Page 81 of Sin

Who cares about standing up for what you believe in? If it means losing the woman I love, what is it even worth?

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry for what I said. You don’t have to think about anyone but yourself. It’s not your responsibility to take care of Mason’s victims, assuming there even are more. That’s on us. The people who…” I swallow. “The people who love you.”

Life sparks in her eyes, and my heart starts to pound. I sit for what feels like an eternity waiting for her to respond.

“You’re such a good person,” she finally says, and my stomach plummets.

Not the response I was hoping for, but then again, it was a rather weak confession of love. In fact, it sounded almost familial. Like she’s just one of the many people I love. Not the heartbeat that keeps me alive.

“I’m not a good person,” I say. “I’m just a try-hard. Inside, I’m weak. I know what’s right, but it takes all my willpower to do it. I’ve realized that because of you. The reason I’m so…fucking uptight is because I’m not good on my own. Unlike you.” Unable to help myself, I reach out and stroke the fine strands of hair around her temple. “You’re good all on your own.”

She snorts. “I didn’t take you for a bullshitter, but then again, you’ve probably decided that making me feel better for being such a self-absorbed asshole is worth telling a lie. What good do I actually do? I have no principles.”

I shut my eyes, remorse washing over me. “What good do you do? People like me would live a joyless existence without firecrackers like you. You bring good to the world just by being yourself. Your energy, your passion, it lifts everyone around you, especially me. You make the world more vibrant, more alive.”

“That’s really sweet, Ethan.” Her voice is small, choked.

If she starts crying, I won’t be able to contain myself. I’ll have to take her in my arms. Hell, I might even carry her into my house and up to my room. Our room. Where she belongs.

She turns to me, and those stormy-gray eyes are full of pain, but there are no tears, which is somehow even worse. “What good is any of that if I’m selfish?” She shakes her head. “You were right. By staying silent, I could potentially hurt other people.”

I flinch. “No. I already told you, it’s not on you to?—”

“Who else could do it?” She raises her voice. “Who else could make Mason face consequences but a person he hurt?” Her lips quiver, and her gaze falls to her lap. “I hurt you too. The most wonderful man I know.”

“Lily.” Her name is a plea on my lips.

She turns to me and sets her hand on my cheek, and I lean into the touch. “We’ll talk soon. I have to fix this first. I’m determined.”

“What do you mean?—”

My heart jumps into my throat when her hand slips away and she opens the car door. I want to shout at her to come back. To tell her I love her and beg her to never leave me.

She shuts the door, and the chance is gone.

In a frenzy, I yank out my phone and pull up Brandon’s name. I need my brother right now. Someone who knows me. Who can anchor me.

I follow Brandon out of the kitchen and onto the balcony. Under the dim glow of the patio lights, he strides over to the outdoor fridge. He pulls out a beer, pops the lid, and promptly sits at the glass table beside me.

“You look like hell,” he says.

I snort. “Yeah, I don’t know if you heard, but I punched my own quarterback yesterday. In front of an entire stadium.”

Sarcasm, of course. He and my sister-in-law, Mariana, were in that stadium. He’s been calling me nonstop since it happened.

Brandon’s mouth grows tense, as if he’s fighting a smile. “The first thing Mari said when it happened was that the dude deserved it. She said she doesn’t know what he said to you, but she knows he deserved it.”

I huff. “He did, but it might have cost me my whole career. I made myself look like a deranged menace in front of scouts. What team wants to take on a liability like that?”

Brandon’s eyes narrow. “Tell me if I’m wrong, but I get the impression that you’re not as upset about what the scouts saw as you’re letting on. In fact, I don’t think that’s why you wanted to see me tonight. I think you want to talk about the girl who has driven you crazy for years.”

Brandon’s gaze is piercing, and I struggle to keep my expression neutral. He knows me well, but I wasn’t expecting him to get to the heart of my troubles so quickly.

I run my fingers through my hair and grip it tightly, sending tingles into my scalp. “I love her. I also… I lost my virginity to her.”

“I thought that might happen,” he says immediately, making me jerk back in my seat.

“You did?” I ask, incredulity making my head fuzzy. “You must know me a lot better than I know myself. I thought for sure I would save myself for my future wife. In fact, I thought that up until the moment I made the impulsive decision to have sex with Lily. The worst part is, I don’t feel any guilt. I’d do it all over again if I had the chance.”

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