Taking a deep breath, she straightens her back, stares at the blue razor, and throws it in the trash with more conviction that she truly feels. The simple act brings tears to her eyes, and she grabs the bottle of over-the-counter sleep aid to take quickly before brushing her teeth.
She slips into bed and closes her eyes. Kade Finely is gone. Out of her life. Turning onto her back, she reaches her arm out and feels the empty spot next to her. It's amazing how quickly she adjusted to sleeping next to someone in just five short months. They didn't spend many nights away from each other, and the bed feels cold and empty now.
"Were those nights apart the ones he spent with other women?" Jess asks into the dark. "Was he using the shampoo and razors he left at someone else's place the next morning instead of the ones he left here?"
And the sex. Her body had become accustomed to having sex regularly, and she feels the ache starting in her belly. She never desired anyone the way she desires Kade, and her hand slides across her stomach and toys with the hem of her shorts.
"It's not the same," she groans and keeps her hand still. "Unless he's with someone else, he'd probably come over if I called. Give me what I crave."
Her hand moves from her body to her phone on the nightstand. What could one night hurt? Pulling up his contact, she stares at the picture she set for him, and she knows one night can hurt a lot. It'll undo what little progress she's made, and she sets the phone back down.
"No. It might be just sex to him, but it would be so much more to me. It's not just getting off. Not for me, and I don't know that I can start this process of moving on again. Stay strong, Jess."
Hands on her head, she takes a few deep breaths. No, she won't call Kade. She won't ask him to help scratch an itch he caused because he created a bigger wound she's struggling to heal. Having him in her bed would do nothing but pour salt on it instead of finding ointment to relieve the ache.
Her phone rings, and she jumps. Her heart flutters, and she hates how she hopes he was thinking of her just then, too, and decided to call. To tell her how wrong he was, and that he wants to give them a real shot. But instead of Kade's face on the screen, she sees an unfamiliar number.
"Hello?"
"Jess?"
The voice takes her by surprise. "Lena?"
"You weren't sleeping, were you?"
Ha! She hasn't slept in weeks. The sleep aid has just started to kick in, so she might just sound a little buzzed. "Uh, no. How'd you get my number?"
"I know someone who knows someone who worked with you," she says. "I hope that's okay."
Would it change much if it wasn't? "Yeah, that's okay. Is everything alright?"
"Everything is great!" she exclaims. "I met someone."
Of course she did. She's basically a Kate Upton clone from the movie The Other Woman. It wouldn’t be hard for her to find someone new. Not like Jess. "Yeah?"
"Yeah, his name is Joe. He's super nice, and he's so hot. And the sex is amazing!"
Jess holds back a groan. The last person she had sex with was Kade, and she's starting to think sex deprivation is worse than sleep deprivation for her mental health. "That's nice."
How the hell did she become good enough friends to talk about sex with the woman she caught the man she's still madly in love with screwing in his kitchen? This can't be normal. Maybe she does need a therapist.
"That's kind of why I'm calling."
"To make sure I'm not also seeing him?" Jess jokes.
Lena laughs, and Jess wishes for her nonchalance. "No! I went through his phone, and you're not in it. He and I went to a party last night, and I met his friends. One of his high school friends is single, and he seems really nice."
Uh oh. "Lena, I appreciate-"
"He's never been married, but he wants to marry one day. He's just over six feet tall, blond hair, green eyes, and he has a beard. Not a gross one. It's well-kept and burly. Very sexy."
"How old is he?"
"Thirty-five."
Thirty-five and never married? "Do you know when his last relationship was?"
"Two years ago. They were together for four years, and he wanted to get married. She didn't, and that's what broke things off. I think he said they still keep in touch, but she's over in Australia with her new boyfriend. Or maybe he said Austria. Some country that starts with an A. It was kind of loud at the bar."