Page 25 of Crossed Up

“That’s it, angel. Use me however you need to. Can you try to copy my breathing, Lyla? I’m worried you’ll hyperventilate if we can’t calm you down.”

It takes every bit of my focus, but I manage to do as he says and match my breaths to his. He’s so much larger than me that I can’t possibly breathe in for as long as he does, but it’s the trying that gets my heart rate to decline.

I’m not sure how long we stand wrapped around each other in the tiny guest bathroom, but it’s long enough that my breathing finally returns to normal, and sounds from the party start to float in around us.

A soft knock on the door startles me, but Aidan doesn’t loosen his hold as a familiar head of curly brown hair pokes in.

“Hey guys,” Rhodes says gently. “Wren is herding everybody outside, so don’t worry about rushing out to entertain.” His eyes scan me slowly before meeting mine with an understanding I’m not surprised to see from him.

Wren and Rhodes may not know exactly what happened to me back in Maryland, but Rhodes is perceptive and nosy as hell, so I’m positive he knows more than he should. Maybe even more than his fiancé. Normally, that might bother me, but I’m finding that more often than not, I’ve been grateful for his compassion and empathy.

After briefly checking with Aidan, he steps the rest of the way into the bathroom and sets a cold water bottle on the sink before hovering a careful hand above my shoulder. “You alright, Ly?”

I can’t find it in me to be embarrassed when my body is shaking so hard I’m practically being held up by his best friend, my boss. So, rather than offer him false platitudes, I shrug with a shaky smile. The expression is minute compared to the smiles these men so freely offer, but it’s genuine, and that’s the best I can do right now.

Rhodes nods, but I can still see the concern shining in his eyes. “I’ll go help Wren hold down the fort. Text me if you need anything.”

Aidan lets out a sigh when the door shuts again, releasing one hand from the strands of my hair to open the water and hand it to me. “Little sips for now, angel. We don’t want you getting sick when your adrenaline dumps.”

The bridge of my nose burns at the gentleness in his voice. He witnessed me in one of my worst moments, and he’s not running for the hills or making an awkward excuse to leave.

There’s no way this man is real. He’s too much like one of the heroes in those romance books Wren keeps making me buddy-read with her. Is he just biding his time like Sebastian did? Will I see a different side of him if I agree to accompany him this weekend?

He keeps one thick arm wrapped around my upper back as he pulls a white washcloth off a small shelf above the sink. Flipping the still-running water to warm, he waits for it to come to temperature before wetting the cloth.

With methodical movements, he wrings it out and brings it to my face, gently wiping under my eyes and nose before making a quick swipe over my forehead.

Green collides with blue when my eyes snap to his in awe.

Seriously, who wrote this man?

I’ve always struggled with anxiety, but whenever Sebastian caught me having an “episode,” he would steer clear until I got over myself. His words, not mine. There’s no way in hell he ever would have held me through it or cleaned me up afterward when I was covered in snot and tears.

“You alright, Lyla? You checked out on me again.”

With a long sigh, I crash my head back to his chest, inhaling the scent that’s uniquely him. “I was thinking about life before I came here and how much of a miracle you and Crew are.”

Aidan stiffens slightly beneath me. Not enough that I think he’s uncomfortable, but enough to let me know that I’m probably going to have to come clean to him about why I’m here and soon. His next words confirm it, the gentle care with which he says them bringing fresh tears to my eyes.

“Angel… I don’t know what happened to you back home, but please know I’m here if or when you’re ready to talk about it.”

I nod against his chest, but a pit forms in my stomach when I think about telling him what happened. When I think about admitting to this perfect man how ashamed I still am that I allowed myself to get into that situation and allowed myself to stay for so long.

It’s only a matter of time before Sebastian comes looking for me. And I don’t know if I could live with myself if Aidan or Crew got caught in the crossfire.

11

AIDAN

Lyla’s whispered confession blares like a foghorn through my mind even hours later, and it has giddiness and anger fighting for dominance in my chest.

She and Wren are currently set up at a table in our backyard, painting the remaining kids’ faces into different animals. Their squeals of joy bring a smile to my face where I’m sitting with a beer by the pool.

I’ve been nursing the same drink since just after we emerged from the bathroom two hours ago, but my mind has been racing too much to even enjoy it. Throwing a surprise party was clearly the wrong move on my part, and I feel like a class-A jackass for not thinking to check with her first.

For fuck’s sake, Rhodes flat-out told me she had likely been through something traumatic, and here I am tossing her into a room full of strangers with no warning.

The only saving grace here is that after a half hour of reassuring words and co-regulation, Lyla seemed to come out of the panic attack relatively okay. The second she was steady on her feet, her focus turned to Crew and making sure he had a great party, so I left her to clean up and finally greeted our guests.

---