Page 25 of On Thin Ice

White roses are my mum’s favourite and my dad would always get her a huge bouquet of them for birthdays and anniversaries. My parents’ love for each other is something I’m desperate to emulate in my own life, it’s so pure and comfortable. I didn’t think I needed anyone to love until I met Callie, now it’s literally all I need.

“Give her these please, and tell her I miss her.” I say, handing her the bag of strawberries too before shoving my icy hands into my pockets and turning to leave.

“Sean,” Molly calls after me and I turn back to face her. “For what it’s worth I have tried to convince her to talk to you about what’s going on in her head.” She sighs and I can see the protective best friend behind her eyes. “The thing you have to understand about Callie is, she’s fucking terrified of letting her guard down with anyone. She let her guard down with Joel and that ended in a shit storm. She barely lets me inside her head and I'm her best friend.” Molly takes a step into the hallway, pulling the door almost closed behind her. I’m guessing she doesn’t want Callie to hear any of this, to hear Molly being totally honest about her deepest feelings.

“Callie has built this solid wall of protection around herself so that nobody can hurt her. She’s scared that you’ve found a way in, but she’ll never admit that.”

I lean back against the wall in the glossy, white hallway of the dorms, digesting every word that Molly said and stitching it to my brain so I never forget it. How can I show Callie that she doesn’t need to be scared with me? I know I can be what she needs, because the thing is, we need each other equally. I need her to show me how to do this relationship thing, how to navigate the hard times and she needs me to show her how it feels to be loved so deeply it’s in every crevice of your bones. I know I can do that for her, love her how she deserves.

“Thanks Molly, can you just tell her something for me please?” She nods, gathering her long, blonde hair and hanging it over one shoulder. “Tell her I'm not going to give up on her, I want her so much and I'll keep coming here every day for the rest of the year if that’s what it takes.” Molly’s face crumples and she sniffs back a tear. “Oh my god, you’re so cute.” She looks back over her shoulder and gestures to me with her palm. “Come on, come in.”

“I thought Callie said—” I start and Molly interjects with a dismissive wave of her hand.

“Forget what Callie said, that girl doesn’t know what’s good for her.” She smiles and grabs my forearm, leading me through the kitchen where she lays my gifts on the island and we round the corner to stand just outside Callie’s half open door. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s like I can feel her heart beating from here, like we’re tied together by an invisible string. Molly’s palm lands flat on my torso, stopping me from getting any closer to Callie’s bedroom door. “Wait here, I'm going to try and talk to her again, hopefully she doesn’t rip my head off this time.” She whispers, rolling her eyes and darting into Callie’s room, leaving the door cracked open so I can hear every word that’s being said.

“Come on Cal, he’s really trying here. I mean for fuck’s sake Joel never once bought you flowers and you were together for over a year. You should really give Sean a chance, it’s obvious how much he likes you.” Molly sighs, and I hear Callie return with her own.

“I had sex with him.” Callie blurts out and my eyes widen. She obviously hadn’t told her best friend that we slept together, is that bad? I feel like girls usually tell their best friends things like that.

I hear Molly choke on her own saliva. “Ok, hold on, back the fuck up… when did this happen?”

“The other night!” Callie's voice has gone up two decibels. “When I ran out on him and it’s all your fault!”

“My fault?” Molly gasps and I push my ear closer to the crack in the open door.

“Yes, your fault. You told him to bring me those strawberries and then I let him kiss me, and then I let him take me on a date and when he said I could stay at his place we got into his bedroom and we were alone together and I just couldn’t resist!” She groans, fighting to get her breath back after her rambling. “He took me out for a really nice dinner that he wouldn’t let me pay for, then he said I could stay over at his place when he found out you and Anais were out and I didn’t like staying alone. He even promised to make me breakfast in the morning, but I didn’t stick around long enough to let him.” She groans again and I hear her shove her face into a pillow. There’s a moment of silence behind the door and I hold my breath, waiting for one of them to speak again. My mind is swirling with thoughts, none of them coherent.

“Why didn’t you stay then?” Molly says, her voice quieter and milder than before.

Callie’s muffled voice comes through the pillow she’s stuffed her face into. “I don’t want to tell you.”

Molly sighs deeply. “Ok, well I’m not seeing any negatives here…” “That’s the problem,” Callie says, “I can’t see any negatives either, I’m desperately trying to find them but I can’t.” She takes a breath. “The only thing I'm worried about is my dad finding out, but he doesn’t pay enough attention to my life to figure it out on his own.”

I can’t believe what I'm hearing, she doesn’t see any negatives with me? I’m not sure whether to be even more confused or ecstatic. If she has no negatives to being with me then why has she been avoiding me for days? “The other thing is,” Callie continues, shuffling and making her mattress creak. “I know he’s been a ladies’ man in the past, but he really is pulling out all the stops to prove to me that he wants to change. He wants to change for me Mol, how can I resist that?”

Molly sighs deeply and I hear the mattress squeak again as Molly gets to her feet.

“You don’t need to resist him,” Molly says, swinging open the door to reveal me standing there like a gameshow prize. “He’s here and he wants you, so stop being a princess and talk to him.”

Callie’s face is like a horror show, she doesn’t know where to look. Our eyes meet and I can feel the pain in her’s, mirroring mine and I'm almost certain that she’s missed me like I’ve missed her. I need her to talk to me, to tell me what’s holding her back from me and maybe then we can figure out a way through this storm.

Chapter 21

Callie

It’s him, he’s here, standing in my doorway and staring me with those eyes, those fucking caramel eyes that live in the deepest part of my chest. I stand to my feet in shock, watching Molly scuttle out of my bedroom door like the traitor that she is. Sean moves towards me but maintains at least two feet of space.

“Molly, you bitch!” I shout over his shoulder towards my half open door. I hear her cackle like an evil genius from the kitchen. “Just doing what’s best for you, and what’s best for you is Sean Taylor!” She yells back and I turn my attention back to the only person I've been able to think about for the past four days.

“Hey,” He says quietly, his eyes pinning me to the spot.

“Hi,” I whisper, my feet shuffling uncomfortably below me. I don’t know how to drag my voice up from my throat.

He clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. “Are you…ok?” “No,” I say without hesitation. “Are you?” I already know he’s not, from the deep bags under his eyes to the grown out dark stubble across his jawline.

“Not even close.” He mumbles, running a hand through the bundle of messy waves that rest on his head. “I’ve missed you Cal, I've missed you so much these past few days.”

I sniff back the tears that are attempting to escape down my cheeks and shuffle my feet again. I want to just dive into his arms and let him have me, let him have all of me but the fear is still holding me hostage. The knowledge that I've not been totally honest with him is eating me alive at the same time.

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