Page 83 of Sin

I take a deep breath, a sense of determination raging like a fire within me. I can fix this. It’s time to let go of my old ways, to embrace a new path. I’ll show Lily that I’m not inflexible, that I’m willing to change because she’s worth it.

She’s worth everything.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Lily

Ethan: I just had a huge realization. I need to talk to you. To apologize.

My chest fills with warmth as I read the text again. I’ve pulled it out and looked at it so many times, though I haven’t been able to give Ethan a meeting time yet.

I have unfinished business, and I just completed one piece of it. I told Noah what Mason did to me.

Noah stands in front of me grimacing, his jaw clenched so tight it looks like it might crack. He starts to pace my bedroom, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I’m going to kill him.”

I don’t even have the slightest urge to snap at him like I did so many times at Ethan when he said similar things. God, I was selfish. How would I have felt if I learned that someone close to me had done something so despicable to a person I love? I’d want to kill them too.

I tried to put a lock on Ethan’s emotions because I wasn’t ready to confront my own. I’ve never been good at dealing with hard things. I usually seek distraction instead. Turns out, this is a pain far too deep for that. The only way to heal from this is to face it head-on.

Which is why I invited Noah over here today. It wasn’t easy sharing my story for the second time. Certain details seemed to be too much for him. When I told him about how Mason called me crazy the morning after the rape, he looked ready to punch a wall. But even with Noah’s volatile temper, my heart is a little lighter.

Sharing is good. It takes away the power of the secret.

“Lily…” Noah’s eyes fill with pain and anger. “Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve been living with that piece of shit. I could have moved out months ago. I could have beaten him to a pulp.” He shakes his head. “You should have told me.”

Irritation flares in my chest, even though I know Noah’s anger isn’t really directed at me. What a contrast to the way Ethan reacted though. He didn’t try to make me feel guilty for keeping my secret locked away. He was all gentle steadiness, like a lighthouse guiding a ship through a storm.

“You can’t let him get away with this,” Noah says. “That broken nose isn’t enough.”

“That’s actually why I invited you over. Can you arrange a meeting with Coach Rodriguez?”

Noah’s eyes widen. “You’re going to try to get him kicked off the team, aren’t you?” A grin spreads across his face. “That would be like death to Mason. His dumb ass doesn’t even know he’s not that good of a quarterback. He’s destined for high school coaching, not the NFL. But this could kill all his career prospects. No one wants to hire a rapist, and if we take this story to the university news center?—”

I raise a hand. “One thing at a time. This isn’t about punishing Mason. It’s about making sure he doesn’t hurt anyone again. It’s also…” I take a deep breath. “Noah, I need to show Ethan how sorry I am. You heard how I raged at him after the game, and he didn’t do anything wrong. I need to make sure the coach understands why he hit Mason.”

Noah’s grin dissolves in an instant, replaced by a scowl. “I can’t believe you’re worried about him. He doesn’t deserve anything. He used you. And he lied to me.”

It takes all my willpower to keep my eyes from rolling. My dear older brother feels so much younger than me sometimes. “Do you hear yourself? You think Ethan Harrington used me? It’s about as ridiculous as Jesus opening an OnlyFans. You’re just pissed off because you feel left out. We kept a secret from you. You felt like Ethan belonged to you—” I shoot him a cheeky smile “—but it turns out he really belongs to me.”

Except maybe he doesn’t. He never made any long-term commitment to me, but I can’t think about that now.

I’ll channel Ethan’s mindset, putting the greater good ahead of my own selfish concerns.

Noah grimaces. “You make it sound like I want to fuck my best friend. I’m pissed off because I thought he always told the truth. Turns out I don’t even know him.”

“You do know him. It’s because of his integrity that he kept my secret from you. I made him promise, and Ethan doesn’t take his promises lightly.”

It’s only after the words are out that the truth of them fully hits me. Ethan only broke his promise to keep out of the situation with Mason because there was no other way. He had to protect me, because I wasn’t willing to protect myself.

Noah sighs heavily. “Maybe I’m being childish. I guess I need to think more about it.”

“Please do,” I say firmly. “Ethan would be heartbroken if he lost your friendship.”

Noah’s eyelids flutter. “God, you two being so lovey-dovey is going to be annoying.”

His words make my heart skitter, but I can’t get ahead of myself. Ethan and I still have so much to resolve. We both said so many things in anger. Would he even want a relationship with someone who doesn’t share his moral code?

I can’t think about that right now. I have to deal with the situation with Mason, regardless of the outcome.

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