Page 92 of Revenge

“I just wanted to let you both know I’ve made you something light to eat since it’s a few hours to dinner.” She looks at me.

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Mary. But I want to take a shower before Niko wakes for his next feeding.”

“Of course.” I start walking to my old bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Viktor stops me.

“The guest room. I imagined it would be my bedroom.”

“Your things are in our bedroom.”

“You must be out of your goddamned mind if you think I’m going to sleep in your bed after Fiona?—”

“Fiona has never slept in our bed.” He emphasizes it like I’m supposed to believe him. Like it’s going to make a difference, we’re too far gone. We stare at each other for a long time in silence.

“I don’t trust you,” I finally say with a sigh. “What makes you think I’ll believe anything you say? I agree to stay in the mansion, only if you know where we stand. We aren’t together. We will co-parent but nothing else.” He closes the gap in two steps.

“You are mine.”

His lips are close to mine. My breath catches. He’s about to kiss me when Niko’s wailing breaks through the haze. I’m grateful for Niko’s cry. I know I’m unable to resist what Viktor and I have. Another second together, and I might have caved.

“I have to go.” I turn and leave before he has a chance to say something or, worse, kiss me.

I’m exhausted beyond reason. I can barely keep my eyes open between feeding Niko every two hours and being overwhelmed by memories of Viktor and me. Being in this house isn’t helping either, every corner holds a memory of what we used to be. While Niko is sleeping, I take the opportunity to shower. As I’m drying my hair Aisling’s cry stops me. I don’t move since it’s not my place, but she doesn’t stop, and my heart is aching. I leave my bedroom and go to hers trying to convince myself that the last thing I need is for her to wake Niko. I open the door and see the nanny who’s flustered again. She jumps when she notices me.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I say, entering the bedroom.

“It’s okay, Ms. O’Brien. She’s been a fussy baby since I started a month ago, but lately it seems to have gotten worse.”

I don’t know much about motherhood, yet I feel like she needs a mother’s touch. I take Aisling from her and walk to the glider.

“You can go and have dinner. I’ll stay with her.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you.” The nanny gives me a small smile and I can tell she’s grateful for what I said.

“It’s fine.” I sit and start rocking as the nanny leaves. “Aisling, what do you need, sweetheart?”

She opens her eyes wide like she understands me. Suddenly I’m overwhelmed, and without thinking I start breastfeeding her. The door opens, and Viktor walks in. I find myself feeling a sense of panic, I’m doing something I probably shouldn’t. But I can’t explain it, I have to but I’m not sure how Viktor will react.

“I’m sorry Viktor, I?—”

“Please don’t stop or apologize.” He pulls a chair to sit beside me. “You have no idea how beautiful you look. You’re an amazing woman and mother.”

We sit in silence as I feed Aisling. I have a connection with her I don’t understand, an overwhelming feeling like she’s mine. She feels like a part of me. I burp her, lay her in her bassinet and take a step back and look at her.

“I don’t understand it, but I feel so connected to her. It’s an unexplainable pull. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to breastfeed her,” I finally tell him.

“You don’t need to apologize. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Aisling has the warmth of a mother, even if it’s for just a moment. Fiona has never been that for her.”

It breaks my heart, but in an instant, I know what I want to do.

“Would it be okay if her bassinet is moved to my bedroom along with Niko? I want them both close to me.”

“You don’t have to do that. I didn’t bring you home to take care of Aisling.” I take a deep breath. I want to tell him this is not my home, but it’s not the time.

“I want her bassinet moved along with Niko’s.” This time I order.

I start walking to my bedroom to make room for both of them. I move anything obstructing both sides of my bed. Minutes later, Angus, Oliver, and Viktor come in with Aisling and her bassinet.

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