Page 27 of Revenge Cake

I’m almost sick with dread.

I stare at my long, stringy damp hair in the mirror on my door, trying to decide what I should do with it. “Should I dress up?” I ask Logan as I look at him through the mirror. He glances up from his phone, his long body stretched across my bed. He stares at me blankly for a few seconds as if processing my question. “No,” he eventually scoffs. “My parents aren’t like that. I’m surprised we’re even going out. We usually just order pizza to their hotel. They must be trying to impress you.”

Great. Which means they have high expectations of me too, and I’m destined to let them down. Parents don’t like girls like me, and I can’t blame them for it. I can’t even fulfill their surprisingly low expectations. All parents really want is a girl who’s an easy hang. Someone who smiles and tells stories. Someone who can tease grandpa when he cracks open his third Budweiser at Thanksgiving dinner. I’ve never been able to do any of that. I just sit and stare awkwardly at grandpa, and everyone else at the table, and parents secretly hate me for it. Why can’t our son just date a normal girl? is what they’re always thinking.

“What should I expect?” I ask, trying to make the question sound lighthearted, but I can’t keep the strain from my voice.

Logan doesn’t seem to notice my distress. He keeps his eyes fixed on his phone as he says, “My mom tells the same three stories every time she meets any of my friends. The one I hate the most is the story about how it was her dream to have children. She thinks it’s so funny too. God, it’s so stupid. She’ll talk about how she had two failed rounds of IVF before she finally had Lauren and me. She was thirty-six and had waited her whole life to be a mom. She says when she held us in her arms she thanked God he chose her to be our mother. Until Lauren became a teenager and she said, ‘Is it too late to send them back? Can I still safely surrender a fifteen-year-old at a fire station?’ Ha ha.”

Apprehension churns my stomach. “Will I be expected to laugh at that?”

He lifts his head, smiling warmly as he meets my eyes. “Only you would ask that question. I love that you aren’t even capable of laughing at something you don’t find funny.”

I swallow. “Logan, you only love it because we’re alone. I don’t think you want me to embarrass you in front of your parents.”

My social awkwardness won’t be cute anymore. He’ll see the real consequences—the never-ending pauses and blank stares.

I dread his disappointment the most.

He smiles fully, his bare abs flexing as he leans forward and hops from the bed. His eyes meet mine in the mirror as he walks behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He plants a kiss on my cheek before meeting my eyes again. “Nope. I’m actually looking forward to the moment you annihilate her with your intense eye contact and give-zero-fucks bluntness. It will make my night. And Lauren’s too. Seriously.”

I try to smile back but I can’t muster it. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.

He lifts his hands to my shoulders and gives them a tight squeeze. “You’re so tense! I’ve never seen you this nervous before. It’s kind of cute.” His pale green eyes grow intent. “You must really like me if you want to impress my parents this much.”

“I won’t impress them. I can guarantee that. I’m awkward with parents and kids. So, I’ll fail with Cadence too.”

“You seriously have no reason to be nervous. My dad is the chillest guy ever.” Under his breath, he adds, “He has no choice being married to my mom.”

When I bite the inside of my lip, he smiles sympathetically. “She’s fine though. She’s only an asshole to her children. And Lauren much more so than me. And no one will notice if you aren’t good with kids, because they aren’t either. Not even Lauren. I’m the only one who ever actually talks to Cadence or plays with her, but I’ll make it a point not to show you up tonight if it worries you.”

I give him a small smile. “You’re being really sweet.”

He smiles back, holding my stare in the mirror. Suddenly, his face grows serious. “Oh, and I guess I should tell you now… My parents think you’re my girlfriend.” He must see the change in my face when he raises his hands from my shoulders in a gesture of defense. “I didn’t tell them you were my girlfriend. They just assumed it.”

At my skeptical look, his dark brows snap together. “Why wouldn’t they? You’re with me almost every time my mom calls, even at night. And I didn’t correct her because I barely ever get a word in during her rants—as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Don’t look at me like I’m being sneaky. You’re the weird one. It’s weird that we spend this much time together and you’re not my girlfriend.”

“I don’t want to get into this argument again.”

“Of course you don’t.” The words are clipped.

“Logan,” I say, my voice pleading. “I’m really nervous about meeting your parents, and especially your mom. Can you just give me a break?”

His eyes soften. “Sure. And you have nothing to worry about. She’s not nearly as bad as I’ve made it sound. When she’s in a good mood, she’s totally fine. And she’s a legitimately fun hang when she’s drunk. That reminds me—we need to keep her wine glass full tonight.”

“And mine,” I add with a strangled voice.

“Oh yeah. Drink those fears away. Seriously.” He lifts his hands to my shoulders and gives them a squeeze. “My parents are totally cool with drinking. And weed too since it’s been legal.” He glances around the room. “Shit, that reminds me. Armaan got Lauren some dark chocolate from the dispensary. He was really adamant about me not forgetting to give it to her. We’re going to have to swing by my apartment first.”

***

Logan

She’s so quiet on the drive to the restaurant, I can almost feel her nervousness radiating from the passenger seat.

I’ve never understood social anxiety. There are plenty of real things to worry about, like going on academic probation or Trump starting a nuclear war. Why focus your anxiety on something as trivial as a dinner date? What’s the worst thing that can happen? I could never say these things to Lani without sounding like an asshole, so I’ve tried my best to be empathetic.

But when you look at it, I have much more at stake than she does. I don’t give a shit what my parents think of her, so she has nothing to lose if she fails to impress them, but what will I do if she announces to the table with her usual bluntness that she isn’t my girlfriend? And more importantly, what will it mean?

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