Page 130 of Of Realms and Chaos

Regardless of what the coming war brought, I would always have that—him, us. Bellamy had gifted me something I never thought I would have: a family that loved me.

“I am okay. Happy to be with you, here. Obviously we have nothing left to do in Xalie, but we could always use this as a chance to be a bit selfish. I know that it might seem like an inappropriate time to—”

His lips met mine, brutal and claiming and full of eager energy. I smiled into the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and stretching onto my toes. As if no amount of connection would ever be enough, he snaked his arms around my lower back and hoisted me up, spinning me around as I laughed against his mouth.

Wrath and Henry both let out a groan, but we ignored them, living in a unique moment of slowness and joy. Stopping mid-spin, he readjusted, gripping my thighs and pulling my legs around his waist. I gasped, feeling my still-bare lower half against him.

“Get out,” he ordered Wrath and Henry before lowering his lips down my jaw. Henry grumbled, placing a hand on Wrath before the two of them disappeared in a burst of light. Teeth met the hollow of my throat, causing my head to fall back. “I love you so fucking much, Asher. Do you know that?”

Head bobbing up and down, a nearly silent moan crawled up my throat as his hands slid to my bare backside, gripping harder. My back met the wall with an audible thud, a ringed hand tracing from my hip and up my stomach, palming my breast beneath the shirt. Though I knew I could live and die happily in his touch, I also wanted to talk to him, to explain my choice.

“Bellamy,” I muttered, pushing away slightly. He instantly relented, backing his head away and staring at me with lust-clouded eyes, his lids half closed and his full lips swollen from my own. We stared at one another for a moment, appreciating all that made up the one we loved more than anything else. How odd, to be loved as much as you love. To find your equal and know that they see you as such. It was a beautiful and terrifying thing, discovering the one who made your soul complete. Because once you knew life with your other half, how could you be expected to ever exist without them again? “I do not want to give up, but I think it is time I recognize when I have lost. That morning, it felt like a failure. Though it hurts, maybe it was what I needed to finally allow myself to be selfish.”

Rubbing our noses together briefly, he gently set me back on the ground, a single heated hand cupping my cheek. My head automatically leaned into the touch, eyes closing at the sweet feel of what I now knew as home.

“I have always lived a selfish life, Ash. Each day was a chance for me to exist on my own terms, Adbeel made sure of it. No one allowed you that, so I understand why you desire to be someone outside of me. I desperately want to matter, to be more than a king or a general. Every fiber of my being desires to be someone. But I know that, without you, I am nothing; whereas, without me, you are still everything. I do not take for granted the fact that you are choosing me, and I hope you know that this setback does not negate all that you have accomplished. All that you are.” My eyes opened in surprise, staring at him with disbelief.

“No, please do not say that. You are so much more than simply mine. That first night we met, you told me you wanted to be more than a soldier or a husband or a father. You said that, knowing who I was and what you would be to me. I may not be aware of the future to the extent that you are, and I understand why I cannot yet.”

There had been a sort of silent agreement that all which could be shared with one another, would. There were secrets he could not tell me, ones that only he and a great river knew, but even those would soon be told. I could feel it, and I feared it nearly as much as the war because I knew that it would alter everything. But I had learned to love change, and I knew that I would find a way to be ready for whatever it was that he still hid from me.

Change had never been a part of my life before. Instead, I lived in a cycle, repeating the same days like a never-ending loop. An off-key melody that existed solely in the space of sorrow and duty that made up the chorus of my life’s song. But Bellamy…he was the bridge, a change in the tune that allowed it to rise. He was a stunning series of notes and lyrics that coalesced and enchanted the masses. If he was not worthy of all the love in the world, then who was?

And that truth I could tell him—I would tell him.

“But I do know you. Every beautiful part of you is the embodiment of what your realm—the entire world—needs. No future exists in which you have not exceeded every expectation of yourself, and I wish you could see how worthy of your own love you are.”

He shook his head, like he might rid himself of my words. To his core, Bellamy was fighting for love just as I had been. Though we grew and that deep need for acceptance manifested differently, I thought we might always be the same in the belief that any who loved us was being deceitful. That love came with a cost, one that we would pay ten times over even if it meant ruining our lives for it. That left us suspicious, unsure, and distrusting. Someone claimed us “loved,” and we simply heard “useful.”

“How about you and I go to that tavern nearby and, for once, have a good time? Tomorrow, we can plot and worry and fight, but today—today, let me remind you of what it is to be loved like you deserve.”

A shaky laugh broke free of his chest, lifting his cheeks and crinkling his eyes before he once more brought our lips together. I opened my mouth for him, but instead of letting him lead, I took control. Tangling my fingers in his hair, I tugged his face further into mine, tasting him with the fervor of someone denied their addiction. He moaned into my mouth, the ring of his deep tenor sending chills up my back.

“Go get dressed,” he muttered, his tongue only momentarily separating from mine. “If you do not, then we will never make it to that tavern.”

I shook my head, biting down on his lip and eliciting a low growl from him. Fingers met my side, and I was forced to separate from him as they dug into my flesh, my uncontrollable laughter and desperate pleas ignored by his relentless tickling.

“Okay, okay! I am sorry! Stop, please!”

He chuckled right along with me, pressing my body into the wall as his teeth grazed my throat, my body shaking with each laugh.

Finally, he released me, tugging his top up my body to leave me bare, winking as he backed up. When he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands and eying me with excitement, I rolled my eyes and flashed him my middle finger. His answered hum of satisfaction warmed my cheeks and left my chest tight with adoration. With love. With complete and utter obsession.

I slipped on undergarments and thick tights, followed by a wool dress in the same shade of green as Henry’s eyes, all the while listening to whistles and murmured compliments from the male on the bed. That icy blue gaze tracked me like a predator on the hunt, and I wondered silently what it was like to be the one searching for prey.

Perhaps, for tonight, I could let go of all the inhibitions that plagued me and give it a try.

Mischief and lust tainted the air, my magic painting the male with it. His eyes widened, pupils bleeding into the blue and darkening his irises. Flashing him a wicked smile, I slowly pointed my toes as I slid my foot into my black boot, letting my fingers trace up my calf when I was done fastening the laces. Gleefully, I repeated the action with the other foot, watching his chest rise and fall more quickly with each passing second. My cloak was last, which I fastened as I cleared my throat.

I stood with a broad smile, winking at him this time. He blew out a heavy breath, shaking his head and taking the hand I outstretched. We walked that way, the skin of our palms electrified by the contact and his thumb tracing lazy circles across the back of my hand.

Henry and Wrath were at the base of the stairs, both sitting on the bottom step and spitting harsh words at one another. So, really it was no different from any other day.

“You look like a fucking hair ball, what gives you the audacity to give me advice?” Henry asked, the rhetorical question hissed between clenched teeth.

Wrath lifted his furry chin, as if he was above the insult. “If she has not spoken to you in three days, I think it is quite obvious that you were as unsatisfying in the bedroom as you are unappealing to look at.”

I stifled a laugh, further struggling when Bellamy allowed his own to ring free. Henry turned back to us, his mouth agape and his eyes narrowed. He looked far more stricken than he had with any insult I had thrown his way recently.

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