Page 36 of On Thin Ice

I’ve asked about Callie’s mum before and she always seems to skate around any mention of her, I know her parents are still together as Coach often mentions his wife and you can’t miss the wedding ring attached to his finger. Callie has always been more than happy to talk about her childhood, all the happy memories and experiences but as soon as her mum is brought into the conversation she does a u-turn and changes direction.

She heaves a weighty sigh. “I don’t want to talk about her.”

Don’t push her Sean, she’s clearly upset.

“Why not?” Is what flies out of my mouth before I can stop it. My intrusive tendencies will get me in trouble one day I know but I’ve always pushed Callie to her limits, there’s no use stopping now.

I see her usually bright eyes turn a murky colour as they mist over and she tips her head down so I can no longer analyse her.

“Just leave it Sean.” Her voice has transformed into a whisper, the warning still creeping it's way through her hard tone.

But of course, I don’t heed the warning, I never have with her. “No Callie, I won’t just leave it, tell me.”

“My mum has cancer!” She snaps, waving her hands in the air as if to say, ‘happy now?’ The answer is no, I'm not happy, not even a little bit. Why didn’t she ever tell me this? I could have been there for her, she’s been holding it together, trying to be strong on her own and I fucking hate that. My heart hates it too, looking at her crumpled face, the lines in her forehead as she sniffs back tears and the thought of her crying alone whilst she dealt with her mum’s illness. All the while I was going about my day having no idea of the internal battle she was facing without me. “She had it a year ago,” she sniffs, “we thought she was ok now but, it’s come back and it’s worse than the last time. She says she’s ok but I know she’s not, she just insists on wearing a brave face all the time. I’m sure she does it for my sake.” Her voice cracks with pain at the end and I want to fall to my knees at her feet, hug her warm thighs and tell her everything will be ok. But I can’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair to lie to her when I can’t be sure everything will be ok.

Instead I opt for, “Baby I'm sorry, I didn’t know.” She smacks my hands away when I reach for her, wanting to scoop her up and hug her so tight she forgets about everything. “Come here.”

She shakes her head at me. “No Sean, go away.”

“I wasn’t asking.” I say, grabbing her by the waist and dragging her to me. I lift her off the ground, my arms wrapping around her body like tree trunks. She instantly buries her face into my neck and her arms circle around me as I feel the moisture seep into my t-shirt.

“Let me hold you, please.” I whisper into her mane of curls and she brings her thighs up to enclose my waist, tightening around me as she hoists herself up my body, sobbing into my shoulder.

She’s given in, allowing me to comfort her, to be her anchor when her own is floating away. I love when she’s like this, totally raw and vulnerable with me, letting me see the deepest parts of her.

I squeeze her tight. “Shhh, baby it’s ok.” It’s not though is it? My inner voice screams at me not to give her false hope, to tell her things that aren’t true just to comfort her in this moment. If there’s one person in this world she can rely on to always be honest with her not matter what, I want it to be me.

“It’s not ok Sean,” she sniffs, her voice watery and unsteady. “She’s going to die, I'm sure of it.” Her face sinks back into my neck, the slippery skin there coated in her tears.

I take a breath, pulling on the big boy pants that I don’t want to wear, but know I have to, for her. I’d do literally anything for her and I refuse to lie. “I can’t tell you that’s not going to happen.” I murmur and feel her body tighten like a koala around mine, clinging for dear life. “But whatever happens I’ve got you ok? I promise I’ve got you.”

Her wailing cuts through my chest, piercing a hole directly through my heart and making me want to keel over in pain. I drop to my knees, still holding her to me like we’re superglued together.

I don’t know how long we stay there, me gently rocking my girl back and forth and whispering, “It’s ok baby,” in her ear on repeat until her stuttered sobs finally cease. She peels her body off mine and I finally get a look at her face, her rosy cheeks and her puffy eyes. My t-shirt is quite literally soaked with tears, the cotton sticking to my skin where my baby’s puddle of misery has spread across my shoulder. I can almost feel the weight float away from her shoulders at having shared that with me and let out all the pain she’s likely been carrying around on her back for god knows how long. Callie fans her face, trying to cool her burning skin as I run my thumbs along her under eyes, wiping away the smudge of mascara. I stand up, taking her hands and bringing her with me. “Wanna just stay up here for the rest of the night and cuddle?” I whisper, dropping my forehead to her’s and breathing her in.

She shakes her head, her curls brushing over my jawline. “No, I need another drink. The mental breakdown plus the mind bending sex has sobered me up.”

I stifle a titter and follow her out of my bedroom like the obsessed puppy that I am.

Chapter 29

Sean

The ping of my phone distracts me for a moment as I follow Callie down the stairs and back to the party. I lift it from my pocket, reading the passive aggressive message from my mum about why I haven’t answered any of her repeated phone calls, when I bump into Callie’s back.

“Shit, sorry baby.” I mutter, grabbing her hips to stop me from knocking her flying forwards.

She’s just staring, her body frozen like a block of ice and when I slide my hands up her biceps I feel her trembling.

I immediately move around her, creating a shadow over her face and blocking her wide eyed gaze from whatever it’s locked on. “What’s wrong?”

She lifts a trembling finger and points over my shoulder. “Joel…Joel is… he’s here. Why, why is he here Sean?”

I twist my neck, tightening my grip on Callie’s arms and pulling her into my side as I scan the downstairs for Joel. When my eyes land on him he’s laughing without a care in the world, lifting his beer bottle to his lips and jabbing an elbow into Nick’s stomach.

Nick. That fucker.

“I’m so sorry Cal, I told Nick not to invite him when he mentioned it a few days ago.” I cup her face but she circles my wrists with her delicate fingers, releasing her face from my protective grasp.

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