Page 21 of Hot Summer's Prey

“A wave!” Anelisa.

“Not a kiss?” Dawn.

“A WAVE GOODBYE?” Zephyr.

They sound as incredulous as I feel. “I’ve never been this depressed after oral.”

“Cryptic Cove is tiny,” Zephyr says. “We’ll hunt him down, hold him at finger-gunpoint until he gives us answers.”

“Fuck that, I’ll overnight ship a gun so he knows we’re serious,” Anelisa threatens.

“Aw, thanks for offering attempted murder on my behalf, bestie, but I don’t want to scare him off more than I already did.”

“No way you did.”

“Whatever his problem is, it isn’t you,” Dawn adds.

“I think I know that,” I groan. “Intellectually. But my stupid fee-fees are hurt, and they don’t care how many years I’ve worked on not blaming myself when things go wrong, I still do. FUCK MEN. Ugh, I never go after men anymore because they’re always like this!”

“You’re not about to say women are simpler,” Zephyr laughs.

“They sure fucking are! At least women will tell you what’s going on in their heads when they have a problem.”

“We do not date the same type of women,” Zephyr cedes.

“I’m sorry that my type is emotionally available people,” I huff. “Which—again—WHY am I so into this guy?”

“Limerence is a bitch,” Dawn offers.

“I don’t need your vocabulary words right now,” I mourn. “Let me wallow in uneducated despair.”

“You’re not uneducated. I just have an overabundance of useless words in my brain. It’s an obsessive attachment to someone—honestly, it’s just a fancy word for a crush. Besides, I don’t know what any of those fancy dance words mean that you do.”

“Ugh. It does sound cooler than crush, though. Much more adult, I guess. Crush makes me feel like the dumb little girl who didn’t know why she had a crush on her best friend AND the annoying jock in middle school.”

“She was just getting bi,” Anelisa soothes.

“Don’t you pun at me, missy! I’m mourning!”

Everyone, including me, breaks into laughter. I’m being ridiculous and I know it. Having feelings like this in your thirties is weird. It’s overwhelming and complicated by all the tragedies of past relationships. Being swept up by a complete stranger like this feels so intoxicating and unusual that it sends you straight back to being a teenager. Most people I’ve dated have been through work—other dancers, or on the rare occasion, a techie—or people I hooked up with via an app and somehow things kind of worked out—until they didn’t.

Before I know it, everyone cuddles around me in a dogpile sort of hug. Friends. Even when you’re being ridiculous, they can see right under the defense mechanisms and know you just need some love.

“Who needs boys?” I sigh.

“Man, it would be so cool if we could just cut out the part of us that liked guys. What good is being bi or pan if you can’t pick and choose?” Zephyr consoles.

“Guess that’s one of the upsides to being demi,” Dawn says, trailing off. “It takes so much for me to even try to like someone, so usually they’re not nearly as frustrating. Though my problem is they’re either taken or already in love with someone else—when the rare occasion does pop up!”

“Love is so hard!” Anelisa groans. “At least we have each other.”

“I am not in love with the hottie with the dog. I’m just in—limerence.”

“Oooh, look at you, using your new vocab word already!” Dawn squeals happily.

“Do I get a gold star?”

“As soon as I steal a sheet from Taara.”

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