Page 129 of Of Realms and Chaos

Dread settled deep in my chest, and I combated it with memorizing the way his eyelashes brushed his lightly freckled cheeks. The dip and rise of his top lip. The cut of his strong jaw and the billowing of his familiar cloak in the wind. The way his open shirt showed the black veins below and hugged the muscles of his arms. His hands came to my cheek and neck, the cold sting of his rings further cooling my frozen skin, and I knew I would always remember that, too.

With a nod, he pulled me into him and portaled us back to our room at the inn. Wrath looked up at us from his spot on the bed, where his damp fur soaked the thick quilt. Bellamy shook his head at the dalistori before he could speak. Then he tugged me towards the bathing room, and I watched him summon water from nothing, the liquid already steaming as it poured from the skin of his palms. From his shadows appeared a glass vile, the dark liquid casting the scent of vanilla into the air as he poured it out.

As always, he came to me, untying the gown and slipping it off my shoulders. Each move was slow and methodical, never once straying into a more sexual touch. He was gentle, loving even, with the way he slipped off my shoes and pulled off my undergarments. When I was fully bare, he offered me his hand and helped me into the tub, placing a kiss to my head as I sank in.

“If you need me, let me know. I am going to contact Henry, and we will figure this out.” Though I trusted him completely, I also knew that there was little to be done. Stiffly, I bobbed my head down before lying back and closing my eyes, letting the hot water cleanse me. If only I could bleed every wicked piece of myself out, let it stain the water and leave me void of the evil that I had been gifted like a prize. Perhaps then I would be a better ally to a peaceful kingdom. One worth risking so much for.

Bellamy lingered for a moment, made evident by the near silence around me. But then, with a heavy sigh, he walked away, the sound of his footsteps retreating followed only by the click of the door shutting. Then nothing.

A new silence, one full of panic rather than sorrow, enveloped me. And I let it. I settled within it, allowing it to pull me under the water, scorching my cheeks as I went. While I lay there, weightless and free of the pressure that constantly threatened to break me, I decided I would do the one thing I knew would finally make me irredeemable.

I would choose.

Tomorrow, the three of us would go back to Eoforhild. I would accept that there was nothing more that I could accomplish here, and I would do exactly what Bellamy begged of me.

I would choose myself.

V

Act V

~ To Live ~

Chapter Forty-One

Asher

Iwalked out of the bathing room prepared to tell Bellamy all I had decided. Ready, now, to finally stop pushing forward and simply exist in this place of stillness.

But, of course, Henry was there, waiting with the biggest smile on his face. His beard was now gone, and his tan cheeks were tinted red from the cold. He wore a light blue wool top and dark black trousers, his boots tracking mud across the gray rug below his feet. I groaned as he walked towards me, his arms open wide.

“Guess who has so graciously come to visit his favorite little brat and wallow in her failure with her?” I let him embrace me, holding my towel around my body and grumbling against his chest.

“Everyone is entitled to say stupid things sometimes, but I feel as though you are abusing my patience.”

He laughed, leaning down to place a kiss to the top of my head before letting me go.

Wrath was on the bed, his body smaller than normal and curled into a ball. His eyes tracked Henry with the sort of distaste that one would afford spoiled food. I smiled, trying to remember that I agreed to free myself from the grueling task that was saving the world.

I was choosing me.

“Where is Bellamy?” I asked, my eyes darting around the rest of the room. Henry unceremoniously fell back on the bed, his head on my pillow and his feet quickly swinging to kick Wrath.

“You are quite lucky that Asher wishes for you to live, or else I would disembowel you, you ridiculous orange-haired oaf.”

I laughed as Wrath swatted at Henry’s exposed ankle, slicing him and earning a hiss of pain from the demon. Wrath stretched, turning to stick his tongue out at Henry before jumping down and making his way to me. He weaved between my legs while in his smaller state then headed to Bellmay’s satchel and secured a black long-sleeve top in his teeth. My smile lifted as he walked back to me, growing until his mouth was level with my hand. I grabbed it, offering him a scratch beneath his chin.

“Pumpkin, focus, please. Where is Bellamy?” I asked, wrapping my towel tighter before stretching out the top and lifting it above my head. Henry tucked his hands beneath his head, facing me with a devilish smirk.

Wood creaked beyond the door, and then it swung open, revealing Bellamy carrying a tray of pastries and what smelled like coffee. My hands froze above my head, eyes flicking from Bellamy’s stunned face to Henry’s smug one. Quickly, I pulled the top over my head, my towel nearly slipping when a button got stuck in my hair.

“I believe he is right there,” Henry added, a chuckle following his statement.

A pair of large warm hands met my skin just above the hem of the towel, holding it in place on either side. When my head finally popped through the fabric, Bellamy was there, smiling down at me with dimples gracing his cheeks.

“How are you feeling?” The question was spoken with a soft tone coated in nerves and fear. Perhaps that stemmed from how many times I had fallen into a catatonic state right before his eyes, or maybe it was because he also felt how truly hopeless this endeavor had been. No matter which it was, I still felt the butterflies take flight within my stomach, my heart racing as I stared into his beautiful blue eyes.

Bellamy had often told me that I was the beginning, the end, and each moment in between. At first, I had not been sure what he meant by it, but now, I thought I understood. No matter what happened from here, I knew that Bellamy would always be the start and end of my life. The two hundred six years before him had been a series of tragedies that slowly left me hollow, an empty husk void of life. Nicola, Farai, Jasper, and Sipho had poured as much love as they could into me, but all that had come was just as surely taken from me by the fae royals. With Bellamy, that would never happen again.

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