Page 108 of Underground Prince

ALL IN

I crept into my apartment, shoes dangling from my hands as I heeled the door shut. Verily’s light was off and it came as no surprise—it was almost two-thirty in the morning.

I tiptoed to Verily’s bedroom, creaking the door open with a whispered, “Vare?”

“Mmpf.” She rolled from her back to her side, burying her face in her pillow.

I perched on the edge of the bed. And poked her.

“Umug.” Verily didn’t move.

“I talked about Cassie tonight.”

“Huh?” She flipped onto her back, the soft light coming in from the main room pooling over her as she blinked herself awake.

I nodded, though she couldn’t see. “It simply…came out.”

She lifted up on her elbows. “With who? Sax?”

I nodded again. “Verily…”

“Shh.” She sat up, pulling me close, her voice heavy with sleep. “It’s okay.”

“No, please don’t.” I drew out of her arms, scooting back. She’d understood, even when I was in the dark, that tears were coming. “I shouldn’t have comfort. I shouldn’t—wasn’t—Verily, tonight I realized, all this time, I haven’t uttered her name.”

“You’ve been grieving.”

“But to stop talking about her, to pretend she was never here…she was my sister. My twin, and I’ve been living as though we’d never had a bond. I’ve reduced her.”

“You can’t run way from me this time.” Verily balanced on her knees, collecting me into her arms as I began to sob. “I’ve been waiting for this moment. C’mere.”

“How could I have done that?” I moaned into her skin. “How have you been okay with me?”

“Because you’re my best friend, because you lost your identical twin, because…” She laid her chin on the top of my head. “Not one of us, including you, knew what to do to make this better.”

My throat swelled. “Talking about her tonight didn’t bring any relief.”

“I know, honey.”

“But it—but I…” I breathed through another sob. “I’ve done everything to forget her and nothing to remember her.”

“So what were your other options? Become so depressed that you’d rather stare into the underside of your comforter for the rest of your life than expose yourself to another day without your sister?”

“I tossed away my previous life and made a new one without her. I dyed my hair so I would look nothing like her. I forbade my parents from ever using my nickname—Cassie’s nickname for me. Letty. I stopped calling my parents. I pretended I wasn’t even a part of that family anymore. And not for one moment did I think about that night and what my actions did to her.”

“Your…oh Scarlet, you didn’t cause this.”

“I know that, I know it, in my mind, but my heart says I could’ve been better. There was no reason to drink so much, to be so pissed that I always felt behind her in some way. Too busy studying and isolating and being a loner while she was out having the time of her teenage life—like I was supposed to do, too. Such ridiculous, stupid worries. And me? Just one night, I lost it. I was selfish before and I’m selfish now.”

“Oh my God, it is so easy to saint people who aren’t here anymore!”

I stared at her.

“Scarlet, come on. Yes, your sister was wonderful. But she was also a bitch. Granted, I knew her a year, but that was enough to see that she could be obsessive, nagging you until you did your chores that she scheduled and alternated each week. She bragged about her boyfriend to you and took some satisfaction in creating jealousy. She competed with you, in looks, in fashion, in grades. The two of you chomped at each other any chance you could get. You fought like sisters. You confided like best friends. You and Cassie, to sum up in one word, were human.”

“I…”

She nudged me on the shoulder. “And you know as well as I that she’d be super pissed you’re making her into such an angel right now. She’d proudly call herself a feisty devil. Yeah, she wanted to save babies in Africa, but she also had the motivation to kick you from under whenever she saw an opening. And you did the same.”

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