Page 79 of All of You

I frowned. “Thanks.”

“You’re burning that candle at both ends, my friend. You’ve got to sleep tonight and every night until the show, okay?” She flipped the brush over a finger and slid it back into her makeup tool belt, much the way an old gunslinger might have done his pistol.

“I know. I’m not trying to, but it has been insane. And the only time I’ve been able to have with Ben is late. So it’s not a bad thing he’s not here ’til Saturday.” I inspected my hands in my lap, hoping she wouldn’t see how pathetic I was, missing a man I’d seen less than twenty-four hours ago.

“Aw, honey. That happens when you’re in love. You’ll get through it to the sweet part—past the tortured part, and he’ll be here with you for Sunday, which is perfect.” She sprayed a setting spray on my face, and we waited a moment for it to dry.

She chattered on for a few minutes about the rest of the day, the rest of the week’s schedule, a friend she was seeing while we were in LA, and a few other things I couldn’t hear because my heart and mind were circling that statement like sharks.

That happens when you’re in love.

Was I in love with Ben?

Was that what this feeling was?

Ben

I hit send and sat back in my chair. What an insanely easy process to end one’s career.

It sank in, this giddy, terror-filled sensation that filled out my rib cage and crawled up into my throat. I popped up from my desk and stalked to Flint’s office. With one knock, I walked in without waiting and claimed the seat in front of his desk.

He took his time acknowledging me—typical. He could either be so absorbed in whatever he was working on or be intent on making a point about barging in without waiting for his invitation, but either way, it was just a matter of time until he’d deign to acknowledge me and we’d get on with it.

“And how are you today, Lieutenant Holder?” he asked from behind his computer screen, not yet giving me his full attention.

“Just submitted the packet. I’m done May fifth.” Saying it out loud sent a galloping sense of relief and excitement through me.

Flint appeared from behind his desk, a small smile on his face. Then he stood, so I did too.

“Congratulations.”

We shook hands briefly, and if we weren’t at work, he’d probably give me one of those obnoxious, almost-painful back-pat-hug things he did. I’d look forward to that.

“Feels good to have it done. I guess they’ll approve it and process it and everything, but as you’ve mentioned, there’s nothing to keep it from being approved at this point.”

There was always the fear something would happen, that they’d say I owed more time or something, but I hadn’t done anything to incur additional obligation, so there wouldn’t be.

“You should be all set. I’ll look forward to seeing the official word come through.” He sat back down. “Get the door for just a minute?”

It wasn’t so much a question as a direction, a command. That was certainly the Major Flint I’d become acquainted with in the last few years.

I closed the door and took my seat before he spoke again.

“So what’s your plan?”

He’d been asking me that question, in one form or another, for nearly a year and a half. Ever since we’d been back from Afghanistan, I’d had no idea how to put one foot in front of another. I’d rarely had an answer for him that was something I could act on and be proud of beyond “wake up tomorrow.” In the beginning, that had been the best answer I could give him, all I could commit to, and it had been what he’d wanted from me.

And now, I had an answer, and it felt surreal. “I think I’m going back to school.”

Flint nodded, like he’d known it. I’d roll my eyes about that later.

“Any idea what for?”

“I’ve got to narrow it down. Maybe counseling, or social work. Something where I’m doing what my therapists did for me. I’m not about to pursue a PhD—I’m not that into school—but I want to help people. I think that’s something that has changed for me. I guess, in the tritest sense, I want to pay it forward.”

“A worthy endeavor, for sure. And I know anyone you spend time with will benefit. You can be proud of what you’ve done here—in the Rambler Battalion, and in your company, and in your time in the Army over all. You can be proud of who you are now, and that you’re finding what’s next.”

“Thank you. I know you know this, but I’ll say it now, and I’m sure I’ll say it again at some point. I owe you too much to repay. I—” I cleared my throat, banishing the emotion for the moment to get this out. “I’ll never forget it.”

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