Page 117 of The Trials of Ophelia

“He made me swear I wouldn’t until it came to light naturally. One of his parameters.”

That was out of his control, then. I took a deep breath. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the bargain that had anger bubbling within me. Truthfully, I understood why he did it. I’d come to learn that sometimes secrets did not intend to burn you, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a small sting.

What flamed my anger was that Tolek already dealt with enough, shoving aside his own pain to shoulder more of mine each day. Here he was again, putting me before himself.

The confessions he’d shared about his father tore through me, the hurt he’d lived with for so long, it became a part of him. Tolek should be able to focus on healing his pain and seeing his own value, not pushing himself to the side or carrying more for my sake.

“I don’t want you to take on my burdens, Tol,” I whispered. “You shouldn’t have done that.”

“You shouldn’t have done it either,” he challenged. “Now we’re both tied to the fae.”

“I did that to save you,” I argued, giving in to the bait.

“And so did I.” He brushed a strand of hair behind my ear and cupped my cheek; though our tones were harsh and demanding, the subtle touch comforted me. Reminded me he was still my tether in the storm brewing between us. “You’re so busy trying to save everyone else, it’s going to get you killed. I couldn’t sit by and watch that happen. Not when I had an idea of something that might help you.”

“I could have called on Lancaster and invoked my own bargain. You didn’t need to commit yourself to him, too.” The fae were dangerous, their deals more so. What if he tricked Tolek? No, Tol was smarter than that, especially when it came to words. He would have sealed his debts without loopholes.

“I don’t have the weight of a clan on my shoulders or an ancient prophecy chasing me. Let me do these things, Alabath.” His breathing turned raspy, eyes harried. “Let me care for you and protect you so you live to see the end of this mess.”

Spirits, I wanted to. I wanted to fall into Tolek and allow him to shelter me from all of this damn chaos, but I didn’t want to harm him in the process.

“I—” I swallowed. “This entire mess we’re in is made of so many sharp edges.” I am made of sharp edges. “What if I put those in your hands and you bleed out because of it?”

“Then I gladly will because I love you!” His words rang through the cavern, along my bones in recognition. I love you. It wasn’t new information, but with the distress peaking his voice and the frantic grip of his hands on my shoulders, it felt raw and vulnerable all the same. “And you don’t have to say it back. I know I’ve felt it longer and you’re still healing. But I will happily slice myself up for you, Alabath. Don’t hide those pieces from me.”

With the way my head continued to spin, I wasn’t sure I would win this argument. It was one we’d continue to have, I assumed. Me trying to save him. Him trying to save me. It was a sweet sort of love, in a twisted way. Wanting to die for the other if you must.

But I did not want that for us. I longed for the peace Tolek made me believe in. The dawn on the horizon of this darkness we’d sunk into. We’d get there one day. We had to.

And once I was certain I wasn’t doing so out of distress or fear, I’d give those words back to him.

“What did you give him?” I asked, unsure if I truly wanted the answer.

“Well, I had to kiss him, which he was not thrilled about.” Tolek tilted his head, a smirk curling his lips and slicing through the tension. “Bit insulting, really. I didn’t mind, though.”

“I mind,” I snapped.

“Jealousy looks beautiful on you,” he joked, stroking the flush in my cheek. But I felt the blow before he delivered it, like it sucked all the air from the room. “He made me confess the task from the Angels.”

“You what?” I gasped, shoving up from the cot. The blanket fell to my feet. “We can’t trust them, Tolek! How could you hand over that information?”

“He’s sworn to secrecy, Alabath. He might be able to help us, but he is not allowed to share what I revealed. That was my stipulation.”

That was a small comfort. I reined in my anger, taking a breath. Of course Tol sealed the bargain. He wasn’t foolish.

“His queen is a master of trickery,” I said, scratching at my Curse scar. “What if she pulls it from his head somehow?”

“Then, so be it!” Tolek towered over me, his control snapping. “If I’m being quite honest, I could not care less about the Angels if it means you’re safe. I’m being entirely selfish, but I don’t give a fuck anymore. You’re focused on saving the damn continent and delivering the Angels what they asked? Fine. Let me be selfish and ensure you survive it because when the sun sets and the moon slips into its place night after night, you are the only thing that truly matters to me. It’s selfish of me, and I can admit that. I’ve never once claimed to be a perfect man, never once believed myself worthy of you, and if guarding your life is what sends me to the Spirit Realm, then so be it. I’ll be selfish for us both, and you’ll be okay.”

I was never going to believe my life was worth more than his. These disparities sliced a wound between us, and I needed to figure out how to repair it fully if we were going to survive this together.

Cupping his cheeks, I rose up onto my toes and pressed my mouth lightly to his. His hands wrapped around my back, hungry to get closer, but the kiss was soft and slow.

Then, I gave him the words I could offer when I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t put myself in danger. “Thank you, Tolek. Thank you for always taking care of me. For being selfish for me.”

“Ophelia.” He breathed my name like a prayer. One he’d been saying his entire life and only just realized someone was listening. That someone had answered. “I will always protect you.”

His hand tightened in my hair, and it was clear there was more plaguing him, but instead of sharing, he stepped back and grabbed my hand. “Come on. Let’s get you prepared to meet our new allies.”

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