Page 14 of Of Realms and Chaos

Ignoring the good to assume someone is evil does no one justice. It only makes the reality more painful when it hits you in the face and reminds you of the truth. No one was truly good or evil.

“No, Princess, I am not mad. I would never be angry with you for struggling after the trauma you endured. I love you—so much more than you understand,” he said, placing a finger below my chin to tilt my head up.

Our eyes met, the sheer power of his love bringing me to tears. I found myself once again wondering how anyone survived such a feeling.

“I mean, are you mad because of my inadequacies? I am not some delicate princess who is simply feeling down. I am broken and torn and a mess of a being. I know nothing of the world—I am both dangerous and terrified, and there is no part of me that is worthy of you. I cannot give you an heir or a life of joy. I am not…whole.”

Hearing the words slip from my lips made me realize just how pathetic they sounded. How did such a perfect evening lead to a morning like this? I felt exposed and raw, as if I were stripped bare and then skinned until my very soul was displayed.

Bellamy stood there for a moment, watching the tears fall from my eyes as I silently cried. I wished I was not letting my emotions get the best of me. I used to be so much better at hiding it all.

“I know that no amount of times I say this will convince you of something you do not believe, but you are not inadequate. You are more than I ever dreamed I would have.” When I did not immediately respond, he sighed.

“Can we talk about something less horrid? There are too many feelings, too much weighing down on me. I just want to be happy and enjoy your company.” I meant every word, but we both knew I was also avoiding something that I would one day have to face.

“Okay, Princess. Okay.” He placed a kiss on my forehead, lingering for a minute. He pulled away suddenly as his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face. “Come. Let me show you something.”

With that, he stood up straight, reaching a hand out to me. I took it without thinking, my cheeks still wet from the grief of what could have been in another life. What should have been.

“Are you going to pretend to show me the library again so you can fuck me?” I asked, a small chuckle leaving my lips despite my morose mood.

Bellamy laughed too, shaking his head as he lifted me up. He wiped away a stray tear with his thumb, a ring grazing my skin and sending shivers down my back.

“I would like to think that I am taking you somewhere even better, but that might be because I plan to be inside of you in every room of this castle,” he whispered into my ear.

I gasped, and then the familiar pull of portaling tore at my body. It was unnatural, portaling. Like fighting the universe.

“How lazy are you demons? We could have walked,” I said, both of us laughing and smiling at the other as our feet found solid ground.

“Take a look around and tell me if you still wish we would have made the long walk here.”

My body was turned, and then I was facing a room similar to the others—white walls and driftwood floors, blue rugs and white furniture with gorgeous silver designs. The windows were enormous with curtains matching the sky beyond. Three massive blue sofas sat in a U-shape with small white tables placed where they met, arranged facing a white brick fireplace off to the left.

None of that was why Bellamy brought me there though. No, the reason we stood in that doorway was sitting off to the right, light from the open window shining on it and making it look as if it were aglow.

A large, silver pianoforte was there, the matching bench with a light blue cushion practically begging for me to take a seat.

I had not played since that moment in Haven when I felt as if my life was ending. When I was alone and scared and unaware of the dangers that awaited me back home in the Fae Realm—in Betovere. Bellamy had walked in then, and I had simply left. Our relationship was different now, but I still felt just as broken.

Bellamy led me to the bench, taking my hand as I sat down before moving to the side and leaning forward with his elbows atop the shiny surface. My breath hitched at the beauty of it. Chandeliers hung above us, identical to the others I had seen within this palace and Bellamy’s Haven residence. They bathed the room in demon light, the Sun magic doing what it did best—highlighting beautiful things.

They lit Bellamy’s face up and cast him in a magnificent glow of colors, the rainbow on his cheeks sending my heart into a sprint. The piano was also alight, silver mixed with the colors making it look like a rare gemstone.

I could weep at the sight of it.

There was something freeing about this moment. Perhaps it was the difference in my mental state or even the way the wind felt like it was calling to me as it blew through an open window. Maybe it was the high of being able to make my own choices. Every moment from now would be my own to dictate and mold. Mine.

With my back straight and the memory of Henry telling me that I sat like I had a stick up my ass bringing a smile to my face, I began to play.

Unlike the last time I was able to pour my heart into the keys, this time my fingers found a more triumphant rhythm. There was excitement and beauty to the melody, a distinct sense of rightness as it built.

My hands flew, my heart racing right along with them. I was not able to focus on Bellamy, to look his way or attempt to hear his thoughts. All I could do was think of the journey that had led me here. The painful and devastating parts seemed smaller in the wake of the laughter and warmth and love I had found. Though they still hurt, there was no denying that I had at long last discovered my place in this world.

With that realization, I slowed to a soft close. I left my hands there, hovering over the keys as I breathed in deeply. Everything would move quickly from here. King Adbeel would come, and I would meet with him and then deny them my aid. When the arguing that was sure to ensue ended, I would have Bellamy take me home, and I would win my crown. All that would happen was enough to convince me that I deserved these small moments of peace.

“Beautiful,” Bellamy whispered from his place to the right, his eyes alight with more emotion than I was capable of understanding. He smiled, walking over to me and beginning to rub small circles on my back. I sighed, leaning into his touch, and was glad for his anchoring presence.

“Such a compliment coming from an artist. Truly, I am blushing, Your Highness.”

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