Page 56 of The Wedding Proposal

In contrast, judging from Elle’s side of the conversation, Will Jamieson hadn’t even asked his daughter how she was, though her husky voice was a pretty fucking great clue that she’d been crying.

Elle’s parents had always been chilly, which she would explain away with a shrug and ‘That’s what comes of marrying the wrong man at the wrong time and in secret.’

As she talked into the phone, he wondered about that secret wedding all over again. Elle wasn’t generally an inconsiderate person. She was self-possessed and didn’t ask much of anyone, but she didn’t disregard people’s feelings.

So why had she ignored her parents’ feelings over marrying Ricky? Had she been that crazily in love with him that nothing else seemed to matter? His stomach clenched at how much he still hated that idea.

Finally, she put down the phone and sank her forehead on her hand. ‘He’s going to liaise with the hospital and The Briars tomorrow morning and try and get an idea of the situation. Then we’ll talk again.’

Her hand lay on the table and he covered it lightly with his. ‘How are you doing?’

She covered her eyes.

‘Sorry. Stupid question. You’ve had a shock and you’re worried about your mum.’ He slid his arm around her once more, catching his breath at how right it felt to have her pressed against him. The top of her head was just below his face. He could have turned his head and laid his cheek upon it.

She let out a groan. ‘It’s stupid, though, isn’t it? We’re not even close.’

‘It’s not stupid.’ He hesitated. ‘Maybe it’s grief because you’re not close.’

She paused and swallowed. ‘And the chance to be has gone? That could be insightful.’ A longer pause. ‘I phoned the home this morning and asked to speak to her so that I could tell her that I love her. She hardly knows her own name but I wanted to tell her anyway, just in case something of what I said got through. It’s as if I knew this was coming.’

‘Maybe. Some instinct.’

‘It was Carmelo who set me thinking. Poor kid. I feel as if he’s looking for someone to love him and his mother’s the obvious one. I kind of recognised—’ She stopped and started in a different place. ‘I just thought: my mum’s always been reserved, but I’m a grown-up. I don’t have to wait all my life for her to tell me that she loves me. I can say it to her. So I did.’

Shock shimmered through Lucas. ‘Hasn’t your mum ever said that she loves you?’

‘I don’t remember that she did. She was quite friendly but I used to watch other children get swooped up into huge bear hugs and wonder what it was like.’

‘“Quite friendly”,’ he repeated. He’d been one of the kids swooped up in bear hugs. Hugs, he was afraid, from which he’d often fought free.

Elle had never opened up to him like this before. Not in all the time they were together, not all the times they lay in bed talking, or chatting across the dinner table.

Had he actually known this woman at all? He’d loved her, made love to her, shared his life with her. He’d been aware that there was a lot going on under the top layer but not how to unwrap it. He remembered demanding information from her, as if it were his right, and being frustrated when she’d widen her eyes and look away with a shrug.

His conscience sank its fangs into him. Demands hadn’t been what she needed. She’d needed the opportunity to expose herself, and then the choice as to whether to take that opportunity. She’d needed someone who would make her feel safe. Someone who wouldn’t judge her.

It had never crossed his mind that he should or could provide that kind of security. He’d formed an opinion of how things should be and waited for her to fulfil his expectations.

He must be able to do better. To open his mind to ways of doing and being other than his own.

‘I know your dad wasn’t cuddly,’ he said, experimentally.

She gave a short laugh. ‘Neither of my parents were cuddly. Not even with each other. They wanted a child to be proud of; that was their minimum requirement. So long as I did well, they’d smile on me. If I disappointed them, they withdrew. They could give me the silent treatment for weeks at a time.’

‘Man,’ he said. ‘I’m not surprised that you craved affection enough to marry Ricky.’

Chapter Seventeen

For several beats, he thought she was going to ignore the comment. Then she sighed. ‘He certainly made me think he approved of me, in the early days. He was ten years older and yet he apparently fell for me like a ton of bricks and I didn’t question it. I just thought, “We’re in love! This is what everyone gets excited about. Now I’m an adult, I’m entitled.” As if it came with getting the vote or holding a driving licence.’

Careful not to push, he waited. Quiet. Giving her time. She’d only ever told him the bare facts about Ricky: that she’d met him during her masters’ year and married him before returning to her hometown of Bettsbrough. It hadn’t worked out. She’d sidestepped further questions by saying that she didn’t really want to talk about it, it was a horrible period in her life and she wanted to forget it.

Questions had often sent Elle into sullen silence. Or maybe it had been anxious silence, he acknowledged now. Maybe her parents had prompted her reserve, made her perpetually worried about saying the wrong thing.

She stirred. ‘I was young for my age. I’d got my degree at Keele and then switched to Manchester for my masters. I didn’t know anyone in Manchester so I found a place via the uni, sharing with a girl called Daisy. She was a bit of a room hermit but I made friends on my course, so I had people to go out with. After Keele, which is pretty rural, it seemed as if there were thousands of clubs and pubs in Manchester. I was ready to come out of my shell and I loved it.

‘The academic year had hardly started when I met Ricky in a nightclub. He DJed. Whether he was on the stage or on the dance floor, he always had a load of girls around him. It seemed “social proof” that he was really cool. When he began to pay me attention I couldn’t believe it. It was like being singled out by a prince, a triumph of epic proportions. We got close really quickly.’ She stopped.

---