Page 106 of The Sound Of Us

“It’s definitely back.” Words spoken with such carelessness, shattering my life and every dream and hope all over again. Except this time the death sentence is offered to me with an aloofness that cuts deeper than any surgical knife. Destroys me more than chemo ever did.

“I’ll fight it,” I resolve.

Frank stares at me with those dead eyes I’d never noticed before. “The last time they said if it comes back, you won’t make it.”

Eli would have gathered me in his arms and told me we’ll fight it together. That he’ll never leave me. That’s he’ll be by my side through it all.

“You think that deaf cunt is gonna be able to take care of you the way I did?” Frank asks. He takes another step.

I don’t even have the strength to move further back.

“I’ve been here for ten years, Axel. Ten fucking years of my life I spent taking care of you. I sacrificed everything for you, and this is how you repay me? You fuckin creep around behind my back?”

“Frank, please.” I don’t know how to keep myself safe. Eli will come looking for me when he wakes up. A new wave of panic seeps into my bones.

“How long have you been doing this? How long, Axel, have you been doing this to me?”

“It was just this time.” My soft tone and frightened demeanor are all I have going for me right now. As long as I look small and scared, he won’t do much damage. As long as he can keep all the control, I’m safe.

“And all the times before that? With James? Is this why he never forgot your dick? Because you never stopped giving it to him?”

“No, Frank. It was only this one time, I swear.” Pepper scratches the door and barks furiously from the other side. Through the haze of my panic, I realize my two lifelines are currently unavailable. Mrs. Dalton must have already left. Ben has his entrance exam this morning. I pray to the god who would forgive adultery to please let Eli come.

Then I remember the gun and I reverse my prayer. I don’t want Eli anywhere near Frank.

“How many, Axel? How many men have you fucked since we’ve been married?”

“It was just you, Frank. I swear to God. I promise.” The begging whisper conceals all the hatred I have for him.

He smirks. Another hollow lift of his lips to make my blood boil with rage. He steps back to the door, turning the lock. Then he moves to the small window to… tighten the handle? … Make sure the curtains are closed until not a peep of space can be seen?

My rage morphs into fear once more. That’s the sum of my life: tossed between fear and rage until you felt crazy.

“I’ve been checking your phone,” he says in a dull voice, holding it up for me to see. “I guess you were smart enough not to use the phone I bought you for your fucking affair.”

He makes for the door. “I need to go to get something from Peter. I’ll buy us something to eat on my way back.”

“I’m not hungry. Frank, please let me go,” I beg. “Please, Frank.” I’m whimpering. “I have to go to work. Ben is away. I have to open the store.” Ben and I already made arrangements with Casey, but Frank doesn’t know that. Maybe if I remind him about the normal, day-to-day things we do, he’ll act less scary.

“You’re not going anywhere.” His lazy smirk has been replaced with a hard set jaw and empty eyes.

“W—what?” I’m supposed to be with Eli, on my way to my new life.

“I said, Axel, you’re not going anywhere. What’re you, deaf like that fuckin’ cunt up the road?”

Oh. God. Vomit sits heavy in my throat.

“I have to open the store, Frank. Customers will be waiting.” Please.

“I heard you the first time. I’m not fuckin’ deaf. But I’ll show you who’s in charge around here. I don’t give a fuck about your work.”

“What’re you doing?” I ask as he shuts the blinds of the side window.

“You’ll stay in here until you’re sorry for what you did.”

I’m not sorry. I’ll never be sorry. I want to spit the words in his face.

The roar of an engine comes closer and stops outside the house. Eli. A banging at the door shatters the deathly silence and Pepper goes wild on the other side, yelping loudly in between barks.

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