Page 62 of On Thin Ice

“I don’t have to go,” he finally says, “I can stay here, if you need me.” His voice is so smooth, so sure of what he’s offering but he should know me better than that by now, I’d never ask him to miss his most important games of the season for me.

I shake my head immediately. “No, you’re going. So what time do you need to leave?”

He’s still watching me as he drinks, his eyes never leaving mine like he’s trying to read my mind as to whether I mean what I say. Of course I’d love him to stay here with me, he’s like my anchor, holding me down when I feel like my soul is floating away from me. But I also know how amazingly talented he is on the ice and how his team rely on him to lead them. He’s so good at what he does and I'm so fucking proud of him it hurts, so there’s no way on earth I'm going to ask him not to leave, even though my heart is screaming at him to stay.

Sean sighs and puts down his now empty mug in the sink, brushing past me and muttering, “I have to go at 8am, we have a long drive.” He leaves the kitchen without another word and a sinking feeling makes itself known in my stomach, is he mad at me? Does he want me to ask him to stay? I follow after him, pushing open the bedroom door and watching him shove last night’s t-shirt over his head.

“Are you mad at me?” I squeak and his eyes spring up to mine, eyebrows scrunched tightly in confusion.

“What? No, baby, why would I be mad at you?” He stands up and moves towards me, collecting my curls and bringing them to hang down my back. I shrug. “I don’t know, it just kind of felt like I upset you a minute ago.” “No, you didn’t upset me, I just really don’t want to leave and I was kind of hoping you’d ask me to stay so I had an excuse not to miss you like crazy for the next month.”

“I mean, of course I don’t want you to go Sean but…” I look into his caramel eyes, all of his feelings so clear as they pour out of him and I consider just screaming how much I love him right into his face. “I’ll miss you so much,” I run my thumbs along his jaw, the scratchy bed of stubble making my fingers itch. “But you have to go, your team need you and hockey is important you.”

“Not as important as you Callie,” he shakes his head, his warm palms covering mine on his cheeks. “No where fucking near as important as you.” He takes a long breath, pressing his lips to mine for a long beat and then collecting his car keys from my side table. “I better leave in a minute, I have to go home and get all my stuff together before I have to meet the team at the rink.”

Oh god, he’s leaving already.

“Ok, well call me when you get there ok?” I sigh, already fighting off the tears that I'm desperate to stop from spilling.

I know it will only make it harder on Sean if he sees me upset at him leaving, even though inside my heart is dying at the thought of not having him hold me for four long weeks.

“I will,” he brackets my jaw again, “and Callie, if you need me to come back, you call.”

I let my eyes flutter closed, mainly to stop the tears from spilling and giving away how much I fucking hate this. “I won’t ask you to come back Sean.”

“Cal,” he huffs, shaking his head with exasperation. “Just nod for yes.” He smiles and I can’t stop the airy laugh that leaves my lips as I nod, doing as I'm told for once.

Sean’s dimples deepen and I want to run my fingers over them, but I'm only making this harder for both of us, so instead I let him lead me by the hand towards the front door, where he shoves his feet into his shoes and steps out into the silent hallway.

He turns back to face me, his own expression sullen. “Ok, well, I guess I’ll see you in a month then.”

He leans his face down to mine, ghosting over my lips for a moment before they crash down onto me. The kiss is intense to say the least but not in a sexual way, it’s like everything we both want to say but are too scared or stubborn to, is poured into this kiss. His strong hands are around my waist, holding my body to his like a puzzle piece, lifting my feet slightly off the floor so we're on an equal level. His lips are so soft, so comforting as they move methodically against mine and I never want to stop…but I know we have to, so I reluctantly pull away after a long moment. “I’ll call you tonight,” I say, swallowing the words I'm so desperate to launch at him.

Sean nods and turns to leave, planting one last fleeting kiss against my lips.

As I watch him get closer to the stairs I feel a heavy weight settle in my chest, like my heart is saying, “What the fuck are you doing?” Sean has been my absolute rock this weekend, he’s done anything and everything he ever could to make me happy, to support me through thick and thin and I can’t even be honest about how I feel towards him. I’ve never loved him more than in this moment and that’s why my heart takes over before my head can catch up.

“Sean!” I yell after him, even though he’s no more than 10 metres away from me.

He spins around, his eyes sad, his face drooping with the longing to stay. This is it, I have to say it now, I have to tell him.

I take a jagged inhale. “I love you.”

Sean’s expression immediately transforms to one of surprise, but his eyes soften and for a moment I think he’s going to cry, meanwhile I'm holding my breath for him to say something. This will be the moment when I know for sure, he’ll either reject me and everything I’ve been scared of happening since I met him will come crashing down on me. Or he'll tell me that he loves me too, I don’t know what I’ll do if he just walks away. “I love you Cal,” he says, his expression pained as he marches back to me, hauling me up into his arms and hugging me so tightly I can barely breathe.

But you know what, I don’t fucking care, all I wanted was for this man to love me as much as I love him and now I’ve heard the words leave his lips I feel like my knees might buckle from the relief. He didn’t reject me, he loves me too. My head and chest feel so light as he holds me there, his face in my neck, his arms around my middle as I wrap my legs around his waist like a vice, never wanting to separate myself from him.

Sean lifts his face from my neck, his features still warm and soft. “One kiss Callie, that’s all it took.” His face crinkles into a smile. “One kiss and I was done, I was yours forever.”

My heart feels like it might burst out of my chest right now.

“Forever…” I muse, pursing my lips to hide my growing smile. “That sounds nice.”

Sean's face cracks in two, the full force of his dimpled grin hitting me right in the chest. “Hell yeah it does.” He presses a tight kiss to my lips and then smacks another to my cheek before grinning at me again. “I can’t believe you love me,”

I roll my eyes and wriggle down from his body like a tree. “Yeah, well, don’t keep going on about it or I’ll take it back.” I fucking love teasing him.

“Nu-uh,” he wags a playful finger at me, “no take backs.” He strokes my cheeks with his rough hands and plants one more lingering kiss to my lips. “Ok, I really have to go now before Coach screams at me for being late.” I nod, still not wanting him to leave but not being able to ignore the way my whole body now feels lighter than before, when I was carrying around my love for Sean but never letting him have any of it.

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