in the first place. I tried to stop her when she wanted to have sex with me, I told her I was worried she’d regret it and it seems like that’s exactly what’s happened. The irony of this whole situation is that Callie was so anxious about me throwing her to the side like a used napkin after we had sex and that’s exactly what she’s doing to me. The worst part about this whole thing is that I feel like shit without her, all I want is to see her beautiful face, to talk to her and work out a way to fix this so I can keep her. I’ll do literally anything to be able to keep her.

It’s been four days of her avoiding every text I send, every call I make. I’ve even gone to her dorm with flowers — white roses to be exact — and her favourite strawberries every day since she ran out on me, but she’s still refusing to talk to me. I don’t know if I did something that made her scared or if she just never built any trust in me after all. But I really felt like I could see a change in her, in both of us. I mean god I look in the mirror right now and have no idea who is staring back at me. Sean Taylor, renowned play boy turned mopey asshole over a girl who fucked him then chucked him. Talk about karma.

I’m probably at the last place on the entire face on the planet that I want to be right now. The only place I want to be being 9.3 inches deep inside Callie. But that’s not going to happen is it?

My car rolls to a quiet stop at the edge of my parents' obnoxiously huge property. I stick my hand out of the window and press the buzzer, listening to it ring out a couple of times before Lois’ smug voice travels through the speaker.

“Hey fuck boy, I bet Dad twenty quid that you wouldn’t show up, so you owe me twenty quid.” She chimes and I roll my eyes, ignoring her. The gate finally whirs open and I hit the accelerator again, slowly moving up the driveway and rolling to a stop next to Lois’ car. I let my head fall into my hands once before opening the door and stepping out. I really can’t be fucked for this today, a family dinner is usually enjoyable for me, I'm a very sociable person and love my family to pieces. But right now it feels like there’s a gaping hole in my chest and no one in this house can fill it for me. My social battery is low too, needing to be filled by one curly haired, fiery brunette who currently would rather develop scurvy from never leaving her dorm, than talk to me.

Lois leaps on me the second I step through the front door. “Awe, I knew you missed me.” She grins at me, her deep dimples mirroring mine. Not that they’re out today, they’ve not seen the light of day since four days ago when Callie left me, taking my happiness with her.

I shove her off me. “I see you all the time.” I grunt, kicking my shoes off and padding towards the kitchen where the smell of sizzling meat is floating from.

Lois trails behind me like an annoying Chihuahua nipping at my ankles. She definitely didn’t inherit Dad’s tall gene like I did, she’s even shorter than Callie.

Callie.

I need to stop thinking about her or I won’t make it through this fucking dinner.

“Yeah but you pretend like I don’t exist.” She scoffs from behind me just as I reach the kitchen door, I swing it open and the hot air hits me directly between the eyes.

I bark a dry laugh. “I wish that you didn’t.”

“Hi Sean! Oh I missed you.” My mum comes bounding over, arms outstretched towards me just as Lois reaches up and pinches my bicep. “Ow! No pinching, you little shit.” I hiss, nudging her into the kitchen island that almost takes up the whole room. The kitchen ironically being the smallest room in the whole house, it’s the room my mum spends most of her time in when she’s not in the office. My parents spent just under 3 million pounds on this house, with it's vast expanse of land and it’s regal, winding staircase. The funny thing is the pair of them spend less time in it than ever before, both of them working their fingers to the bone everyday, travelling an hour into London and never leaving their office before 8pm. Mum wraps me in a tight hug, her familiar, homely smell giving me a moment of peace and comfort in her arms. “You don’t call us enough anymore, or answer your phone when we call. We miss you.” My mum sticks out her bottom lip and Dad comes behind me, slinging one arm over my shoulder.

“Leave the boy alone Judith he’s a busy man.” He ruffles my hair like I'm five years old and grabs a potato from the tray. They’re still spitting and he curses at the scolding heat as he pops it into his mouth and chews happily. “Your sister actually answers her phone when we call.” Mum huffs and Lois throws me an arrogant smirk.

I sigh and follow after my dad, launching a potato in the air and catching it in my open mouth. “Sorry Mum, I’ve just been a bit out of sorts lately.” Lois snorts. “Yeah we can see that, you look like a bag of dicks.” “Lois!” My parents shriek in unison, Mum throwing a tea towel across the room at my sister.

Lois throws her hands in the air as I glare at her. “What? He does! Look at his beard.” She scratches the dark coating of stubble that’s appeared on my face after four days of not shaving. I swat her little hand away and move towards the dining room. “You look like father Christmas with that thing sprouting out of your face.” She cackles and I turn to her as I reach the adjoining doors.

“Will you fuck off?”

“Jesus Christ!” My dad says, his mouth opening to let out the billowing steam from his second roast potato. “We send you two off to university with impeccable manners and you both come back with potty mouths.”

Dinner goes by relatively quick, I pretty much inhale my food, having not had my mum’s home cooking for about four months now. I’m cutting into my last piece of steak when Mum clears her throat and my stomach clenches. She only ever does that when she has something awkward or uncomfortable to bring up.

“So,” She starts and I pop my last piece of steak into my mouth. Big mistake. “Who’s this girl you’ve been seeing?”

My steak almost flies across the room when I start to choke. Of all the things I thought she was going to ask, that would have been so far down my list it would have been invisible.

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