Page 74 of Sin

“Oh. My. God.” I place both hands on my burning cheeks. “Do you hear yourself? You’re making this all about you.”

His expression softens. “I’m not, Lily.” He reaches out his hand and strokes my hair. “You’ve been suffering alone, and it kills me. You don’t have to. You have people… People who love you. Let them take the burden, if only for a while. I can deal with Mason, not because you aren’t capable of doing it, but because you shouldn’t have to.”

His words warm me against my better judgment. I have people who love me, he said. Not him. Just people in general.

A tear falls down my cheek, but I quickly wipe it away. “It doesn’t matter. You promised that you would let me handle this. I thought your promises meant something.”

His expression grows pained. “Yes, I broke a promise, but there wasn’t another option, sassy girl. I couldn’t stand there and let him say ugly things about you. Not after what he did.”

His use of my nickname usually makes my stomach flutter, but not in this moment. He’s saying it to coddle me. I’m acting like an overly emotional woman, in his eyes. Too worked up to know what’s good for me.

I take a step back, and Ethan’s hand falls to his side. He looks bewildered, hurt, but I can’t let him get off easily. I need a man who sees me as an equal, who respects my wishes even when he doesn’t agree with them.

“You don’t care about me,” I say. “This was all about you.”

As soon as the words are out, I want to suck them back in. Ethan flinches as if I struck him, his face growing pale.

It wasn’t fair to say that. He’s one of the most caring people I know. But why couldn’t he keep his promise? I’ve come to rely on his steadiness, his predictability.

Ethan’s eyes darken, the hurt quickly transforming into anger. “How dare you say I don’t care about you.” The words are quiet. “Yes, I broke a promise, and I would do it again. I defend the people I care about, because that’s who I am. If you can’t handle it, then this thing between us won’t work.”

A sharp pain cuts into my chest, and a burning sensation blooms behind my eyes.

How like Ethan to draw a line in the sand, to present an ultimatum. He’s forcing me to choose. It’s his way or the highway.

I lift my chin, meeting his gaze. “If that’s how you see it, then maybe you’re right. Maybe this won’t work.”

Ethan’s face crumples. His eyes search mine desperately, like a drowning man reaching out for a lifeline. His lips part, but no words come out.

The silence stretches, heavy and suffocating.

My heart cracks in my chest, splitting in two. One part of me screams to wrap my arms around him, to say I forgive him. But the other part—the part that’s grown stronger over these last few weeks—refuses to waver. I won’t be pushed into a corner. I’ll never let a man force me to do anything ever again.

I swallow hard, forcing back the tears that threaten to spill. “Goodbye, Ethan.”

I turn and walk away. As I leave him behind, the tears finally break free and stream down my face. My chest tightens, the ache of leaving him nearly unbearable. But I keep moving, determined to find my own strength, even if it means walking away from the man I love.

I do love him. It’s only now that he’s forced my hand that I see it. This wonderful man treats me like a precious jewel, but he also wants to guard me like a dragon. Use his strict morality as an excuse to lock me in a box.

I won’t allow it, even though my heart is shattering. I refuse to be caged, however sweet his care and coddling might be. I’m on the path to reclaiming the wild and free girl I once was, and damn it, I won’t let anyone get in the way.

Chapter Thirty

Ethan

Her retreating form grows gradually smaller, each step taking her farther away from me. Why does it look like the whole world is leaching of color, dimming dull gray?

Panic grips my chest. I want to call out to her, to make her stop, but the words stick in my throat.

She made a choice. She doesn’t want me. Not the real me, at least. I’ve already given up so much. I’ve even grown to accept that God has abandoned me. But I refuse to give up my soul for her.

This dim, colorless world is hell, but it’s nothing new, is it? This is the existence I knew before her. All monotonous routine.

When she came into my world, she lit the whole thing up. Her presence was a flame, bringing light and heat to the darkest corners of my life. Now, the fire is dying, the cold seeping back in. I want to escape it. To capture her fire and keep it with me forever.

But how can I back down? I meant it when I said that this is who I am. I can’t let injustice go unpunished. I can’t undergo a personality transplant just to make her happy.

Is this you, God? Are you finally speaking to me, punishing me for my sins? If you are, you’ve gone too far. It feels as if the very essence of me is unraveling, thread by thread.

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