Page 130 of The Sound Of Us

He dips his head. Yes. But I know this is hard for him. The person he had loved the most in the world, alongside his mother, is not here to watch him get married. And his anguish is increased tenfold by the recent first anniversary of his father's death.

“He’s here,” I say softly, but clearly, touching the place where his heart beats.

A single tear escapes his ocean eyes. “I know,” he signs.

He swipes at his tears harshly. I take hold of his hands and press them to my heart. “It’s okay to cry, Eli,” I say.

He drops his forehead to my shoulder and his shoulders quake. Taking him in my arms, I hold him as he had held me so many times before.

***

We’d chosen not to do things the traditional way. Our relationship did not begin and grow the traditional way, so nothing about the way we’ll marry will be normal. We dress together, drive to the church together, and walk down the aisle together.

Pepper, who rocks a black satin bowtie like any badass girl would, is with us as we walk.

The cheers from the crowd are unbelievable, and I wish for a second that Eli could hear how happy people are for us. But then I realize that he can hear. Not the way I can, but the happiness and pride radiating from the crowd is not lost on him on account of him not being able to hear with his ears. In fact, I believe he’s able to hear them more than me because he has years of honed in skill to detect and appreciate every single facial expression, every smile, and moment of joy better than I can.

We have vows prepared. Our own vows, not the traditional ones.

I chose to sign my vows. And as I sign, Eli’s face shines with adoration and joy. The interpreter types the words on the big screen to the side, to let all the hearing people know what I’m about to say.

I promise to love myself first so I can love you with all that I am.

I promise you the kindness and respect that you deserve.

For every breath that I breathe, I promise to hold you in high esteem always.

I promise to never take for granted your love for me and to always inspire your confidence in my love for you.

I’ll stay with you all the days of my life and love you more as each day passes.

And when our time on this earth draws to a close, know that I’ll love you into all eternity

I’ll love you while I still breathe and I’ll love you still when I am nothing but dust.

Know always that you are my safe place.

You are the one who accepts all the parts of me; in you my true self is known and wanted.

And so, today, I am yours, as I have always been

And you are mine, as you have always been and always will be.

The crowd is silent. From the corner of my eyes, I catch a glimpse of Mrs. Dalton in the front row, sniffing her tears back while she clutches Ben’s hand. Eli’s mom is in a worse situation with her tears.

Eli lifts his hands to sign his vows. My heart thumps in my chest, praying I’ll understand everything and wouldn’t need to look up at the screen because God knows, I can’t take my eyes off this man for even one second.

I promise to be your safe place, as you have become mine.

I promise to embrace every part of you in every stage of our lives together with awe and wonder.

I promise to love all the parts of me so I can love all the parts of you.

I promise to stand with you in all things, to weather the storms together and share in the joys together.

Axel St. James, I promise to cherish you and keep you safe.

To adore you and admire your wings when you fly, to never stifle or confine you.

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