Page 44 of All of You

“Don’t worry. Let’s go to bed.” After standing up, I grabbed my phone and moved around the ottoman one way so he could go the other.

He stood there looking completely disoriented, his eyes searching the couch, the floor, the coffee table.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he said, looking at me with tired eyes.

I hid the smile, but reached for his hand and guided him past the ottoman and toward the door to his room.

He followed obediently, shuffling along as if still asleep. He must have been just partly awake, because he appeared confused. “This is your room, too?”

“No, honey. This is your room. I’m helping you get to bed so you don’t get lost,” I said, letting out the small chuckle I couldn’t hold back.

“That’s nice. You’re so nice.” He slumped onto the bed then inched up to set his head on the pillow, his eyes closed the whole time. He tucked one arm under the pillow. The other, he pulled in to his chest.

“Do you want to put on pajamas?” I asked, no longer able to stifle my laughing at his delirious state.

He cracked one eye open, then the other. He blinked like he was trying to clear his vision, or to see me better. I sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.

“You okay?” I asked quietly, the late hour making everything feel slow and silent.

He reached out a hand and touched my ear, ran his fingertips over my shoulder and down my arm.

“Mercy, you’re beautiful.”

His arm fell still, his eyes closing before I could respond, and his chest rose and fell with the deep breathing of sleep.

I gritted my teeth against the regret that this was all becoming too much, the longing for it to be more, and a thin tendril of hope that it could be what my heart seemed to know it wanted swirled in my mind as I got up from the bed. But no way could I not to return the sentiment, even if he was already asleep.

“You are, too.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Ben

Ispent the day alone.

For the record, I spent the night alone, too, even though it surprised me how my sleep-state honesty serum hadn’t driven me to beg Whit to curl up next to me, stay with me, to let me pull her close and bury my face in her hair.

I was weak for her. Looking at her from across a room threw me off-balance, literally. Being within ten feet scrambled my brain so much, I could hardly hold a conversation lately. Sometime in the last few weeks, my relationship with her had become less casual, more friendly, attracted-but-not-acting-on-it and more wretched without her, attached.

It wasn’t out of sight, out of mind. She wasn’t ever out of my thoughts. It felt like, whether I liked it or not, she carried around a piece of me that was constantly aware of or thinking about what she was doing.

So a day alone? Bring it.

I slept like the dead and woke to find a message from Whit on my phone that said she’d be out until the late afternoon, that we had a cocktail hour event that evening, and that I should call her with questions.

Part of me wanted to call just to hear that voice, the rich, melodic sound that made my blood race through my veins. But I didn’t. A day away from her, even though I’d spent weeks away from her at this point, would be good.

It wasn’t like she’d never heard she was beautiful. I’d made my thoughts on that clear ever since the beginning, but it was that you are, too that came after, the one I wasn’t completely sure I hadn’t hallucinated, that undid me.

And okay, I’d also concede that the dreams that followed had been incredibly sweet.

But it was more than just that moment. When she’d turned around and wrapped her arms around me, I could have sworn she’d missed me like I had her. I would have placed a bet on the fact that she’d felt that same swirling mix of joy, desire, and relief as we’d hugged each other tight.

And when I’d admitted that I had no idea what to do with myself, my life, my future, she hadn’t pitied me. She hadn’t seemed to need to prescribe a fix for me like Bridge had when I’d mentioned it at Thanksgiving—she just had faith in me.

It was kind of staggering, coming from her, this super power of determination and achievement.

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