Page 24 of On Thin Ice

“I haven’t been seeing anyone.” I croak, my throat tightening at the lie coming from my lips. I take a sip of water, then another one, trying to clear the bubble that’s expanded in my windpipe.

Lois barks a laugh and I turn to face her. “Sean? Seeing someone for more than one night? The mere thought of it nearly made him choke to death.” If I had something to throw at her right now I would seriously consider it. I go quiet, not knowing how else to deal with a situation like this with everyone’s eyes on me, assessing me like they’re trying to decipher morse code.

“You ok honey?” Mum says, looking at me through her lashes as she tips her glass of ruby wine to her lips, temporarily staining them.

I push my chair back, scraping it across the marble flooring. “You know what I actually feel a bit sick. Think I'll just go and lie down in my room for a bit.”

“Sean, I can—”

“Mum, it’s fine honestly. I just need to lie down.” I cut her off and leave the room before anyone else can say a word and head upstairs to my old bedroom.

I don’t know how long passes, half an hour, an hour maybe before a soft tap sounds on my door. I can smell Mum’s perfume from here, the light lavender smell that she’s carried with her since I was a child. I’m glad she's never wanted to switch up the perfume choice, this one brings me so much comfort the moment it hits my nostrils. My mum’s face appears around the door, concern etched deep into her eyebrows, I’ve never been a good liar and I think now, with my heart literally living outside of my body I'm even worse at hiding things. My mum’s a great people reader too, even strangers, so as you can imagine she reads Lois and I like we’re copies of her own personal biography. I force a half smile onto my face for her sake as she crosses the room to get to me, my arms rest behind my head as I stretch my long body out across the king sized bed. The mattress dips as she sits beside me and a sympathetic smile lines her mouth.

“I know something is hurting you.” She says, her voice draped in sadness. I can’t look at her, if I do I might give away the last tiny pieces of myself that I have left. “You might be a big, 6-foot-4, 23 year old man now, but you were my baby once and I know you.”

I sigh. “Yeah, I guess I'm just kind of a mess at the moment.” My eyes are still fixated on my lap as I sit upright, crossing my legs over each other. Mum’s hand lands on my knee. “It is a girl isn’t it? I was right.” I finally take a glance at her face, the laughter lines drawing my attention as I think about the happy marriage she has. I want that one day, I never thought I did but now there’s nothing I think I want more.

“How did you even know?” I mutter, watching her face soften when she sees the pain hiding behind my eyes.

She smiles gently. “I called your house the other day and Kyle answered, said you were on a date.”

Thinking about my date with Callie creates a sloshing wave in my stomach, the memory of her electric touch lingering on my skin, the tightness of her perfect pussy wrapped around me. But more importantly when she lay her head on my chest and fell asleep, when I wrapped my entire body around her’s, nestling into her neck and inhaling her fruity smell. Then, when she ran out of the door in the morning, leaving me there alone.

“Oh yeah…that,” I say, letting my misty gaze travel back down to my jean clad lap.

“I’ve never seen you like this before, over a girl.”

I take a deep breath and try to hold back, but the words tumble off my lips like word vomit. “She’s not just a girl, she’s the fucking girl Mum and I don’t know how to make her see that she can trust me. She knows what I’ve been like with women and because of that she’s too damn scared to give me a real chance, and how can I blame her? She’s right about all of it.” I feel a single tear prickle at my eyelids and I sniff it harshly back. My god, I really am going soft for this girl, Kyle was right.

My mum’s head falls, giving my knee a loving squeeze before she exhales a sharp puff.

“Look sweetheart, I know this is hard to hear… but you can’t make someone trust you. You just have to build it bit by bit and show her how much you care about her.”

“I’ve been going to her dorm everyday, taking her flowers and her favourite strawberries.” I sigh, scrubbing a hand down my face. “She won’t talk to me though, doesn’t want to see me.”

Mum takes both of my huge hands in her tiny ones, the contrast dragging a snicker up my throat.

“She’ll come around Sean,” the certainty in her eyes makes this whole thing seem simple. “If she’s right for you and you for her, then she’ll come around, trust me.”

I do, I trust my mum more than anyone else in this world but now my brain is floating above my body. Am I being too soft about all of this? Maybe I should just barge my way into Callie’s dorm and force her to talk to me.

No, that would never work, she’s too stubborn, she’d just pull back even further. I'll go and try again tonight on my way home, take her flowers and strawberries and maybe, just maybe I can convince her to hear me out.

Chapter 20

Sean

I always thought for sure it would take a huge event or some crazy fate for me to find the woman who would make me want to change, to commit to her and only her. But, it didn’t. Callie just fell into my life in the most unexpected way possible and since the moment I set my eyes on her I could feel a magnetic pull. I can feel it now, as I stand outside her dorm room for the fourth day in a row, a weighty bunch of white roses tucked under my arm and a bag in my other hand containing an extra large punnet of her favourite strawberries. My mum’s words are buried deep in my chest, pumping away with the organ I wasn’t sure was even working until I met Callie. I came straight here from my parents' house, the light fading behind the clouds as I drove, thinking about all the different ways I could persuade her to talk to me today. The light padding of footsteps approaches the closed, red door and I hold my breath, hoping it’s the girl I'm missing so badly. It’s familiar creak lifts my attention from the ground and Molly’s sympathetic face looks back at me, a pained smile creasing her forehead. Her blonde waves swing over her shoulder as her eyes grow soft. “Hi Sean,”

“Can I talk to her?” I say, my mind already telling me the answer to my own question. I’ve asked to talk to her everyday, and everyday she’s refused.

Molly sighs. “Well, it’s been a no for the last four days but I can go and ask her anyway.”

“Thanks Mol,” I smile, but it’s forced. I don’t feel like I have anything to smile about right now, not without her. It’s like the ray of sunshine that was a constant in my life since I met her has been snatched away from me. Now I'm left with nothing but darkness and frost.

I can hear Callie’s murmured voice snap, “I said no.” at Molly, before her best friend returns to me at the door with her face twisted into a scowl. “I’m sorry Sean, it's a no again,” she huffs, “and she nearly bit my fucking head off for asking.”

I hand the bunch of roses to Molly, their comforting scent floating in the air between us.

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