Page 58 of On Thin Ice

I sigh now too, knowing she’s totally right. “I know, I'm sorry. I just didn’t want you to think badly of me for being with someone like Sean, who is known for his hobby of flitting between women like they’re flavours of ice cream.”

Lois titters. “That’s one way of describing my brother,”

“I really like him Lo, please don’t let this come between us.” She pats a hand on my bare thigh and stands up, reaching her hand down to help me to my feet too. “It doesn’t change our friendship Cal, I still love you and hey, I guess one day you could be my sister-in-law.” She grins and my stomach does it’s own little backflip. I’m not sure if it’s a good backflip or not.

“Erm, I'm not sure that’s on the cards just yet Lo,” I laugh and she nudges my shoulder, gesturing to Ellen who is stood waiting for me at the vault, hands on hips and eyes like a snake.

I huff and kiss her cheek. “Better go before Ellen gouges my eyes out.” Lois pats my ass as I move past her, yelling after me, “Go and smash it Cal!”

Oh, I intend to.

I’m well and truly fucked when I get back to my hotel room and not fucked in a good way like when Sean has broken me with his 9 inch dick. No, I'm fucking exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. I dump my bag on the ground, making a mental note to sort all of my sweaty shit out later and sink back onto my bed. Lois lands beside me, pulling out her phone and beginning to scroll through her messages from today. We both groan with exhaustion, a hint of frustration laced through both of our guttural sighs after the competition ended with neither of us collecting a gold. After I fucked up my vault I was dropped to second place, Lois pushed to third and Anais following in fourth. Ellen was pissed to say the least, but not as pissed as we were at ourselves for not coming top of all the universities like we usually do. My phone screen is filled with messages when I turn it on, not having had chance to look at it since 8am when we started warming up this morning. The first name I notice is of course Sean’s, I scroll through his many messages of support from this morning, the latest one from only an hour ago asking me to call him when I get back to the hotel. Just as I'm about to hit the call button, desperate to hear my favourite voice, I notice my dad has tried to call me a few times today too. My stomach sinks and before I have chance to think too much into what this means, he calls again. I answer immediately and can hear the thumping of my heart in my ears as I wait for him to speak. “Callie why haven’t you been answering your phone? I’ve been trying to reach you all day.” He says, so quietly it’s making my skin itch with anxiety. Usually if I’d ignored his calls all day he’d be yelling, scolding me for not being at his beck and call. But his voice is totally foreign today, a soft, raspy sound there that I don’t think I’ve ever heard before. I clear my throat. “I was at my competition Dad sorry, everything ok?” It's not, I can already feel it deep in the pit of my stomach.

Then there’s a silence on the other end of the phone, a silence so heavy I feel like it might crush me. I can hear him breathing, stuttering and uneven as he waits, for what I don’t know but I can’t bear this any longer so I mumble quietly, “Dad?”

He inhales a long breath. “Cal, I'm so sorry to have to do this over the phone but…”

“No,” I gasp, my lungs closing in on me and my ears prickling with heat, waiting for the words to fall from his lips, the words that will make me want to curl up in a ball and die.

“I’m so sorry honey,” he chokes on his tears, “but she passed away this morning.”

My ears are ringing, my head burning as the red hot flames crawl up my neck like a wildfire, spreading to every crevice of my skin and lighting me up like a house engulfed in flames. My eyes instinctively flood with tears, my vision a total blur as they roll down my cheeks in a heavy stream, leaving a trail of ice on my burning skin. I hang up the phone without saying another word, grabbing my chest where it feels like my heart might fall out of it.

Lois twists her face to look at me, seeing the tears and sitting up straight. “Cal, what’s wrong?”

I collapse into her, gripping her t-shirt so hard I'm worried I might tear a hole in it, she holds me as I weep and god, do I weep. I scream a low, throaty bellow as she hugs me tight, my entire body feels like it’s made of jelly, my legs and arms totally numb. When my mum’s beautiful, childlike grin enters my mind is when I totally lose it, rolling away from Lois and curling up in a ball, lying on the bed in the foetal position and rocking myself repeatedly as I sob with pain into my knees.

How can this be happening? How can she just be gone? Just like that. I saw her two fucking weeks ago and she was fine! I don’t understand, I don’t understand anything right now.

I don’t know how long I'm in that position but I do hear my phone ringing on repeat for what feels like days. When I finally feel able to lift my head from where it’s almost crusted to the pillow with tears, I see Lois sitting on the other side of the hotel room drinking a glass of water and watching me like a hawk.

When our eyes meet she stands up and approaches me, tenderly laying her hand on my arm as I sniff with the still trickling tears. “Callie, I'm so sorry, I saw the text from your dad when you were asleep.” Did I sleep? I don’t remember sleeping. “He’s tried to call you…so has Sean.”

Sean. I need him, right now, I need him.

I sit upright. “Where’s my phone?” I croak, my voice hoarse and dry. My throat hurts, my head hurts, everything hurts, especially my heart. Lois immediately retrieves it from her back pocket and puts it into my outstretched hand. I nod in thanks and unlock the screen, finding Sean’s number and pressing it with shaking hands.

Lois stands up from the bed. “I'll give you some privacy Cal.” She leaves the room just as Sean picks up the phone, his voice full of pride and excitement, the total opposite of how I'm feeling. “Hey baby, I heard you totally smashed it today, I'm so proud of you.”

I can hear the grin in his voice and for a split second the usual warmth spreads through my chest. Until the blazing fire returns and makes me want to die again.

I sniffle, speaking through my tears. “Can you come here?”

He falls silent for a beat and then whispers, “Are you crying?” I hear him shuffling around but I don’t respond. “Tell me what happened, tell me now Callie.” His voice is stronger now, that usual protective instinct wading through his deep tone.

I choke on my tears again. “My mum she…” God, I can’t say it out loud, it's too painful. “She’s gone Sean.” I wail, dropping my phone onto the bed beside me and burying my soaking wet face into my hands, sobbing loudly.

“Shit,” I hear Sean murmur, my phone still laying on the bed beside my knee. “I’m coming baby, I’ll be four hours ok?”

He hangs up before I can reply but I don’t care, all I care about is that he’s coming. I don’t think I’ve ever been so desperate to be in his arms than I am now, I need him to hold me so tightly I can forget just for a moment that my heart has been ripped from my chest and stamped into the ground in front of me. I need him here and fast.

Chapter 46

Sean

Shit, shit, shit. My brain feels like there’s a cloud of fog hanging over it, preventing me from being able to think clearly. I’ve been swerving in and out of cars down the busy motorway for just under four hours now, my satnav says I have twenty-five minutes to go until I'm at the hotel but I'm determined to be there in half the time. I haven’t stuck to the speed limit for more than five minutes of the entire journey here and yet the time seems to be dragging by so slowly, it’s driving me fucking insane. Fifteen minutes later when I round the bend and the hotel comes into view I feel my heart beat normally for the first time since I spoke to Callie earlier. I still can’t believe this is happening to her, my poor baby, all I want to do is wrap her up and keep her heart caged in my own chest forever so nothing can ever hurt her like this again. I slam my car door shut, sprinting towards the double doors and walking straight past the reception desk. My face must be totally thunderous right now, as the young, mousy girl on reception simply watches me pass her with wide eyes, not even attempting to stop me barging inside. I press the button in the lift, taking me up to the top floor of the five story building and listening to the echoing sound of my feet stomping along the silent corridor towards Callie’s room. I count the numbers in my head, 104, 105, 106, 107, finally 108. I lift my fist to smash it against the door but I stop myself, imagining the delicate state my girl must be in and deciding a light tap will suffice.

The door pulls open just a crack and my sister’s face appears in the gap. “She’s in a state Sean, she’s just been laying on her bed in silence, she won’t say a word to me.” Lois’ eyes are soft with sadness, powerless to help her friend and I consider reaching out and giving her a hug. But then I remember my girl needs me and she’s waiting.

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