Page 56 of Revenge Cake

Things have only gotten worse between us. I’m now one-hundred percent convinced that she’s taking way too much Ativan. I’ve barely spoken to her in the last month, even though we’re almost constantly together, and we haven’t had sex in two.

I have no idea how to fix it, and I’m starting to wonder if it even can be fixed.

No. Don’t go there. You love her. Things are just tough right now.

Thank god I’ve had Keira to talk me through all of this. We still meet regularly on campus, and we’ve been texting a lot too.

“It’s too good to waste,” I say. “Armaan’s older brother brewed them in his garage. There was only one left last I checked. Should I grab it for you?”

Her nose wrinkles. “Would you think less of me if I said I don’t like beer?”

“Yes.”

I wince when she punches me on the shoulder. “You’re the worst!” she shouts.

“Yeah, but you love me anyway.” I feel a pang of guilt when she smiles affectionately. Half-consciously, I take a step back and scan my eyes around the crowd. I shouldn’t have left Leilani alone, but fuck if I don’t deserve a moment of peace. A break from babysitting her.

I don’t spot her, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t somewhere nearby. She disappears at parties, shrinking into crowds and hiding in plain sight. Even before she started taking so much Ativan, she seemed faraway in a crowd, staring instead of smiling, looking at her phone instead of talking. The complete opposite of the girl in front of me.

“You never told me what you thought of Aquaman,” Keira says. My cheeks heat. She’s always asking me about what I think about things, always interested in my opinions. I would feel like a fraud if she didn’t seem so riveted by my inarticulate answers. I ought to feel guilty for how much that eager smile makes me want to…

But I don’t. I haven’t had a real conversation with Leilani in months. It’s perfectly natural that I would be drawn to this beautiful girl who hangs on to my every word. I’d be crazy if I wasn’t.

“I loved it!” I yell over the murmur of voices around me. “Like, it’s campy as shit, but it owns it, you know?” She grins as she nods frantically, like she knows exactly what I mean. “I fucking love movies like that. It reminds me of the old school superhero movies, like Tim Burton’s Batman. Have you ever—”

“Yikes.” Keira winces, leaning to the side to look at something. The shriek of a familiar giggle sends a chill down my spine. When I jerk around, I finally see her. She’s only a few feet away, wiping red liquid from some dude’s stomach with the sleeve of her cream-colored sweater, laughing like a maniac. When I glance back at Keira, she’s frowning sympathetically.

Without any prelude, I march over to Leilani. She looks startled when I grip her arm, but then she smiles lazily, her eyelids heavy. “Jeffrey, here, wanted to try my Merlot, but I decided to give him a more complete sensory experience.”

More than anything else, I’m shocked she was able to say such a long sentence. Her speech is so thick, the words should have all slushed together. I glance at the dude next to us, who’s smiling uncomfortably. Jeffrey. I would bet that last home-brewed IPA that he introduced himself as Jeff. “I don’t think Jeffrey appreciates you ruining his shirt.”

She shakes her head slowly. “It’s postmodern. I’ve made him my palette.” She turns to Jeffrey, smiling up at him from under her long lashes. “He feels honored. Right, Jeffrey?”

When I glance back at Jeffrey, I’m surprised to see that he’s looking at me. And that awkward smile… I know what it means. The sorry, bro smile. I’m sorry your girlfriend is such a hot mess that she’s flirting with me right in front of you. Just another confirmation that she doesn’t see me anymore. She can flirt sloppily with this douchey looking frat boy, but she’ll give nothing to me. Within minutes after we walk through her front door, she’ll be passed out and snoring, and I’ll be left to entertain myself with porn on my phone and my right hand, resisting the urge to slip my left under the blankets for just one brief touch of the soft, warm flesh of her bare ass, feeling like a fucking creep for even thinking of it.

Suddenly, Leilani stumbles into Jeffrey. He wraps his arms around her to keep her from falling to the ground, shooting me another apologetic look afterward. I only roll my eyes as I reach my arms out and grip her by the waist. Just as I start to pull her away, she wraps her arms around Jeffrey and presses her head into his chest. She slurs something so quiet and imprecise, I’m surprised I’m even able to make out the words, but I can, and the rage that flares makes my ears ring.

“Take me home,” she said. I know she did.

I tighten my grip on her waist and yank her away. She stumbles and giggles while I drag her around the house, searching for a private place. By the time I pull her into the empty bedroom, she’s barely able to stand.

She sways as she stares at me. “Are you going to spank me?” she slurs.

“No. Wait here while I go find Armaan, and by that I mean don’t fucking leave this room.”

She smiles lazily. “I like it when you take charge.”

The look in her eyes makes me cringe in revulsion. She doesn’t even look drunk. This look is different. Frightening somehow. Her eyes are faraway, even as they focus on my face, like a ghost inhabiting two worlds at once.

“We’re leaving now.”

She nods, but it looks like it takes effort. I turn and walk toward the door, but then stop. When I turn back, she’s swaying even more than before. “You’re a fucking shitshow.”

Her head shoots up, and her body straightens, as if my words summoned her from the other world into this one. She must have heard the disgust in my voice. I couldn’t hide it. She looks sad and a little disillusioned, but it doesn’t stop me from turning around and walking out the door.

My conscience is clean by the time I find Keira. “So, turns out I’m going to have to leave early,” I say. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I think my girlfriend’s a little drunk.”

Her sad, caring smile almost makes me forget what I’ll have to deal with later.

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