Page 21 of Of Realms and Chaos

Or mead. Maybe I did have a problem.

I could throw myself from the boat. A swifter death than hurling up my insides.

Probably should not think that way when I just argued about my sanity and will to live.

“Come on, we need to train. You have not picked up a weapon since Ha—” Henry stuttered to a stop, his breath hitching at what he almost said.

What none of us would say.

Haven. The beautiful place of safety and acceptance, a sanctuary for fae who escaped the rule of tyrants. All dead now. Just like Pino. Just like Winona. Dead not only because of a wicked queen’s fight for power, but also because of a stupid princess’s selfish desire for freedom.

“I have not been in the mood, obviously,” I said, grabbing the edge and making my way down the ship towards our shared cabin. He would push until I agreed, so I might as well collect my weapons while we argue. I was nothing if not a multitasker.

“Unfortunately, we do not have the time to cater to your moods. This will be more dangerous than the journey through Eoforhild. We not only have to survive, but we have to win these beings over. We cannot do that with weak form and smelly breath,” he chastised.

“I am sure that is what all the females say to you,” I spit. It was immature, but I was in a particularly foul state of mind.

He chuckled, a deep laugh that made me stop in my tracks. A façade, that was what it was. We were close enough to not pretend with one another, yet we still hid. Him behind smiles and teasing, me behind scowls and sarcasm.

Neither of us were okay, far from it. When I turned to say that to his face, I froze. Those green eyes bore into me, so expressive that I did not need the power of mind manipulation to know he was just as ashamed and concerned as I was. Just as broken.

“Fine, we can train. You are right. There is no room for mistakes.” With that, we continued moving forward inch by inch, me holding onto the edge and him walking with his hands in his trouser pockets. I nearly tripped him just to get the haughty look off of his face.

By the time we were back in our cabin, I was practically crawling, desperate for stability and stillness. I had never been at sea before this, and I was suddenly very sure that I would have died long before I reached The Mist had I gone with my original plan of escape those many months ago in Haven.

With the ache in my chest at the memory of that once beautiful place and the horrific thought of bloody white floors and rasping breaths, I promptly dove for the bed. Maybe a second of rest would stop me from vomiting all over the floors?

Henry and I had to share, doing our best to stay inconspicuous as we traveled. He was easily the worst bedmate in history, taking up well over half the bed and snoring so loudly it reverberated off the walls.

A male as tall as him truly could not fit anywhere, but watching him duck under the door frame and scrunch onto the bed beside me was a reminder of why he probably also hated traveling by sea. We made quite the duo.

“Listen, I am here if you want to talk. I am not sure how many more times I can say that before you understand I mean it. For the sake of time, I will assume that it is infinite and you are about to turn me down, so how about we cut to the good part and I teach you dagger throwing?”

I turned, prepared to give my best rebuttal, but a piece of paper wrapped around a pen smacked me in the face, bouncing and hitting him too. A spark of excitement flitted through me as I grabbed it, untying the yarn and opening the note.

I can think of quite a few things I can do with a candle that would change your mind, Princess.

A gasp left my lips before I could stop it, my thighs clenching together out of instinct. Wicked demon.

Bellamy had a tendency to send me inappropriate messages at the most inconvenient of times, the worst being when I was so drunk that I responded to his mention of his extensive sailing experience by saying that I was very interested in what his tongue could do while steering a ship.

“You know, his flirting could use some work. Imagine if you misinterpreted that and thought he was threatening to shove a lit candle up your—”

“Okay, okay, enough of that. Get up. We have training to do,” I said, chuckling despite myself.

Henry was always good at that, finding humor in awful situations and making me smile when all I wanted to do was cry. He reminded me of Nicola, so sure of himself and who he was that he could find joy and meaning in anything.

My heart ached for Nicola, for the danger she might be in due to me. I had begged Bellamy to rescue her, Farai, and Jasper. Pleaded for him to save them before I killed them, because I knew it would be my hands their blood would stain if Mia chose to punish me by harming them. Because life without them would be empty and incomplete.

Everyone had been vehemently against going to them—Henry most of all. He had said it was not worth the risk of his kind, his realm. A fight sparked between him and Bellamy, leading to a verbal sparring that outdid all of my grandest arguments with The Elemental.

Bellamy had agreed, I could tell by the way he fought with words of love rather than words of strategy.

“She cannot help us if she is consumed with worry for her friends!”

“If she or any of us go after them, then the trap will spring and we will play right into their hands!”

“So you expect her to do nothing? You expect me to watch as she withers and crumbles in front of us?”

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